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Advice/thoughts please-utterly floundering!

4 replies

1940gal · 04/12/2019 21:48

Hello all,

Advice/thoughts gratefully recieved. I've been seeing someone for several months now, who has a 13 yr old and a 17 year old.
Initially, things seemed great. Lots of nice dates, chats, etc. We took things slowly, and things seemed to be going well - but now there are cracks, and Im not sure whether it's just my take on it ( hence posting this to see what thoughts others may have ).
The main issue for me is time.... recently, she has none. And when I say none, I mean none. I've asked her directly if she feels she hasn't time for a rship - her response is always 'it will get easier'. But I don't want to appear to be needy/nagging.
Her 17 year old is very emotionally dependent. Whilst Im respectful of her needs it's driving me crackers, as we can't so much as have a coffee together without her texting her mum with a 'crisis' ( last one was that she had a tummy ache, so my girlfriend left immediately to go to her ). They still share a bed at times when her anxiety is bad. And to be truthful, it feels like I'm having an affair and feeling guilty about it!
I know the kids come first. But I'm feeling so miserable. I really love this woman, and want a future with her. But I'm struggling. Help!

OP posts:
lippi · 04/12/2019 22:33

The woman is putting her children first as she should. If you cant deal with that, you need to end the relationship. The 17 yr old will move on in the next year or two and start to become independent of her mother but the 13 yr old is going to be hard work for a few years.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 04/12/2019 23:19

There’s putting your children’s needs first and then there’s pandering. A 17 year old does not need her mum to rush home for a tummy ache. It does sound like you’re not a priority though unfortunately. Have you had this conversation with her?

RB68 · 04/12/2019 23:22

What is not being said is if she is on her own with these two what else have they been through - a none traumatised neurotypical child at 17 doesn't need that attention but its a huge assumption that is what she is. Kids do suck time and you need to appreciate that, she is a parent that holds responsibilities.

BudgieHammockBananaSmuggler · 04/12/2019 23:24

I’ll be direct. It’s only been a few months. Sounds like too much hard work already. End it and move on before you are too entrenched. Sorry

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