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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Other people celebrating our anniversary

22 replies

gabsdot45 · 03/12/2019 16:24

DH are celebrating a significant wedding anniversary this Sunday. We're going away for a few days and will be back late on Saturday night.

My plan for Sunday was to go to go to church. This week there is a lunch after church so that was going to sort out dinner for us and then home to veg out, unpack etc and relax for the evening.

Yesterday MIL announced that SIL is coming for the weekend for our anniversary. She lives about 3 hours away.

They want to have a family dinner on Sunday and MIL specifically told us not eat anything at the church thing.

Ugh. I like my in-laws so this isn't an in-law bashing thread, but isn't it a bit weird to even remember other peoples wedding anniversaries and even more weird to celebrate them.

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 03/12/2019 16:28

If they were planning on coming along on your anniversary break you might have a point but really?? MIL is arranging a family lunch to remember and celebrate your wedding (presumably a lovely family affair?)

Sorry but I think you are being ungrateful, odd and VU.

thecatsthecats · 03/12/2019 16:29

Hahaha. I like my ILs too, but they're crackers.

My MIL had two suggestions for our first anniversary.

We go around to theirs for Sunday lunch. (an hour's drive each way for me, or a long-winded train journey)
They come to ours... so our special treat is cooking for them?

We went abroad

(Oh, but when we did go see them? We sat around watching football. I didn't want or ask for a celebration of our anniversary, so it's just as well I wasn't expecting one.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/12/2019 16:29

I think it's weird, and I think it's incredibly rude of your MIL to make plans for you on YOUR anniversary, without even checking with you first. That's just unbelievable. I would be declining this "invitation."

LL83 · 03/12/2019 16:29

I wouldn't expect it but I would be touched they remembered/wanted to celebrate it.

I might be annoyed they told me what to do rather than asking though. (Unless they were just over excited rather than bossy)

AryaStarkWolf · 03/12/2019 16:30

but isn't it a bit weird to even remember other peoples wedding anniversaries and even more weird to celebrate them.

My mom always remembers my wedding anniversary, is it only odd because she's your MIL? She's trying to be nice, if you don't want to do that say no but there's no need to be bitchy about her trying to do something nice for you and her son, jesus

youcancallmequeenE · 03/12/2019 16:31

I agree with @MatildaTheCat I think you're being really ungrateful.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 03/12/2019 16:33

I get messages from my Dad for our "engagement anniversary". THAT's weird 😂

Not odd, very thoughtful but if you're not into it then just say you don't want to make a big deal out of it.

Disfordarkchocolate · 03/12/2019 16:34

I am always baffled that anyone remembers our wedding anniversary. I'd not be that happy if some announced plans for any day, to be honest, she should have asked if you were free.

flouncyfanny · 03/12/2019 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/12/2019 16:34

Why is op being "ungrateful" for something she didn't want, didn't ask for, and wasn't even consulted about?

Winterdaysarehere · 03/12/2019 16:37

Add an extra night away on...
She is a cf.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/12/2019 16:37

Why is op being "ungrateful" for something she didn't want, didn't ask for, and wasn't even consulted about?

She could just say no, is there any need for the snottiness and rudeness about it though? Clearly the Mil was trying to do a nice thing

MyEnormousTurnip · 03/12/2019 16:38

It’s not weird to remember someone else’s wedding anniversary - plenty of greetings cards available “on your anniversary” for example which suggests it’s not that unusual.

Her dictating plans for you is rather rude though. Assuming you get on normally why not suggest she visits on an alternative weekend?

user1493413286 · 03/12/2019 16:39

I think it’s nice that they want to celebrate it but odd that they’d just make plans without arranging it with you and asking what works for you

DappledThings · 03/12/2019 16:39

It's really weird and it's rude to insist you celebrate something in a certain way without checking if you have other plans. I'd just say no, we are busy that day.

StrayWoman · 03/12/2019 16:42

Reply politely saying, no thank you, we already have plans.

Isn't that a normal response to something you don't want to do at a time you already have plans? What's the big issue?

myself2020 · 03/12/2019 16:44

It is very strange! Even if they remember, they should remember it as “special time, don’t bother them with request for this weekend“ type of thing

Winterdaysarehere · 03/12/2019 16:46

Tell her your bondage gear has arrived - presents off dh - so you will be having an all day session and will therefore have to miss lunch....

Aquamarine1029 · 03/12/2019 16:49

She could just say no, is there any need for the snottiness and rudeness about it though?

No one said to be rude or snotty, just decline the invite.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/12/2019 17:22

No one said to be rude or snotty, just decline the invite.

I never said anyone said to be rude and snotty, I said there's no need for the rudeness and snottiness ABOUT it, as in calling the MIL in weird for daring to remember her sons wedding date for one thing

WingingIt101 · 03/12/2019 17:26

I feel for you - I don’t think it’s ungrateful to have made your own plans and not want them to be changed at the behest of someone else!!

Could you politely decline along the lines of “thank you so much for thinking of us - how lovely that you’ve thought of us! As we will be away Over the weekend and will likely be tired on Sunday afternoon we have planned for Sunday afternoon already, but would love to catch up with everyone soon - are there other weekends that work for you?” Perhaps part of the compromise then is to offer to host so it’s not like saying “yes I want you to go to effort but only at a time that suits me!”

Butchyrestingface · 03/12/2019 17:27

isn't it a bit weird to even remember other peoples wedding anniversaries and even more weird to celebrate them.

Clearly you’ve missed the ‘woe-is-me’ threads from posters all bent out of shape when their families fail to remember/comemorate every tedious milestone in their life.

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