Almost like my child doesn't exist in their life

[Symbollove]

I had my child 7 years ago. DC is not the first grandchild on my husband's side but the only GC/DN that lives in this country. In particular my brother in law loved spending alot of time with DC, he would always come over to see DC or ask me to bring DC over, would take them out to park/play area etc gave alot of attention to DC. Which was really lovely and nice to see. DC absolutely adored DBil, would always say that's my favourite uncle.
Nearly 3 years ago DBil had his own child and ever since its as though he no longer acknowledges my DC, both DH and I noticed this but never said anything. My DC unfortunately also picked up on this, and would ask me why, I would obviously make excuses for DBil. And then it just got to the point where my DC just no longer was bothered about his uncle as such and just would continue playing with other children whenever we had family gatherings

Today however I got annoyed, we were walking home and DC saw DBil who was putting the seat belt on his now second child, DC was super excited and called out for uncle, waving frantically with so much happiness (we were in close proximity and it's been a good couple of months since we last saw them) DBil just looked at him casual smile and then went back in the car to finish belting i guess. DC was rather upset about this when we got home.

AIBU- to think Bil should've made more of an effort to say hello to his DN that he hasn't seen in a while?

Just for clarity nothing has happened between any of us for him to be behaving like this.

It is always sad for you when your child is sad of course.

But I don't think you can be too cross about that incident, you can't really stop mid belting a young child into a car seat.

Do you invite BIL and his family round, or to do things with you?

@StrayWoman that's fine, but he could've told DC to wait til he finishes as oppose to its a random child attitude. We usually see each other often, but it's been a while since last time due to everyone's busy schedule at this time of the year. But even when we are all together, he won't make any effort to interact with DC despite sometimes DC will try to speak to him and get ignored. I make every effort with his 2 children so does DH, it's almost like all attention should be on his children ever since he had his first. I don't understand how you can suddenly ignore your DN when for nearly 5 years you spent so much time with them, he would see DC 2/3 times a week

The example you give in your first post isn’t the best. But not even acknowledging or interacting with your kid at events isn’t nice. I wouldn’t necessarily want to resume more close relations with someone who seems to blow hot-and-cold like that.

Yabu, your child would never be as important to him as his own. Of course his own dc arriving would mean less headspace for yours. And correctly belting up is more important than waving at your dc! While I'm sorry you feel you've been pushed out, surely you can see that having two dc (and a job/ life too) is fairly time consuming! You desperately need to get a grip.

No, Ive read it twice. And I stand by my response. By your response I feel like I've learned a great deal about your character

@Symbollove

You're extremely rude. If you know you're right don't bloody bother asking for opinions.

Jeez.

It’s a sad situation, but hard to see how getting cross or addressing it directly is going to help things.

BIL couldn’t have foreseen he’d feel differently once his own kids arrived. He meant the affection back then for your son, now not so much. It’s just a reality.

Plenty of people seem to be able to turn love on and off. Sounds like he is one of them and you are not. No advice or agreement required.

I’d use it as a teaching opportunity for your kid. This certainly won’t be the last time he encounters someone who goes ‘off him’ in life. Of course it’s sad, and no doubt hurtful and confusing for him. But mumsnet agreeing that BIL is a dick won’t change anything. You getting het up on your son’s behalf won’t change anything either.

You’d be better off stamping on a smile and concentrating on making your son’s life nicer by setting up contacts with the family members and friends who do pay him attention. He’ll forget he had expectations of BIL soon enough.