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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD constantly wanting to "do something festive"

13 replies

BillHadersNewWife · 03/12/2019 09:12

FFS. She's 11! She loves Christmas and so do I. I would say that I engage more than average with her one to one...I work from home part time so I'm around a lot.

She always, always wants me to think of things for her to do...sometimes she'll not ask me for days but then she gets on a sort of spiral where she bugs me....

At 11, she should be able to entertain herself! I will throw out a few festive suggestions "Make a card for Grandma" or "Make some Christmas decorations>.."

And I DO sometimes join in...so I'll make cookies or whatever but I can't do it all the bloody time!

I've got a flu type thing and I've made dinner (we're in Australia and it's early evening here) it's been eaten, I've hung out with her for a while, decorated the mantelpiece and made her hot chocolate...promised I'd make apple tarts later on but right now I need to sit here on the computer and not move much while I wait for my paracetamol to kick in.

NOT good enough. She's gone off in a huff now. Why is she like this? It's never enough!

We live in a bloody picture perfect town with the most amazing garden...she has friends over regularly but it's a school night...she has two dogs...a trampoline, a bike, a warm light evening...GAAH!!

OP posts:
Original poster
BillHadersNewWife · 03/12/2019 09:13

Oh and DH is working away this week so I can't even send her to him...he'd usually suggest a dog walk...I can't manage that today I feel far too ill. The dogs are fine though thanks to large garden. They run around after one another.

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 03/12/2019 09:19

Well for starters I would be focusing on raising her to be much more considerate of other people being ill, she's more than old enough to understand that. I would be playing it up more - so not covering it up and "getting on with it", I'd be on the sofa with a hot water bottle/cold flannel, making a sandwich or can of soup for dinner, feeling quite sorry for myself. You've already cooked dinner and played with her with the flu and she's off in a huff - she should be being encouraged to be helpful when people are ill, or at the very least not demanding of them so they can put their feet up.

Kay1341 · 03/12/2019 09:21

I would encourage her to find ideas from Pinterest (Christmas crafts, decorating, baking...).

Original poster
BillHadersNewWife · 03/12/2019 09:21

Sofa I think that's what's bothered me so much! I was very clear with her...I'm ill....you should have some consideration for me.

I don't know if it went in though. She's terribly thoughtful of her friends...her reports say she's popular and kind...always looking out for children with less confidence etc.

She obviously takes me for granted!

OP posts:
Original poster
BillHadersNewWife · 03/12/2019 09:22

Kay I did that and she does spend time doing YouTube tutorials etc but when she wants attention, she'll go all out.

OP posts:
Greenglassteacup · 03/12/2019 09:22

Allow her to be bored, she’ll find something to do

Original poster
BillHadersNewWife · 03/12/2019 09:23

Teacup I'd be more than happy to allow her! It's her who won't have it. She's gone now but I had to speak sharply.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 03/12/2019 10:10

I did find 11 to be a very self absorbed age with my two. Fair enough you spoke sharply to her, if that's what it takes to get through to her. Let her have her huff. It's not going to change that you're feeling poorly, and that you are not her entertainment manager. And for goodness sakes, don't go making apple tarts with her, YOU'RE POORLY!

(Hope you feel better soon. Smile)

GetUpAgain · 03/12/2019 10:15

Hang on in there. You are doing all the right things, and she sounds like a great girl from her school report. But when you are ill kids are hard work. She is only 11, I think it is easy to forget kids are MEANT to be immature, if they weren't, they would be adults wouldn't they. Keep doing what you are doing. Hope you feel better soon.

nibdedibble · 03/12/2019 10:19

Get a jar, write festive ideas on bits of paper, fold them up...better still get her to do it.

She is old enough to bake by herself, solder stuff, use knives, go to the shops, whatever she needs!

She could be festively making you a hot toddy as well.

Explain that adults have masses of stuff going on and full brains, and it's basically a kindness not to bug them for things when you can do it yourself :)

northbacchus · 03/12/2019 10:49

Suggest some free/cheap activities that you're happy for her to do: i.e. crafts using bits you already have, Christmas poems, letter to herself for a Christmas in the future, do some of your gift wrapping, taking festive photos of the decorations - maybe she could even start a festive blog of her activities? Then once you've suggested some ideas, give her no more suggestions until she's done those.

Also, maybe suggest she has a look round at her own things, and finds some to donate! Or see if she can help at at an elderly home's Christmas dinner?

Mrsjayy · 03/12/2019 10:53

Let her huff honestly just let her strop about and when you are feeling better have a word that she is being a bit thoughtless and you are not "the entertainment".

Redcherries · 03/12/2019 10:59

You sound like a lovely mum, I think she needs to realise you're not just mum though, you are a person in your own right too. you're poorly, need some down time. I would have a chat outlining these things and see if she can think of some ways to give some of the same TLC you would give her. Maybe make you a drink and watch something festive together under a duvet.

Hope you feel better soon.

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