To think it's rude she doesn't say hi? AIBU

[SayHiIDontbite]

Ex lives nearby with his partner whom I’ve never met as he does all the pick ups/drop offs and just dropped the kids off from one of their clubs, we spoke a bit and he tells me ‘ she sees you everyday on the school run’ AIBU to think it’s rude/creepy that his partner is watching us from a distance and doesn’t say hi but gets straight on the phone to him? She works near my dcs school, so on the way to her work she has to past the school. I don’t know, I just feel weird that she sees us everyday but doesn’t say hi? When he left, I texted him that she can say hi next time she sees us I don’t bite. He told me to ‘grow up’ ‘ she’s got a life and needs to get to work’ . I don’t know, maybe she’s shy. AIBU to think it’s creepy?

You’ve never met her. It’s not weird that she doesn’t say hi.
She probably feels awkward.

I get what you're saying but I would think it weird for a woman I've never met to start talking to me because she's going out with my ex. Presuming either she is in a building so would have to go out of her way or the children haven't met her (or else surely the children would say hi) i dont think it's weird no.

Yeah I would find it rude she knows who you are but you don't know her. I've had this with my mother's hairdresser who's house I pass everyday on the school run. I have no idea where she lives but the fact she mentioned itI just think wtf it's weird.

Passimg by you doing her daily thing is not creepy. Why on earth would she just walk up to a perfect stranger and start gabbing.....Your ex is right. Hrow up

Does she get straight on the phone to him when she sees you or has she just mentioned it to him later in passing?

She would probably feel a bit awkward saying hi to you as you've never met. I assume she knows who you are because she recognises the children? Do they not see her and say hi? Maybe she's in a rush to get to work and doesn't want to have to stop and explain who she is, or maybe she's seeing you as she drives past so can't say hi anyway.

I wouldn't read to much into her not saying hi. She doesn't know you, you don't know her. I'm sure she just feels it would be a but weird or awkward.

Ignore the attitude from some on here. I

I think maybe she was worried how you'd react. Perhaps a formal introduction would be best one day? Once that's happened, she'll likely feel easier about waving/saying a quick hello.

Ok think it's nice that you're wanting to be civil

*I think

I've had this with my mother's hairdresser who's house I pass everyday on the school run. I have no idea where she lives but the fact she mentioned itI just think wtf it's weird.

So your mum's hairdresser recognises you as you walk past her house and mentions to your Mum that she saw you and that's weird to you? 

OP I don't get it, you want a woman you've never met before to go out of her way to say hi to you? How often? Daily? Or would once a week be enough? And how do you know she's "watching" you and "gets straight on the phone to ex" to tell him she's seen you?

I confess to being utterly baffled at the the things some people get worked up over 🤷‍♀️.

The children know her and stay at her house a few times a week. She doesn't drive, and walks to her. Her work is on the same road as my children's school, so she's either walking behind us or see us cross the road. Which explains why the children has never seen her on the street. A while ago he told me that she was on the bus and saw me and told him I ' looked upset' . She actually called him to tell him this. Didn't really say anything cuz she's on the bus, but the fact that she now regularly walks to walk and watches us from a distance, I find that creepy. If that was me, I'd just call the children over say hi, and introduce myself 🤷‍♀️

It would make me feel uncomfortable that my children stay at her house yet I've never met her.

@spied I trust my ex when it comes to the children. And the dcs seem to like her, and I know she takes good care of them. Brushes their hair, gets up with them for breakfast, bathes them etc.

She probably thinks you have seen her too and are also not saying hi. She must have seen you on pics (on social media?). She probably assumes you also know what she looks like. Ask your ex to introduce you both sometime. I do think that your comment "I don't bite" was a bit unnecessarily aggressive and I understand why your ex didn't want to pass that on.

I also think your ex has a point that if you are walking to work and see someone who is on their way to drop kids off it's not the best time to stop and make introductions as it's likely to just make everyone late. It doesn't sound like she's "watching" you, just that she sees you in passing.

The weird thing for me is that your ex tells you that she sees and reports on you and then tells you to grow up when you say you'd like it if she said hi. I know I wouldn't like that kind of shit stirring if it was my (controlling, creepy) ex and his new gf. I'd try to just put it aside as them being unkind now in the knowledge you tried to make the situation less weird.

The weird thing for me is that your ex tells you that she sees and reports on you and then tells you to grow up when you say you'd like it if she said hi.

Exactly. This is what makes me feel uncomfortable

I do think that your comment "I don't bite" was a bit unnecessarily aggressive and I understand why your ex didn't want to pass that on.

She said it in a text message. If he took it aggressively, that says more about him than her.

I don't think it's weird that she doesn't say hi. I think it's very weird that your ex felt the need to tell you however...

Don't let it get to you. She isn't in the wrong, and neither are you.

If she did say hi you wouldn’t even know who she was, that’s probably what she’s thinking. I imagine she feels awkward about it, I know I would.

He told me to ‘grow up’ ‘ she’s got a life

Ha ha ha! - this, from the Ex who is so grown up & has such a life he needed to send you the "she sees you" text, OP?!!

Your response about she can say hi was perfect.

The only creepy one here is your Ex.
Don;t concern yourself about his new partner. You have no idea what she sees, or feels, concerning you.
Ex could invent anything on her behalf. This is just Ex playing head games. Disengage.

A while ago he told me that she was on the bus and saw me and told him I ' looked upset' confused. She actually called him to tell him this. Didn't really say anything cuz she's on the bus, but the fact that she now regularly walks to walk and watches us from a distance, I find that creepy

Did she actually call to tell him this?
You only have his word for it.
Stop rising to his manipuation.
Stop thinking about his partner.
If they stay together longterm no doubt you will eventually meet her. So stop making her the Bogeyman in your imagination.

You also have no idea WTF he's telling her about you.
I bet it's something like "SayHiIDon'tBite SAW you the other day. She said you looked sad/smug/worried/whatever ..."

He is loving this OP - 2 women to play off against each other. I bet he feels like the master puppetter. STOP RESPONDING TO HIS STUPID TEXTS & keep all comms with him to the bare minimum about DC's needs.

YABU

It's not up to her to introduce herself. You don't even know if she called him just to tell him she saw you, or just mention it like any normal person would do.

As usual, you are blaming the wrong person. She is not "creepy" because she has to walk past your kids school, you sound very unfriendly. I would stay well away too if I was her.

Your ex needs to grow up though.

It’s rude.

Me and my DH ExW are chalk and cheese but I always make an effort to say hi, ask how she is, invite her in for a drink (never happened) for the sake of DSS. It’s so much easier if everyone gets along, even if it’s fake!!

I do think that your comment "I don't bite" was a bit unnecessarily aggressive and I understand why your ex didn't want to pass that on.

I don't. I think it was a nice light response to a baffling statement from an Ex.
& don't be fooled - Ex will have RELISHED "passing that on".
Just as he passed on the supposed comment from his new g/f.
We have no idea whether new g/f has said any such thing.

Even if she did - why on earth would Ex report it back? There's only one reason - shitstirring.

Maybe just say “Ok great” and don’t engage!

If she did say hi you wouldn’t even know who she was, that’s probably what she’s thinking. I imagine she feels awkward about it, I know I would.

Of course I'd know who she is, the children will know her and I've seen pics of her