As it says really, I'm struggling. I have 2 other DC who are a little older but still school age, we've had the normal challenges with them, moody teen and the hyperactive middle one but compared to him, they are a walk in the park.
I don't want to write an essay or drip feed so I'll try my best.
Since he was around 2.5-3, his behaviour has got increasingly worse, up to about 2.5, I wasn't able to leave him, even going to the loo would result in a massive upset or he'd injure himself (not self harm, but through climbing stair gates for example). It took a long time for him to be happy for me to even go into the next room to put a load of washing on or do some washing up. I spent every day on the sofa with him where he would cuddle me the whole day. I actually took photos of him the first day he was content when I walked out of the room, still in the next room where he could see me, it was like a miracle. I got about 30 minutes that day in the kitchen to potter about before having to return to the boss. I thought that would be the start of things getting easier but I was wrong.
I feel like he's getting worse by the day. Taking him anywhere makes me very anxious because I worry about what he'll do. He attends pre-school 2 days a week (and those are by far the best days of my week) and I try to get him out as much as possible the other days for social interaction, but mainly to tire him out so I'll have less trouble with him at home.
His language is becoming pretty dire and he's very aggressive. He thinks nothing of attacking his siblings, punching them in the face or trying to push them down the stairs are 2 of the favourites at the moment. Biting was a big thing with him and it wasn't uncommon for him to break the skin and leave black and purple bruises on me or the other DCs, that's far less common now and it's been a while since he's done it. He gets bored very quickly, not unsurprising as he's 4, but even visiting family which he enjoys, after the first 20 minutes, I'm very on edge waiting for him to show signs that he's going to go crazy, over-excitement, shouting, throwing himself around, getting rude etc. His middle sibling has no attention span, has always been a fidget, hyperactive, can't sit to watch a whole TV programme, never mind a movie etc so I'm used to having one that gets bored very easily, but he is that, plus the temper and aggression.
When he started at his pre-school, they commented on how sweet and quiet he was, now they're telling me they're seeing more boisterous behaviour from him, which in a way I'm thankful for as it means I'm not the only witness to it if that makes sense? His grandparent won't babysit for him as he really worries them, the older 2, they've always been happy to have since babies, toddlers etc but he's really hard work. Not a dig at the GP at all, just to show it's only this one that's been like this. He's so loud, shouting, tantrums, hysterical crying, then there's the random screeching, doesn't appear to be to any stimulus at all, will just randomly screech which makes me worry he's hurt himself but it rarely is. I don't go running if he screams so it's not like he's doing it for input from me.
No sense of danger at all and will dart off in car parks, when out and about, even with explaining before that he needs to stay with me as cars are dangerous, he could get hurt etc, he'll run off, I'll call him back, he'll ignore, then I end up shouting from panic and he'll mostly stop. He disappeared not long back, he was stood next to me with his friend while I spoke to his friends mum, frantic searching from me and friends and neighbours, we found him sitting silently behind her sofa as he'd snuck in her house and refused to answer anyone as we walked around the estate searching for him. He's so quick, he'll rip his hand out of mine even if I'm trying to hold it tight.
Mostly refuses to do anything I ask, he'll either ignore me or scream no, then there's the slamming doors, stomping around etc. We also get almost a selective mutism type thing, never to any conflict, always to things like 'are you ok?/Would you like this?/Do you want to say hi to GP', you can see he's heard but he'll just not react, you repeat it several times and will eventually get an answer as if it's the first time you've said it.
There's more I haven't written as honestly, I don't want to write a massive essay that people fall asleep halfway through.
I just feel like the worlds worst mother, like I must be massively failing him in some way for him to behave the way he does. I've had friends and strangers ask if he's 'always like that/has he had a lot of sugar or E Numbers/does he have ADHD?'
I feel awful talking about him like this because when he's not like this, he's the most loving child, he loves a cuddle, nap with me on the sofa, very affectionate but then he's like something possessed.