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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my DS taking a huge risk moving a man into her home.

15 replies

namechanging202 · 03/12/2019 19:23

My DS is divorced has met a man she she knew from her past, after a whirlwind couple of months he has moved into her home. Now she owns the house outright has a good amount of maintenance each month from her ex 40k per annum. The new man has two ex wives, adult children and grandchildren very little equity he remortgaged his home and is renting out his house to pay the mortgage.

She is paying for everything, he contributes absolutely nothing financially. She is sure if she changes her mind and asks him to leave he will have no rights to her home. Please tell me this is right. The family are having second thoughts about this man, although he is OK, she has bounced from an eight year relationship straight onto this man. Unfortunately my DS just cannot live alone, which we all said she should do for a time.

Is her home and her income safe or is she financially vulnerable.

OP posts:

lopdedop · 03/12/2019 19:27

No marriage. No problem.
Especially as he is not contributing financially.

MyNewBearTotoro · 03/12/2019 19:30

If they’re not married and everything’s in her name he shouldn’t be entitled to anything unless you’ve missed out a detail?

ShetlandWife · 03/12/2019 19:33

Where does she live? The law is different in Scotland to England and Wales.

Singlenotsingle · 03/12/2019 19:35

I wasn't quite sure where the BU was involved. She isn't at risk provided she doesn't marry him.

Bananalanacake · 03/12/2019 19:37

has she heard the word cocklodger. if she can't live alone and has a spare room suggest she gets a lodger as they pay for their keep.

alexdgr8 · 03/12/2019 19:37

this sounds dodgy, its not just the bald legalities, which are not always clear-cut any.
he may have targeted her for her comfortable life-style that he can live off. he may be a confidence trickster, who has now got his feet under the table, shoes off, making himself at home. what will be next, a little loan for a dead-cert business opportunity....
the practical problem is how to gget her to distance herself from this person, ideally to have him quit the house.
as to living alone, if meant literally, she could get a female lodger.

TheNameGames · 03/12/2019 19:39

She may be safe but it sounds like she's housing a scrounging loser. I'd be worried for anyone moving into someone's home where they didn't contribute anything, romantically or not.

TitianaTitsling · 03/12/2019 19:39

How old are her DC? And 40k per annum maintenance?

TheNameGames · 03/12/2019 19:40

^^That should read, I would be worried for the person housing the non-contributor.

Hepsibar · 03/12/2019 19:48

She's got herself a gigolo?

Original poster

namechanging202 · 03/12/2019 20:01

There are no children involved. The maintenance is more of a settlement on the business which she and her ex. owned together so rather than a lump sum which would have destroyed the business she gets a share annually. That was all settled legally years ago.

We all want her to be happy, which she is, the concern is for her future. But if he has no legal standing then we can relax and let the cards fall where they may.

OP posts:

Stinkycatbreath · 03/12/2019 20:44

No legal standing at all unless they get hitched.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/12/2019 20:49

It is up to her, you know. She is an adult. She may even have decided that this man is such a magnificent shag that she's happy to pay for his upkeep for the time being. Which, again, is entirely up to her.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/12/2019 20:54

I would encourage her to go to a solicitor just to ensure her home and her money are protected. For example, it may be in her best interests to have him sign some form of tenancy agreement.

OldElPasoHadAChicken · 03/12/2019 21:18

I'm one of those people who struggles being alone. It's not just a case of everyone telling you to be on your own for a while and you saying oh OK yeah I'll do that. Some of us are overly romantic and even subconsciously seem to seek that out even when we think we aren't. And some of us actively look, at whatever level, because we crave something (whether it's the sex, closeness, Romance, interaction, company, or all of the above etc).

I don't think wanting her to change that, is such a good idea. Helping her manage her situation when she's with someone is more ideal. I wish I'd had that sort of support years ago.

Even if you hate the bloke, the best you can do is to make sure she knows her rights and also to be wary if he pushes for marriage because of his situation versus hers and what it would legally mean.

It's nice she's got a sister so caring.

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