agoraphobia dilemma

[Outofmydepth75]

Anyone else out there who suffers from this?
If so you have my sympathy.

There are some things that I can push myself out of my comfort zone and stretch myself to do, and others that are just unbearable.
This Friday I have the dilemma of my youngest child's Christmas play.
He has SEN and I'm so proud of how far he has come.
He's nine now, but this is actually the first year he has understood the magic of Christmas. It's so special.

Last year I attended his school play, and really struggled.
It was the worst possible environment to trigger my panic attack and I had a full blown one.....a heart racing/ room spinning monster that just took all my strength away.
It's a small school hall crammed with at least 200 people (standing room only), chairs crammed together touching each other and no leg room and no way to get to the door (escape route) as this was obstructed by benches of children.
There is no stage and I couldn't even see my child as I was sat near the back (the only available space).
Even getting there early (everyone had the same idea and they were all queing outside the door half an hour before it was due to start) was a disaster as it's one of those scenarios where as soon as the doors open, they all surge forward and dive for the front seats.

Unfortunately I don't have anyone to go with me (I think if I wasn't alone I would be able to make myself do it).
it's just the thought of not being there for my child that's breaking my heart. I feel like the worst mum ever, and I'm trying my hardest to find a way around it so that I can overcome my fears and be there for him.
He has come so far (further than I could ever have hoped for considering how ill he was as a baby) and makes me so proud.

The thought of putting myself through it is making me feel sick (the panic attacks and accompanying symptoms are vile) but the thought of NOT been there is just as unbearable and makes me cry just to think of it.

Any thoughts on this and how I can make this easier for myself?
I should add that I'm currently having counselling, but have a long way to go!

Can you ask the staff if you could watch from backstage or from the wings? Or if they could save you a standing space by a door so you could arrive just in time and have an escape route if needed?

Ask if you can go to the dress rehearsal. Explain your circumstances and ask if they could possibly reserve you a chair one the end of a row by the door.

Hello!

I’m hoping I can give some insight into this as someone who couldn’t leave their house for 3 years (sometimes not even my bedroom).

CBT will be a massive help here over just general counselling. There are lots of different coping methods they can teach you when it comes to panic attacks and getting out of an anxious frame of mind.

The STOPP method is extremely handy - a quick Google explains how to do it.

Meditation and mindfulness can also help. Start off with the basics on an app like Headspace so you understand how it works, then move onto sessions designed specifically for anxiety disorders.

If you’re unable to get CBT for now then look online for various CBT methods that you can learn either on websites or in various books. Learning these methods was the key to me getting out of the house - I’ve now been 4 years ‘free’ and use these methods to combat any anxiety I have in situations.

And just know that there IS a way out of this. I’m now out of my house and doing way more than I ever did before! Sure, my anxiety does get the better of me still sometimes, but I’m fully equipped to handle it now.

Please feel free to ask me anything, I hope this is helpful!

I was going to say exactly what pp says above, I'm sure if you speak to the school receptionist they'll let you watch the dress rehearsal. Hope it goes well

Is there a seat on the front row with a fire exit near it perhaps? Phoning ahead (or even better, going in, if you can) is the best idea.

Just don't leave it until the day because as much as the staff may want to help, I expect they'll be to busy.

I know it sounds unbearable for you either way, but your little girl has a mum who loves her so much she's trying to get over this major psychological hurdle just for her. Yes, there are things about your situation that would be better for her if sorted, but honestly, that's the case for us all. It sounds like you've got the most important things well covered and that she's your absolute priority. Whether you make it or not, she's going to be just fine .

I had agoraphobia and CBT was the best thing for it. There won't be time to do it before the play, but do ask your GP if you can get it.

I would agree re talking to school about the dress rehearsal; I know the school I am a governor at would help you. Just don't tell anyone!