To use this as a middle name...?

[Mylittlerainbow]

Last year I lost a baby girl at 21 weeks. My first baby. We named her 'the' name... the only girls name we had from before she was even conceived.

I'm now 28 weeks pregnant with another little girl and struggling to find a name that I have the same feeling about as the first. DP would like to use our first daughters name as a middle name this time. My mum has also made this suggestion. I'm not so sure.

DP has a daughter from his previous marriage and I raised the point that he wouldn't give her name as a middle name for this baby. Why is it different because she is alive and well, and our daughter isn't.

I do see his argument of using that name, and it would be a middle name, not first and not double barrelled, but I just feel off about it, like it's somehow taking my daughters memory away. I'm not sure how I feel. He thinks it will be a way for our daughter to remember the sister she never got to meet.

Honest opinions please, is it a lovely idea or just a little bit morbid?

I think it’s lovely 💐

I think it’s lovely 💐

Go for it. I don’t think it’s morbid at all.

I think if it doesn't sit right with you then dont do it. What others think is irrelevant.

I think in this circumstance you get the veto.

*I think if it doesn't sit right with you then dont do it. What others think is irrelevant.

I think in this circumstance you get the veto*

Absolutely this.

My son has the name of a close deceased relative as his middle name, i saw it as a way of honouring their memory but do whatever you feel confortable with

I think it’s a lovely idea but it doesn’t matter what I think, the only thing that matters is what you feel.

I’m sorry for your loss

I agree that you get to decide.

I also think it's a lovely way to honour and remember the baby you lost, but if you dont view it that way then dont be pressured into using the name.

I think it's a lovely idea but only if you're comfortable with using it.

Personally, I would think it’s a lovely idea.

But as others have said, if it doesn’t feel right for you then it isn’t right.

Although this is not quite the same, my mother lost my sister very late on in pregnancy. She was named, she had a memorial service & we visit her grave every year (21 years on!)

I always thought if I had a daughter I would consider giving her my sister’s name, or perhaps as a middle name. I like the name anyway and it would honour my sister.

However, I can definitely see both sides, and ultimately you should only name your second daughter in a way you are comfortable with. But it’s not uncommon to use family names as middle names - my mothers middle name, for example, is my grandmother’s maiden name & my middle name is my great-grandmother’s middle name. My dad’s middle name is his dad’s name etc. It could be a really lovely way of honouring and remembering your first daughter.

I would also consider the possible impact of using her name on your second daughter - when she is older she could resent it or feel like a “replacement” for the daughter you lost. I’m not suggesting for a second that she is, but feelings are complicated and it might be something you have to navigate with your daughter as she gets older.

All the best for this pregnancy :)

Agree with other posters if it doesn't sit right now then I Wouldn't do it. Personally I wouldn't do it either. Don't commit to anything you may well change your mind when baby arrives. Good luck with rest of your pregnancy x

I’m with you. Something about it feels a bit like people are suggesting you haven’t really used the name “properly” yet, which of course you have.

Do whatever feels right though. It seems like the sort of thing you should trust your gut on.

So sorry for your loss.
Our daughter has 3 names and 3rd is after dhs later sister. Another family member gave their child this name as their only name .
But its your choice .

I'd agree with Paddington

Sorry for your loss

See how you feel when your second daughter is born, I think then you'll know if it feels like a way to honour her or if you feel it takes anything away.

Could you use a variant of her name as your second daughter's middle name, or a name with a similar meaning.

If your first daughter hadn't died you would probably not consider this so don't feel pressured to do this because she died, if that makes sense.

My grandmother did do this after a baby died, their sibling had their name for a middle name, but she also gave some of her other children middle names that were other children's first names.

I think no.

It was your first daughter's name.

Give your 2nd daughter her own names.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I like honouring family members through middle names and think that's lovely. In fact, my cousin has just named her baby boy after our late grandad and I love that. However I think I agree with the fact it almost feels like we haven't properly used the name yet and that's what I think is bugging me, because we have.

I also do worry about the long term affect of DD feeling like a replacement later in life. I know my other half too well and sometimes he doesn't always articulate things as well as he means to and when explaining to DD later in life he would no doubt explain her middle name in a way that could be misconstrued.

I also think I'm reluctant to commit to a name until she is here this time after last time, maybe I'm being superstitious, so I think I will wait and see how I feel when she arrives, but I agree that if it doesn't sit right now, it probably never will.

I have the same first name as my brother, who was born a couple of years before me, and died when he was a few days old. You don't have to go that far, but you don't need to rule it out as a middle name unless you really want to. It's up to you - do what feels right.

My middle name is the same as my Mothers sister who died when she was very young, I'm proud of the link (in my own way) and think its a reminder, and that she wont be forgotten. If I didn't have the name, i'm not sure I would remember her (sorry sounds weird, but my DM doesn't talk about her) ?