hi all,
apologies for duplicating this post from a different forum I posted it in the wrong one originally and didn't know how to move it
im just after the general thoughts on family dispute that im in the middle of regarding my niece and her boyfriend. its bit of a long story so here goes.....
my sisters daughter has been dating a guy since she just turned 14 (18 months or so ago)according to the date she changed her relationship status on facebook, so she may have been 13 really and he would have been 18. shes now 15. according to his facebook page he turns 20 this month, although my sister reckons he's 19 this month(he's since changed his security settings to hide his age). my sister not only seems fine with this age difference, but she actually drives my niece the hour or so to his house so she can spend the night there. not only is it my sister ok with the situation, every other single member of my side of the family seems fine with it. he' gets invited to family meals, the lot.
the actual dispute kicked off about a month a go. I have a 9 year old daughter who I've tried to keep away from any event that he was going to be at, as shes at an impressionable age and I don't want her growing up thinking that's ok to date 18 year old guys whens shes 14. for my daughters birthday, she wanted to go out for a family meal, so we asked everyone in my family . my sisters response was " is it ok if gert brings bert?" (not their real names). my sister being quite volatile, I tried to be diplomatic, and just said, "maybe next time, mary doesn't really know him and she just wants to keep it family" . she still spat her dummy out and said we were pathetic and gert was so upset that none of her lot were coming to the meal out of protest.
anyway, we got to the restaurant on the night and only my mum and dad showed up from my side of the family. I was determined not to get draw into the conversation and ruin the night but the pratically the first words out of my mums mouth were " how come bert wasn't allowed to come?" my wife quickly told it wasn't the time or the place and the rest of the meal went off with nothing more that an uncomfortable atmosphere.
I phoned my mum when we got home to explain in so uncertain terms why I didn't want him around my kids, and that I thought he was a perv and that if is was a sexual relationship (as the stories going around her school were reporting) its statutory rape. and the jist of her response was that she "wasnt going to take sides, and that I cant tell my sister that as she would " be upset" " and she didn't think they are sexually active anyway. I could tell by the tone of her voice that she thought I was overreacting. a few weeks pasted and I justkept away from them all til I calmed down. but e saw my mum and dad the other day, and my mum said that its " probably best " if I don't go to the family get-together we usually have down their house on boxing day!!(presumably because bert will be there) and that we should go down the following evening instead.
just to give a few other brief examples of what I've had to deal with the past...
-my sister had a go at my wife being overprotective of my daughter for not letting her play out in the street on her own when she was 3.
-when my niece was 12, my sister fell out with me because I told my niece to stop using the 'F' work in front of my6 year old daughter
-also when she was 12my niece announced she was in a relationship with a 16 year old that she met online that lived at the opposite end of the country. my sister actually let her make the 300 odd mile journey with my uncle and auntie to go and meet him!!( massive fallout from this was the reason why I kept quiet for so long about her current "romance"
didn't mean this to be such an epic post. but just needed to get it off my chest.
am I overreacting to the whole? I feel like the black sheep of the family for not wanting to invite a paedo out for tea
if anyones managed to read the whole of that post any honest opinions on the matter would be appreciated