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Aibu to hate my family

41 replies

Katja1998 · 04/12/2019 22:18

I got pregnant at the age of 19 to a very abusive guy who was arrested twice before getting a restraining order. I spent all pregnancy alone and really depressed. I cried all day everyday, it began with my dad telling me I’m not allowed to keep the baby and he’s gonna take the abortion on his own back so I don’t carry the guilt?? I thought this was already really stupid I carried on with the pregnancy by choice but my mum was horrible throughout, calling me a slut, telling me life would be better if I died if I cried in front of her she would tell me oh do you miss sex you dirty bitch my sister would insist I open up to her and if I told her how I was feeling or what my mum has said to me she would twist my words and cause my mum to scream in my face about me being two faced etc. Fast forward to when my water broke and I had no pain relief, at own point she screamed “I will fucking lunch you in a second” when I started crying in pain. She then proceeded to tell everyone how much she had to go through because of me when I was giving birth when in reality she just sat next to me the whole time and did very little, the day before I gave birth we had a screaming match because she was inviting people to come watch me give birth without my permission and when I picked her up on it she said it’s not true which I knew she lied about because I saw the messages. I came back home and that’s pretty much when she just became my worst nightmare, she wouldn’t let me breastfeed my child and shouted “NO BOOBS!” Each time I tried to feed my baby, she would shout at me not to go near my ds and kept doing things her way for example trying to put baby rice in my newborns formula, I have birth during the heatwave but she insteded the baby needs to be wrapped up and have at least 3 layers or he will lose heat and therefore weight. My sister would also contribute to this and kept saying I’m not dressing my child up properly (all my baby clothes she ended up taking for her child) and basically it’s just been this since. She will attack me by either shouting at the top of her voice if I don’t do something she wants me to do or pull me by my hair threaten to punch me, if she leaves for a weekend she will come back and tell my dad “oh you’ve lost weight” when he clearly hasn’t and I do feed him well, she claims she loves him more than I do and just criticises everything I do, When I met someone I liked my dad strangled me when he found out despite me being 21 and old enough to make my own decisions. They claim I am ungrateful because they look after my baby when I go to work and give him a home but I’m moving next weekend and want to go as low contact as possible, am I being unreasonable to cut contact? And if not how should I do it without causing a shit storm?

OP posts:
Carpathian2 · 05/12/2019 19:06

Oh OP, your post made me cry! I have a dd who had a child with an abusive man, but she turned her life around and so will you.

Your family sound like classic narcissists, your sister is the golden child and you are the scapegoat, it's isn't your fault! You are not a whore or stupid and they are abusing you. As a pp said, domestic abuse is not just between romantic partners.

Please, please contact women's aid. I work in a DV charity and they will help with housing, benefits and the law. I also think you'd be a candidate for a refuge as you ( and your son) are in danger.

However, and this is very important, don't tell any of your family that you're trying to leave as they will try and stop you. Get a bag ready with important documents, birth certificates, passport, benefit letters, nappies and a change of clothes for you and ds. Hide the bag, and at the first sight of any abuse phone the police. Don't think you're wasting their time, that's what they're there for.

Good luck lovely, keep posting here if it helps. Please don't underestimate the seriousness of the situation. Thanks

Oliversmumsarmy · 05/12/2019 19:58

I know that once I leave a shit storm will happen anayway as they claim my son is their son too (I look after him by myself feed him clothe him etc never had a night off only go to work so I can provide for him) and that I’m ruining their family

Do they know you are leaving.

Do they know your address.

If you really go NC (blocked on every device and no SM)

Then you won’t be affected by the shit storm.

Oliversmumsarmy · 05/12/2019 19:59

Also are you keeping your job or changing it?

Also will your Ds go into nursery

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 05/12/2019 20:09

I would use this time of year to see what happens if you go NC completely if you can.
Have you contacted Woman's Aid. Also I would pre-emptively contact SS and explain your situation that you are leaving a DV situation and do not have any other support.

As for work, explain that you need some time to arrange childcare and make them aware that you are leaving DV. The worst case scenario is you lose your job and go on benefits but this is what tax is for - I'm sure you will not be out of work for long. Good luck.

mcmen05 · 05/12/2019 21:09

This is so sad you poor girl.
Hope you find happiness when you move out.

ASimpleLampoon · 06/12/2019 01:06

Please report their abuse to the police and get advice from Women's Aid before going NC, so there is a record if they try to get a child arrangements order in court to have contact with your child.

Pixxie7 · 06/12/2019 01:42

You poor thing sounds like you have been to hell and back. You need to move out and have your own life. All the best.

IAmNotAWitch · 06/12/2019 01:52

Move out, don't tell them where you live and tell them that if they contact you (or your son) will call the police.

Then do so.

They bring nothing to your child's life.

PapayaCoconut · 06/12/2019 04:08

No, you are most definitely not unreasonable for hating these horrible people who have been abusing you for so long. I'm so angry on your behalf. Your description of your so-called mum makes skin crawl.

I hope you leave with your child and never see them again and I hope you get all the help you need to deal with the trauma you've been through so you can continue to be strong for your child and be the mother to him that you never had yourself. Best of luck with everything.

eaglejulesk · 06/12/2019 04:38

What dreadful horrible people!! Take your son and head for the hills. You don't have to put up with this abuse, as that is what it is. Make a pleasant happy life for you and your child and leave your awful family behind - you deserve better Flowers

wasthatamistake · 06/12/2019 04:53

Don't tell them your address. Don't let them look after your child, ever. Please report them and please call women's aid.

justilou1 · 06/12/2019 05:24

Your family is very familiar to me. Sounds like mine. They were horrible to my kids as soon as they were old enough to form opinions of their own as well. You can’t risk this.

SunsetBoulevard3 · 06/12/2019 06:00

Your family sound absolutely appalling. Well done for managing to cope despite all that. I would agree with everyone who suggests you cut contact . Move away if you can too. Get counselling and don’t repeat your families toxic patterns.
I wonder are you from a different culture? W

MinervaSaidThat · 06/12/2019 06:55

So glad you're moving out, OP.

What is the plan for moving out day?

PapayaCoconut · 06/12/2019 09:26

Stay strong @Katja1998. I wish I could give you a big hug. I think you're going to be OK. You sound very resilient. But don't let these horrible people into your life or your child's life. They will call you every name under the sun when they realise they've lost their grip on you but please don't cave in, for your child's sake and for your own wellbeing.

MumW · 06/12/2019 09:49

Have you talked to Women's Aid?

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