Difficult toddler

[Katja1998]

Hi, this is my first time on mumsnet so I hope im doing this right. I have a 17 month old boy who is the size of a 2 year old, he has been refusing sleep, whinging all day long, will not play with toys, will not play with other children, he runs around the house all day long with me running after him as he’s quite clumsy and falls over often. He constantly just wants the tv on and no matter what toys I get him he just isn’t interested. He isn’t hitting his milestones and can only say about 3 words. Only sometimes responses to his name and is very attached to me and cries if I leave the room put him down give someone else attention. I am a single parent and finding it difficult as I am extremely tired and worried as he’s only interested in the tv and won’t pay much attention to anything else. How can I make him a little more independent? And how do you catch a break? He won’t sleep in his cot either and insists on sleeping on top of me most nights. Sometimes I really lose it and feel really bad afterwards. I am also currently living with my mum but due to move out on the weekend and I’m extremely scared as to what I’m going to do with no help at all.

Is your mum your childcare going forward? She is awful!

Good luck with the move and perhaps when it is just you two you will find he becomes more settled as the environment you have left, both your violent partner and now your abusive mum, must be incredibly stressful.

As for really losing it, well every parent has situations they feel they could have handled better. But if you are getting overwhelmed or can't control your anger speak to someone supportive, maybe a GP or health visitor or even look at online programs like Triple P?

You are creating a better future for your son.

As for TV it is like crack, kids just can't get enough. Just hold the line with your TV rules but be prepared for whinging, oh the whinging!

Nobody is allowed to hit you, even your mother, and she sounds toxic so it is important that you keep away from her if you can. Will you be able to organise alternative childcare when you move out? It would be worth discussing it with the health visitor, you'll want to ask as well about any extra help when he's 2 in case you are entitled to free 15 hours.

Your DS sounds perfectly normal for his age to me. You'll be able to set up your own rules once you're in your own place. Maybe get some new exciting toys as a swap for the TV; one he's engaged with duplo or trains or whatever he'll forget about the TV. Playgroups can be very helpful for getting out of the house; church or children's centre are usually good but speak to the organisers privately if you can't afford it as they can make space to let in a few non-paying. Find out what he likes doing by testing him on everything at playgroup as it could be that he actually likes some toys but his current ones don't reflect his interests; mine can spend many happy hours just running after a ball inside or outside, wheeled things and building towers but has no interest in any of the crafts yet, at best he'll squish the play doh once before running off to get toys he does like. I've seen other little ones who won't get up from the craft tables to even look at the blocks. And everyone worries at some point that their little one will "never be able to [insert random kid activity or basic skill]". You forget quickly that 18 months ago he didn't even breathe on his own, just look how far he's come! They're all learning, just in their own order and at their own pace. The health visitors do a review at 2yrs 3 months, but they'll meet you sooner if you're worried, just ask.