Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents evening

22 replies

Snowybunny · 03/12/2019 18:48

In 7 years of schooling my childrens father has been to maybe 2 parents evenings, AIBU in thinking he should make the effort to come to at least one of them each year?
He works late but he could use time off..not a whole day off but finish a few hours earlier maybe..he is able to do this sometimes.
He does ask about it when hes back home each time and this year he took a day off the day before parents evening just to use up a holiday..when I asked why he hadn't just booked it for the next day he just shrugged and said he'd forgotten.
This is another thing, he never knows when the dc have trips or need homework to be in or what they've done in school because he never asks.
I work part time so I've never had to book time off.
If you or you DP is not the primary parent then do you/they still make the effort for parents evenings and are you aware of what's going on at school still?

OP posts:
BlueJava · 03/12/2019 18:50

Yes we both try and make time to attend parent's evening together because it shows children the value you place on their education. If you don't turn up I think it's a subtle message that it's not so important to you - or for them.

Newmumma83 · 03/12/2019 18:51

Effort for sure my dad often went to mint with my mum despite shift work grabbing all the over time he could and extra job on the side

gamerwidow · 03/12/2019 18:54

I don’t think both parents need to turn up to parents evening. As long as one parent is attending that’s fine. Me and DH attend parents evening alone based on whoever could get the time off easiest.
Same for sharing afternoons, assemblies,sports days etc. We always make sure one of us is there but it doesn’t matter which one.

Merryoldgoat · 03/12/2019 18:55

My DH and I always go together and DH prioritises leaving early on those days.

He does have an amount of flexibility though, as he does share drop offs in the morning too.

Greysparkles · 03/12/2019 18:56

I can't say I remember which parent went to my parents evenings?
Only I go to mine as DH is working, I don't feel we both need to be there

Cornishmum00 · 03/12/2019 18:59

Only i attend parents evening as i dont think both need to when info is easily passed on

areyouafraidofthedark · 03/12/2019 19:00

We try and go together but normally I go and pass the information on.

Elbeagle · 03/12/2019 19:03

We generally both go. We don’t need to, it would be perfectly fine with just one of us, but both of us want to go and DH’s work is flexible so it’s no issue.

Original poster
Snowybunny · 03/12/2019 19:04

A bit of a mix..that's fair enough.
Do both parents always know what's going on at school?
I seem to be the one always telling him this and that and reminding him all the time, I mean I dont mind as I am very organised and like to stay on top of what's happening and I appreciate not eceryones like this.
But should he not still be asking rather than me having to tell him

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 03/12/2019 19:05

DH and I have been to both.
I out all the dates in a shared iphone calendar, and a paper calendar in the kitchen, so we both know when they are.
Sharing knowledge of when the dates are is surely not too tricky to achieve?
DH works full time, but much more locally.
I work 4 days, but with a hour’s journey.
We share who goes to concerts and sports days etc.

Alte · 03/12/2019 19:05

DH and I have never been together. We've both been over the years, just not together. Usually it's because one of us has to look after the DC (we have 2, and we never took them with us in primary anyway). It depends on your situation really - if he's able to attend and you like to have the child in the room, YANBU. If he's looking after DC or if he has to work, YABU.

Elbeagle · 03/12/2019 19:06

DH tends to know, he’s on the email list for newsletters and we both have the app for the regular communications. I’m a SAHM though so tend to deal with the more day to day stuff like remembering 50p for the cake sale.
He is generally very interested in their education, we have both been governors at the school at different times.

NerrSnerr · 03/12/2019 19:08

Only one parent goes in our house. We try to make sure that one of us attends most school events but we don't have enough annual leave for us both to do everything.

BikeRunSki · 03/12/2019 19:10

Sorry, first line of my previous post should read
“DH and I have both been to both DC’s parents mtgs”. DS in in Y6 and DD is in Y3. Its getting tricker now, because Y6 is in a different school (middle school y6-y8).

bluebella4 · 03/12/2019 19:25

I tend to do all the kid related stuff. My husband has never been to any. I've 3 kids at school. Oldest is 11 so I've been to everyone of theirs on my own. I am a SAHM but that will change in the new year but I will still be doing the school stuff. It's not like he doesnt care, he does. It's just he wouldnt know what questions to ask or remember what the teacher said. I fill him in on everything regarding school stuff.

EvaHarknessRose · 03/12/2019 19:26

My issue is dh always wanted to go but wanted me to go as well! I wanted to alternate.

highheelsandweathercocks · 03/12/2019 20:23

My DH usually goes to the Parents Evenings whilst I stay home with the DC. This is because I do 90% of the school run so I tend to catch their teachers as and when I need to. Parents Evening is his opportunity to talk to them.

We both read the emailed newsletter and we are co-chairs of the PTA so are fairly heavily involved in the school anyway. That said, it's me that keeps track of the day to day admin (mufti day, school trips etc). We split the homework and take a child each.

Footiefan2019 · 03/12/2019 20:27

My dad never ever came to parents evenings and I remember in sixth form you could either go and see the teachers yourself or go with a parent or both parents. I asked my dad to come one time as my mum was working and he wouldn’t. Looking back I think he has a bit of anxiety around things Like this and wouldn’t have known what to say if anything negative was mentioned. He might have gone WITH my mum as a silent bystander if she’d pressed him on it

towers14 · 03/12/2019 21:31

I've always gone on my own, Dh stayed at home with other Dc. In all honesty I've always wondered why two parents need to go, surely you can just fill the other one in. I see it in high school now where it's 2 parents, child in question plus siblings being dragged along and I always think- why? At each desk there are only ever 2 chairs, 1 for child, 1 for 1 parent.

Elbeagle · 03/12/2019 21:32

2 parents don’t need to go, we just both wanted to go.

Elbeagle · 03/12/2019 21:33

We don’t take the DC though, we arrange for someone to have them.

ShawshanksRedemption · 03/12/2019 22:12

I do the majority, DH attends when he can. I think if he didn't attend or show interest in attending like your DP, I would be asking him how he thinks his DC feel about his non-involvement.

School trips etc etc, I put everything in the online family calendar so we are all aware what we are doing.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread