To hate being called Dear?

[30to50FeralHogs]

My DP has recently and inexplicably started calling me Dear.

“Would you like tea dear?”
“What do you fancy for dinner dear?”
“Are you ok dear?” etc

and he can’t understand why I hate it so very much, as it’s a term of endearment so it should be ‘a nice thing‘.

I feel like his nan or an elderly aunt when he calls me this. I am possibly peri-meno so willing to accept that I may be reading more into this than is meant, but it’s just so deeply unsexy!

For context I’m 45 and he’s 41 but I feel like he’s stopped seeing me as a sexy young thing and that I’m now past it

Previously he’s called me babe (never liked that before we met, but from him I do), darling, sweetheart, boo, bubba, sexy lady, beautiful, sugar tits etc All of which I’m more than happy with. The only one that really rankles is Dear.

(Oh and babes - that was a step too far and made me think he’d been watching TOWIE!)

So AIBU to hate being called dear?

I’m with you all the way, I can’t stand being called ‘Dear’. I have not got fucking antlers!
Oh and I detest being called ‘love’ by anyone other than DH.

Both of these set my teeth on edge!

Beyond that call me what you like I am really not that fussed and it even surprises me how visceral the reaction to something so innocuous is 🤷🏼‍♀️

It's very middle class, along with darling

I hate it! I work in a very multi-cultural, multi-lingual environment and it seems everyone who learns English as a second language is taught to start emails, sms's, everything! With Dear!

I can't be bothered to explain it's a term of endearment and not a greeting for colleagues.

FWIW I start everything with good morning or good afternoon.

I like Dear. But you don't, that's the point, so he should respect that and try not to use it.

Now one of the ones you're quite happy with, I would LTB if he called me that!

YANBU. It’s patronising. Anything else is fine except perhaps “darlin”.

Yanbu. Dh and I only call each other "dear" or "darling" when we're deliberately being arseholes with each other and only say it sarcastically. We don't use any terms of endearment with each other but, strangely, don't use our actual names either!

Just shout, "Don't call me dear!" every single time he says it until he stops.

I can deal with my 90 year old uncle calling me dear and my elderly ndn, but would hate my husband to do it!!

YANBU, it's just not sexy is it? Dear is fine if it's the bloke in the corner shop or the elderly woman on the bus but a romantic partner? Good God, no.

Plus, it's the D in ODFOD

Now one of the ones you're quite happy with, I would LTB if he called me that!

Which one @BBInSleepsCounting ? Sugar tits or bubba?!

it even surprises me how visceral the reaction to something so innocuous is Me too @MsCupcake - it’s very jarring!

I agree! Dear is patronising. Babe/s is far worse though IMHO.

We tend to call each other by our first names or twatty

The young lad in work once started calling me dear and I gave him short shrift about it.

I never stood for being called dear by men in their 50s when I was in my 20s, so I was sure as hell not going to take it off a 20 something when I was in my 50s!

Derek Faye in the Catherine Tate Show... great example of comedy overuse of "dear"

For what it's worth, I'm 22 and call 27 year old DP dear all the time, it's the only pet name I call him
But YANBU to dislike it personally!

I hate being called "duck" I think it is a Stoke expression and the woman who runs my painting class uses it all the time ... I feel like quacking sometimes!

Oh I don't mind be calling dear btw

called dear

Ha ha! Thanks for the clip @MrsNoMopp - I’ll send it to him! He can verge on the side of camp sometimes, so maybe this will be the push he needs to quit with the dear business

He came over last night and I dressed up nicely in a sexy nighty. He said “oh you look very sexy, dear - see what I did there?!” Bastard.

I hate being called "duck”

See I quite like duck as my grandma used to call everyone duck (not from Stoke though!) but yeah, coming from a partner, not so much!

The first one, OP! I can't even bring myself to type it!