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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School run

16 replies

Jackleila14 · 03/12/2019 10:14

Just wondering what people think, would it be unreasonable to stop taking my dds best friend to school in the mornings .
Bit of background I am not actually close friends with the mum of the girl I’ve been taking to school but our girls are best friends . She asked me to take her dd to school 3 times a week because we live close to each other and she was struggling to get her ds to pre school and her dd to school as they’re not close to each other and she doesn’t drive, I said yes but it’s proven to be a bit harder than I though . When I take her both girls get over excited and her dd tends shout alot when I’m driving , I’ve had to ask her to stop so many times , I’m finding that both my dds friend and my dd don’t listen when I’m asking something like to get out of the car or be quieter outside peoples houses in the morning , my dd is not like this on the two mornings we don’t take her friend . I’ve had calls last minute to also collect her from school too which is hard because I work evenings so it’s a rush after school getting dinner ready ect and then I don’t get home until 12pm because of this I’m also very tired in the mornings and am struggling with the two girls and my toddler ds . Parking around the school is also awful so if they are running a bit late I struggle to find a space . I’m finding it hard to tell her it’s not working for me any more because I know she’s been having a lot of problems in her personal life, the kicker this morning was one of her family members had been taken into hospital last night so her dd wasn’t going to school but she forgot to message me so I drove a short distance to her house parked outside and called her , she apologise that she had forgetting to tell me but although I feel bad for her this meant my dd was nearly late for school . I was thinking about telling her I couldn’t take her any more any way but now this has happened I think it would be terrible timing . What do you think I should do ? X

OP posts:
Vulpine · 03/12/2019 10:38

She is taking the piss massively.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 03/12/2019 10:43

Just text her and say "Sorry this arrangement isn't working for me anymore. I'm happy to take your DD next week but after that please find alternative arrangements."
Don't let her guilt trip you because that will probably follow

edwinbear · 03/12/2019 10:45

I think you should tell her this arrangement doesn't work for you anymore. Does the mum ever help you out at all? It sounds like it's very one sided at the moment.

lunar1 · 03/12/2019 10:47

Given the ill family member I would probably just say that the arrangement will have to stop once they finish for Christmas, and say no altogether for the pickups.

That a bloody generous offer as well, she's massively taking the piss!

Livebythecoast · 03/12/2019 10:48

It's her responsibility to take/pick up her DD. What if your DD wasn't well? You couldn't be expected to take her if you're not doing the school run.
Text her what justherewithpopcorn said. She'll probably get the arse but as you're not close it won't really matter. You have to put yourself and DD first.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 03/12/2019 10:54

Theres a solution for her problem. Its called a childminder, and you pay them to provide childcare.

Its one thing to ask for a favour on an odd occasion, or to have a reciprocal arrangement both parties are happy with, its another to just get someone else to do half your school runs for free. She's a bit of CF, OP.

DryHeaving · 03/12/2019 10:55

She is making her problem your problem. Its too much for you. I agree the timing is rubbish but I would probably say I'd do it to the end of term.
Stop picking her daughter up too, it's OK to help in an emer but she is too reliant on you

Funnyface1 · 03/12/2019 10:56

I would definitely stop doing it. It's her responsibility and not something you should have to struggle with at all. I'd tell her you can do next week and after that she'll have to make other arrangements. Don't do it in an apologetic way, it's her issue to solve, not yours.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 03/12/2019 10:57

She struggles in the mornings and you struggle after school. She is mostly collecting her from school I take it? Cant you say it's too much for you, you can continue if she does the pick up for your daughter as well?

Otherwise I'd be honest and say they get so over excited and screech in the car and you dont feel safe driving

Wendyasbury · 03/12/2019 11:17

Just message her and tell her your finding it too much and she will need to arrange alternative.

Jackleila14 · 03/12/2019 11:26

Thank you for all the replies . I think I will say that I’ll do it until Christmas as I don’t want to leave her struggling and I won’t say any thing just yet as I know she is obviously upset at the moment . My job has a lot to do with it , if I wasn’t so tired in the mornings I think I could handle the situation a bit better.
She cant collect my dd for me because I know she struggles to collect her dd in time as well and sometimes her nan does it plus I am home any way and love seeing my dd after school (most of the time haha) . X

OP posts:
SarahTancredi · 03/12/2019 11:32

You have been so very very very kind

I think people assume that just because you are going the same way it's no ttrouble.

Truth is unless people are reliable in their time keeping, the kids are well behaved and the favour is returned occasionally, it can be hard work and alot of extra responsibility.

I don't understand why people base their decisions on schools and pre schools and jobs on such shaky arrangements. Doesnt seen very sensible.

Straycatstrut · 03/12/2019 11:33

It's not a fair arrangement is it. You're providing free childcare & getting a harder life in return!

I'm not saying "give to receive" type of thing but you have to have limits on what you can do mentally, physically, financially.... it's like giving your last tenner to a kids charity when you're on the breadline with your own kids. You *really" might want to, but can't afford to. You want to help this person but it's spiralling into stress for you - not good for you or the kids.

Getting our own kids up, ready and out and to school is hard enough. My 3yr old was face down on the living room floor this morning, and I had to physically wrestle him and strap him into his buggy to do the school run. Could I cope with my 7yr olds hyperactive best friend too? NO CHANCE.

Jackleila14 · 03/12/2019 11:36

My dd actually wasn’t feeling well the other day luckily she did end up perking up and I did think it was down to a few late nights (we had family visiting from Canada) but as I put her in the car she said her legs ached and she had a sore throat at that point my dds friend turned up for a lift I explained the situation because wasn’t sure weather to keep her home but she sort of just looked at me and said “what do you want to do” so I said I’d take her dd and bring mine home if I needed to . It was really awkward and another reason for why I wanted to stop taking her .

OP posts:
rhubarbcrumbles · 03/12/2019 11:38

I think your idea of doing it until Xmas is right, you've been more than generous,

Jackleila14 · 03/12/2019 11:41

Straycatstrut it’s hard isn’t it hahah . Definitely helped to make my mind up and also not feel quite so guilty about it :)

OP posts:
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