Concerns over child

[Jumpingforgin]

Sorry this is long... I have a friend I've known for a long time. She has a child, who is 5, and she's not sending him to school or educating him.
She had conflicting views over whether to homeschool/enroll in mainstream schooling, chose to enroll him, but he hasn't actually attended a single day since September. She has no intention of sending him at all, and he isn't getting any sort of education right now. I assumed the local authority would be quick to pick up on this, and ensure he was getting an education, but so far, nothing has been done and I feel he is slipping through the net... He has become increasingly withdrawn and angry, and I worry there might be more to this than just his education being neglected. The confusion when he was meant to be going to school in September to then suddenly not going, obviously affected him, and now all his friends are at school, and he isn't, must be unsettling him. I'm concerned of issues at home. The dad is present, but neither of them work, and I have a suspicion there could be mental health problems at play. A couple of comments such as "daddy is having an angry day" and "my daddy is always in bed" just make me think the home life situation is far from ideal. I have nothing against home education, but that is not what this is, it's just a complete avoidance of the education system altogether. I know there was a brief phone conversation with a social worker after he failed to attend school back in September, and she assured them that he was being deregistered and home schooled, and she said that they were happy with this, didn't want to see them, or and home we proof or their set up. She told me she's happy as now she can carry on "non educating" him. And now it seems it's "case closed" and he's slipped through the net. What can/should I do? Should I just assume SS are taking care of it, and leave them to it? Or do I need to report? I feel bad as she's a friend, but I also feel cross that she's almost laughing in the face of the authorities for "getting away" with not educating him, when it should be every child's right. She just doesn't think it's important. Surely legally she can't just get away with saying she's home edding him, but not actually following any sort of curriculum? Is it not regulated? He's a lovely little lad, and I feel so sorry for him as he seems so confused and angry at the world right now. Aibu to report her?

*see them, or any home ed proof

You can speak to SS about concerns and/or Educational Welfare Officer and/or the school he is registered at.

Please think about doing this ASAP just so they can check up on him.

Report it. Better safe than sorry. Also if you know the school the boy was supposed to attend contact them as its possible if he never started they assumed the child is attending a different school. Letting them know means they can contact educational welfare officer to do a home visit ASAP.

I'd be more concerned about the mother - she'll go to prison if she doesn't get on with some sort of education. Happens, esp if she's been warned already.

Child Services won't get off her back if she gets caught again - school non-attendance is a red flag for care. They'll send taxis for DC's school runs, do anything to help, but if she's caught fibbing again social workers can go from carin'-'n'-concerned to vicious in a heartbeat.

I would have a word - remind her that social workers aren't always useless & she may not get away with it.

You can report them but once she does deregister him she doesn't have to do anything to prove she is home educating home.
The system is totally unregulated and you don't have to agree to any visits

So I'd still report but keep an eye and you may have to report to social service again if she does deregister

If the mother has deregistered him or just declined the place in September, he is officially home educated. It is actually the default position it's just that most of us opt into the school system.

If he was expected to take up a school place then the LEA will be aware of him.

You can report safety concerns to SS or educational ones to the LEA but be aware that on the latter part there are no inspections, curriculums or schemes that must be followed so unless she says 'I'm doing fuck all' or words to that effect or it becomes clear from some other means, simply saying 'I don't think she is providing an education' will be sufficient.

He's definitely still registered at the school. She said a week or so ago he was, and she's been meaning to deregister him completely, but she hasn't got round to it (this is typical of her). I think my main concern is not the school non attendance, as she's never going to send him, it's the lack of education he's going to get at home. Are there any regulations in place to ensure home educated kids get a proper education? How is it monitored? Will they be checked up on? This is my issue, she's told SS she's home edding him, but telling everyone else she's "non edding" him, and he'll learn by himself at his pace (which is basically her way of getting out of actually doing anything). From what I understand, home schooling can be extremely rewarding, and freeing from the restraints of main stream school, but it's also ALOT of hard work, which she doesn't want to do. She thinks a trip to a museum once a fortnight, and giving him a colouring book is enough. If I knew she'd eventually get caught out, I wouldn't be too worried, but so far SS seemed to have bought her story, and left her alone, so how long before someone realises what she's doing isn't good enough for him? Is simply saying "I'm home edding" enough to avoid the education system altogether? Or will they want proof at some point?

Report the concerns about dad having angry days .

If she is actually taking him to museums every other week that is something at least.

Is she can't be bothered teaching him, why hasn't she just sent him to school? Surely something is afoot there.

Are the parents stable and functioning?

That's my worry @soapbox she's telling them it's all good, and talking the talk over the phone, but the reality is a stark difference. And then seemed to have shut the case just on what she's said over the phone. She 100% registered for him to start in Sept. Didn't buy him any uniform or attend any settle in days, and then first day in Sept she didn't take him in. The school rang, and she said he wasn't ready to start and would start after his birthday (October). Hasn't happened, and she's said now there's no chance she'll send him, as it's easier/better to keep him home. He's an only child, and all the other children he's ever known are at school now, so he's not even getting any socialisation with other kids. I guess the fact he was registered to start is a good thing, as means he's maybe in someone's radar somewhere? I think I will report the situation. I can't sit back and watch knowing he's being failed on so many levels. Although I have a feeling it won't go anywhere as she seems to be able to talk them into thinking it's all good.

