Good evening,
I'm in quite the predicament at the moment and I'm unsure what to do. I'm hoping someone will be able to point me into the right direction.
About me. I'm a mother of two boys (19), divorced for almost three years, lead a relatively comfortable yet normal life. Prior to the my divorce, my husband and I had hit the last straw. Everything I used to love, I grew to hate with an intense passion. His so called "confidence" which he would use to whittle away at my confidence would leave me feeling pretty rubbish about myself. I felt horrible, as I had gained weight, lost my friends and couldn't seem to hold down my job. The marriage led me into a depressive spell, which I thankfully shook off after the divorce. Soon after the divorced, I dropped the extra pounds, repaired the friendships I had neglected and landed myself a new job.
The divorce took it's toll on the boys, especially the sale of the house and moving into a new area. Simultaneously, they had started college within the same space of time, so the whole setup was far from ideal. They eventually settled into college, achieved good grades and made a good network of friends. As mentioned, the divorce did takes it's toll on the boys, however, they both made really supportive and understanding friends. As the the time progressed, they pretty much put everything behind them and started off anew.
One of their friends in question, a 19 year old boy has taken a particular shine to me and it's left me feeling uneasy. Throughout the divorce, he would constantly pop over to the home with my boys to hang out, which in my eyes was perfectly normal. I thought nothing of it until he was virtually here every night and didn't seem interested to return to his own home. During one supper I had asked about his parents, but he was very reluctant to divulge any information. A few weeks after I had probed into his relationship with his parents, he admitted he didn't have the best relationship with his parents. He then said "they're lucky to have a mother like you". I didn't think anything of his comment at the time. There on after his comment, he became quite suggestive with his mannerisms and seemed touchy with me. He even went as far as gifting me a very provocative gym outfit as if it was the norm. It was certainly not the sort of outfit a young boy should be buying for his best friend's mother. I spoke to my boys about his behaviour, to which they spoke to him about it. The friend in question apologised and came up with a sob story - getting over his ex.
Fast forward a few months, everything returned back to normal i.e. no flirty mannerisms, touchy behaviour or provocative gifts. In August I planned our family holiday and extended the invitation to their friend, to which he agreed. As a gesture for keeping my boys on the straight and narrow during the divorce, I paid for his flight and accomodation. This is where everything went wrong! He became very possessive on holiday and would barely let me out his sight. To add salt to the wound, during the holiday he made a tonne of excuses not to hang out with my boys in order to keep an eye on me. I didn't need a guardian! He was literally acting as if he was my partner. It was just ridiculous. I would be laughing with the locals, next thing you know, he turns up with a face like thunder. It was so apparent and deliberate. People thought we were an actual couple, which he actually took pleasure in. Needless to say, my boys had something to say about his behaviour and sent him packing. We enjoyed our holiday despite their friend's actions.
On returning from our holiday I had noticed my boys had become quite distant towards me, to which I questioned them about it. Apparently, their friend had told the pair of them I have been very suggestive towards him and he thought I would be spending the holiday to get to know him better. What on earth? The invitation was out of good will, so why would he say such a thing? He also told them I invited him because I liked him? I just can't see why they would believe any of this? I feel like he's manipulated my two boys in order to get closer to me and fabricate fictitious lies. I actually think they believe him too. There's something just really unnerving about him and I've told the pair of them he's not welcome in the home.
Has anyone experienced something similar to this? I think I'm within my right to ban him from the house because of the lies he's telling. I'm just concerned he's using my boys in order to satisfy his rather disturbing ways? It seems like he's a big influence, which really concerns me.