AIBU Parents, xmas, juggling patchwork families

[OhMyDarling]

I know it’s late in the day for all this but I need a reality check. I think. Or maybe not. I can’t decide.

ALWAYS spend Xmas day with my mums side of the family and Boxing Day with my dads.
It has alwayssssss been this way since I was born. Every single year.

I’ve planned everything around this- tickets to a panto, seeing friends, seeing extended family etc

Today my dad announced they can only see us next wkend and not at all over Xmas.
He isn’t going away, he just has planned other things.

Is this a bit odd?
No arguments, no fall outs. Very unexpected.

I’m on my own with 2 teens. I find xmas so so difficult.

My mum sees her step children on Boxing Day with her husband- they live 4 hours away, tiny house, no where for us to stay and too far to drive there and back in a day, so we can’t go there.

AIBU for feeling upset that my dad hasn’t told me sooner??

We can’t actually do next weekend as one dd is on a school trip and the other has an event linked with her cross curricular activity most of the day and will be shattered -and filthy so will need a good soak in the tub after-

“Unfortunately we already have other plans booked in for next weekend. Aren’t we fortunate to both have so much on, and so many people to catch up with! Shall we work out another time that we’re both free?”

Tell him which days will work for you and the leave it. You don’t have to rearrange your schedule. For the holidays, Plan something in your own home with your kids. I promise, you can have a great day with just the 3 of you.

My kids want to see their grandparent at Xmas.
I want to see my dad and his family over Xmas.

Surely if they were going to change plans then they should have warned me sooner?

When you say you have made plans around things what exactly is it going to affect? Were you spending the day at your DFs house. If so can you not make something special for you and your dc on boxing day?

He really should have warned you sooner. Is it his partner saying no or is something wrong and they don’t want to spoil Christmas,

Do you ever have Christmas at home just your inner circle? Might be a nice change.

It's Dec the 2nd still plenty of time to organise something else.

There's lots open on Boxing Day, start a new tradition. I'm thinking of making my family go to the cinema if only to shut them up for 2 hours (my parents are descending for 6 days!)

We usually do a small casual pj day at my dads on Boxing Day, exchange gifts, get take away, watch a film, drink a lot, stay over
Or sometimes we all go to my uncles in the country and my aunt cooks, big Boxing Day walk etc

Nope no rows, no arguments.
I saw him last weekend and he didn’t say anything. I feel a bit lost! Everyone else seems to have plans for Boxing Day.

All I can see is a day with the girls plugged in to their ithings and me sitting watching reruns of Gogglebox.

Wow you've done the exact same thing for Christmas since you were born?

Good on your Dad for shaking things up a bit.

As for telling you sooner... it's over 3 weeks away and it's one day - just how much notice would have been acceptable?

There's loads you can do on Boxing Day. Most shops, cinemas, bowling alleys, gyms are open, go for a long walk, go for a drive and a wander around a beauty spot, stay in your pjs all day eating chocolate. Start a new tradition.

Well make arrangements to do something, lazy morning, afternoon walk followed by early evening meal out? Boxing day sales with coffee/lunch. Cinema, Ice Skating, Bowling. With 2 teenage girls it really shouldnt be that hard.

I guess it's an opportunity to start doing something new. If the weather isn't bad, we like to do Treasure Trails Not too expensive plus it's a walk with a purpose! We usually time it so we can have a pub lunch half way around

The best thing about Boxing Day is not having to do anything.

I thought everyone stayed home on Boxing Day. I must say I find it a peculiarly UK thing to herd your children off out of their home for Christmas - I have spent nearly every year home with my DC since they were born. This year 2 will be teens and there is no way they would leave home - they love PJs and TV and chocolate and a lie-in. If I'm lucky they will manage a walk with me.

Make a new tradition for you and your DC - do something together on Boxing Day and create a little event for you (whether that is a walk followed by hot chocolate or a trip to the cinema or a trip to the shops) what do you enjoy doing with them?

Your kids are teens, it’s really not a big deal. In another few years they may be wanting to add seeing boyfriends/girlfriends into that mix. And a few weeks is plenty of notice, I’ve barely given a thought to Christmas yet.

I would be upset he didn't discuss it earlier but time to start new things with your dc. Agree a tech free afternoon in exchange for them choosing the snacks and film!!

Could you see your DP/DH's family on Boxing Day?

(Hope I haven't put my foot in it!)

@StCharlotte OP said she was alone with 2 DC!

We usually go to the beach on whichever day isn't raining after Christmas.
Also planning ice skating plus there's a local play.
Mind you, my DM just asked us yesterday if we'd come for Christmas (but not to stay with her, she asked another family member ages ago as she does every year. DS has SEN and doesn't cope with crowds. So that's a big fat NO).

Just re-read your post. I have indeed put my foot in it. Sorry

I'd be upset, that's a bit shit

@TuttiCutie yes, I’ve done the same things on Boxing Day since I was born. It was the court arrangements during the custody hearing for myself and sibling. Mums family Xmas day, dads family boxing day.
It stuck. It’s a family tradition. As I explained.

@finn1020 I appreciate it might not be a big deal to you, but if you were suddenly facing quite an isolated Xmas I’d imagine it would be.

@Annasgirl I don’t herd my family out of the house... we see family. I didn’t think this was unusual over Xmas?

@StCharlotte no dh or dp.

Every one seems to be busy on Boxing Day with seeing their family, so just another normal day for us then!
I’m sure it will be fine. Might look at NT passes or something.

I understand it not being a lot of lead time. I’d also be hurt about the lack of explanation.

My MIL has done dinner on Boxing Day the last few years. This year she told us last week it’s her turn to have the 25th. A) it’s not as far as our family is concerned, B) it’s a little late in the game. My parents have had their meals organized since October.

Could you see your aunt and uncle like you sometimes do?

Does your DF have a partner who might have decided to do something different this year - if this tradition has been going on forever it sounds as though it's more than he just fancies a change, especially if he is saying he can't see you AT ALL over Christmas - I can understand why you're upset.

However, he is obviously set in that decision so all you can do is make the best of it and plan some treats for yourself and your DC and maybe start a new Boxing Day tradition?