In which case she may have told them to defer entry, which she can also do until the term after he turns 5. Then she can still deregister him.

Some families choose to unschool which is essentially child led education.

LEAs can make enquiries but they cannot monitor or ask for proof of work. Home educating isn't an ss concern.

@embracelife, yeah she's all up for the "fun" things (as and when it suits) and they do take lots of day trips and holidays (one of the reasons I feel she's avoiding the school system) which yes, is good, but the actual sit down learning, simple structures, and basic routines needed will not take place. She brags that due to not going to school they get to sleep in until midday. She has a short fuse and "loses it" quite often and aggressively with him in public, so I fear what it gets like behind closed doors. The dad concerns me more than her, though we don't see him often as he doesn't attend any parties, events etc. And no one has ever been allowed in the house....

Report the aggressive behaviour

That s more important and more concerning than the schooling or not.

I'm actually shocked with how unregulated home ed is, after looking into it. Worrying how many children may be getting substandard or no form of education at all 😔. And I'm not for a second, putting home schooling down, as I think it's a great option for many, and something we considered before finding a fantastic school for our DD. I just cannot believe they don't even do a singke yearly check, to ensure these children are being taught what they need to be in the right sort of environment.

If you think there is a safety concern, report that to ss.

The schooling aspect can wait as he doesn't 'need' to be in school until January.

My LEA asks for an annual report. They can ask to visit etc but I refuse. If I made no reply they may become concerned and in extreme cases get a school attendance order to force my child into school.

I do not want them inspecting what I'm doing as they have no authority, qualification or experience to do so. While I understand the shock at realising the system for home Ed, I can't imagine any other system that wouldn't make home Ed impossible or pointless.

Can you subtly record her on your phone bragging about 'non-eding' him? So you at least have something to back up what you are saying and it makes it much harder for her to pull the wool over SS eyes?
I would relay the whole set up to SS. That little lad does deserve an education and time with his peers, but he also deserves a home free of fear and anger - and your post would suggest he's not getting that. I'd be really concerned about her short fuse and dad's 'angry days'. Something about this has raised massive red flags to me and, yes, I'd be on and on to SS until they do something.

@soapboxqueen - why do you think the LEA have no authority, qualification or experience to check on how you are schooling your child? That's their job, surely? Checking that you are actually teaching your child something does not make home ed impossible or pointless. I can't quite believe you've written that.

StepAwayFromGoogle Some LA's are very good but others are poor and have given home educators the wrong information. I know of at least one home educating parent who has been given wrong advice on what GCSES their child could sit as a private candidate, leading to a panic just a few months from exam sitting.

It seems like there’s a lot to be worried about here OP, not just the lack of education. Dad’s angry days; her aggression towards the child; the fact that nobody has ever been allowed in the house despite you being friends; the child seems unsettled and angry, so clearly there’s an unmet need there.

I’d call SS if I were you. It sounds like there’s more to this than her just being a lazy apathetic parent.

@stepawayfromgoogle

They have no authority because they have no authority. They can make enquiries but they have no authority to see my child, inspect what I teach, inspect my home or render judgement.

They have no qualification to do so because most LEAs do not put anyone with even a connection to education in charge of home Ed. They usually carry out a number of roles.

They have no experience because even on the odd occasion they do have a teacher in that role, they are part of a system that fails so many children and often cannot see past what education 'should' look like. A system which is not fit for purpose.

Many LEA liaisons recognise this and are broadly supportive but others are not.

So if they decided to 'regulate' it, who would they employ to do it? What would they assess me against? How would they assess what is beneficial for my child when they have failed so far?

Just as an example, if you came to my cafe and I gave you food poisoning, not once or twice but for years at a time so you decided to make your own lunch at home. Would you be happy if the council sent me round to your home to assess and report back on your ability to make lunch safely and if I decided you couldn't, make you come back to my cafe?

I don't think this is a home education issue. Some people use the home Ed system to hide an abusive home life. School is one of the places that safeguarding takes place. However, if the child was under a child protection plan the state can intervene and get parents to do what's in the child's best interests (by checking the child has appropriate socialisation and education, usually they would push for The child to attend school) I think that in duke situations (like this one by the sounds of it) it would be good for somebody to be looking out for the child's best interests if nobody else is. The dysfunction, secrecy, anger and aggression worry me a lot more than the child lead learning.

This is weird. I’d ring SS.

Usually, parents this neglectful and disinterested can’t wait to send their kids to school. 7 hours a day child free!

If he's only just turned 5 they could've deferred him and he might start next year🤷‍♀️

Fair enough she’s a friend, but her little boy needs your help OP, because you know about this situation and you may be the only person who can do something about it.
Poor boy, whether she thinks it’s important or not, his MH WILL suffer being stuck in a house with both parents not working and laying in bed all day, and being angry.
Report for that alone. It’s neglect pure and simple.

He will become statutory school age in Jan. At that point he can be registered as a child missing education, and the local authority can start to issue school attendance orders if necessary. There is no requirement to register for elective home education, but if the parents do this, they may be asked to provide examples of work etc. Again, no requirement to provide, but if there is concern that no education is being provided, a referral to CME and an SAO would begin. The LA will likely liaise with health authorities to check if the child is being seen, and may ask police to undertake a welfare visit. Police can just ask to see the child, they don't have to enter the house.

You should contact your LA and relay the information you have given here.