I’m lost

[Norwayspruce5]

Not as in I can’t find myself home, but mentally and emotionally. I’m in need of some perspective on my situation. Bear with me if this is long, sorry.

I am deeply unhappy with my life, not just a bit fed up and low at the moment but I think I am now mentally not well, I would say I have functioning depression and anxiety if that’s a thing but progressively I feel worse as times going on. I have begun to not enjoy most things that previously gave my happiness, example - Xmas tree went up that the weekend, I’m sat here looking at it and can’t wait for Xmas to be over already I couldn’t give two shits about it, many other examples of things like this. I’m now numb to most things.

Where I live plays a big part, it’s actually a beautiful part of the UK, saught after place to raise children, low crime rates etc but I feel like my world is very small and very isolated here, I’ve been here years but I still don’t know many people, my family live four hours away. I’m also not happy at work either but due to the location I’m in childcare friendly jobs are very far and few between. I’m stuck.

In an ideal world I would move back to my home town to start again with my family close by, I have plan to go to university with the help of my family who have told me they would be I board. I know my child would be happy that his family close by, he often tells me he is lonely without family here.

My Aibu is can I put myself first or am I being selfish? I know if it was just my emotional well being I have to think of I would be off in a heartbeat but my child is very happy and settled at school. He is due to move up to year 7 in September and is very excited to this next stage with his mates. He has recently had a bad time in another school and moved to the one he is now and he is like a different child due to the friendships he has, it means so much that he’s a happier child now. He has always come first as he should in everything I do, I would never put myself first but my unhappiness here is becoming so overwhelming and consuming. Do I stick it out until he’s grown up?

Thanks for anyone who has stuck with this! I appreciate the no nonsense advise on this site, if anyone has any thoughts that would be great?

In my opinion if it is affecting your mental well being this much, YANBU to move. Your child has a real interest in having a happy mother and I’m sure he would be very happy living by your family.

However have you sought help for your depression and anxiety? Are you sure moving would actually make you feel better?

Just move. Although your son is excited about secondary school with his friends, the reality is that in year 7 friendship groups change a lot anyway, and it's a good time to start somewhere new. Plus he'll have family around, and it will be better for him if you are happier too.

BUT. Don't expect the move to automatically resolve your mental health issues. I would go and see a GP about it now, get them to test you for depression and anxiety and see if they recommend treatment (therapy or medication). Moving is pretty stressful at the best of times, so you want to make sure you are in a position to cope with that.

Depression is awful I know because I have suffered with it over the years sometimes wondering what the point of carrying on is but I went to my GP and was put on a very low dose of anti depressants which helped enormously. Have you spoken to a doctor or anyone about your depression? Putting yourself first over your child isn't selfish ,I think you have to in order to get better and improve both your lives. Can you afford to upsticks and move closer to family because if you can that's what I would do.

I moved with an 8 year old following divorce. We now live very near family and see them most days. Dd says she is much happier but still misses her old school.

Thank you for replies and advise.
I’ve thought of going to the GP but In my circumstances I don’t think medication will help me, I think once I stop taking it whenever that will be the same underlying issues will still be there, i will still be unhappy with my circumstances - living here alone, no job prospects, limited social life/friendships.

I’ve been unhappy here for a long time, probably about 2 years now consistently. The isolation has taken its tole. There’s been a few other things go on here that have made life seem harder, things that are out of my control. I don’t have the money to move yet but if I were to go it would be the summer holidays, I would be able to save up enough by then.

That’s a good question, would moving make me feel better? I would like to think I would. I feel like I would have more then then I have here, I understand it’s a big step though and not to have too high expectations like I’m suddenly going to feel ok as soon as I get there!

DCs make friends quickly at that age. He has already said he wants to be near family, so why not go for it?
Agree with a PP who said moving may not automatically make you feel better.
Do you get excited and enthused at the thought of moving? Have you looked for property, thought about whereabouts you'd like to live, schools, uni for you?

If the top rung of the ladder is to be happy again, and the bottom rung is where you are now, what are the rungs you need to climb? What do you need to do, what comes first? Break it down into little steps.

This is a good way of looking at things and making a plan thank you. The last two years I’ve known where I would live, school and uni!!
I guess the top of the ladder is me at uni, working towards the career I know will fulfil me, mixing with others again and making friends. I’ve recently gained a qualification I need to get a place on the course and I still have the ambition within me to gain the rest I need to get there, I don’t want to lose this goal so it’s good I still have the drive at least.

It’s nice to hear the posts saying it shouldn’t be too hard of a child of that age, I suppose it has to be then rather then later teenage years.