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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really upset at the feedback Ive just received from my agency?

74 replies

ManonBlackbeak · 02/12/2019 17:25

Just that really. Ive been doing supply work as a TA in schools for the last few years, enjoy it and have had lots of long term placements. I get asked back all the time to lots of schools. Not boasting but I always get good feedback, or did until today.

Signed up with another agency at the start of the year to try and keep my options open, and was offered a week long placement in one of the few schools Ive not been to in our area. Seemed really nice, actually very nice and was looking forward to going back. To cut a long story short the agency just rang and told me that they don't want me back because they think Im odd or a weirdo. Or both. Basically when Im tired I twitch my eyes and this is apparently odd and was commented on by the teacher, they also thought I was talking to myself. I wasn't as far as Im aware, but then doesn't everyone occasionally! Honestly it was a pure character assasination and a general attack on who I am that has made me feel like a piece of shit. I know im a bit quirky and eccentric, but this is who I am and no one has ever commented on it in over four years. Why did the consultant even tell me? Surely a short 'they didn't think you were right for them' should suffice.

So as not to drip feed I suffer from dreadful anxiety (the facial twitch is related to that), and this has me me feel awful. Just so shitty and makes me wonder why I bother?

OP posts:

LimitIsUp · 03/12/2019 00:19

Yep - given that you won't work for the school again or that agency, absolutely do complain and make them squirm!

MeTheCoolOne · 03/12/2019 00:37

Do I complain directly to the school or let it go? I really feel that they shouldn't be allowed to get away it, fine if you think im not very good at my job but this just feels far more personal than that.

Is there a Board of Governors?

I think whoever complained was unprofessional and downright nasty. What a horrible and weird thing to do. OP, please don't worry about this. Anyone who would say something like that is obviously really stupid.

VanGoghsDog · 03/12/2019 00:49

If you suffer from anxiety then that could be classed as a disability. If the tic is a manifestation of the anxiety and they gave you bad feedback as a result it, then that is disability discrimination and I absolutely think you should make the governors aware. Especially as the school presumably has to deal with pupils who may have similar issues!

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 03/12/2019 01:20

Of course you can’t help a twitch but surely you can help talking to yourself. Personally I’d find it odd if I worked with a colleague that mumbled to themselves a lot.

Well I’d find you odd for being concerned about it.

ilovesooty · 03/12/2019 02:43

It has to be your choice whether to take it further but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you had to experience that.

OrangeSlices998 · 03/12/2019 02:46

We’ve all mumbled to ourselves while looking for something in your bag ‘Oh where is it, I’m sure I put it in...’ or you drop something for the 50th time ‘oh for goodness sake!’ to yourself. Just me?

@ OP if you want to challenge it I’d be tempted to email the head directly?

Bluerussian · 03/12/2019 02:53

I'm so sorry, that is really tough. You can't help a twitch - reminds me I have had a twitchy eyelid from time to time when I've bee stressed, nervous, cold (not recently but it was very annoying when I did).

I expect you'll be scrupulous from now on about talking to yourself - if you ever did! Maybe you muttered a couple of times. Even so, not a big deal and it seems as though, overall, you've been good at your job.

Don't let them grind you down - onwards and upwards, a new you!

AGirlCalledJohnny · 03/12/2019 03:01

I’m sorry, I don’t have any advice re school. But I will say re: the twitch, I had the same happen a few years ago, especially when tired and my pal recommended either magnesium oil or cream and it works wonders. Apparently the more deficient you are, the more it stings when you apply it - which it sure did! But it bloody works and I’m positively evangelical about the stuff ever since

Creepster · 03/12/2019 03:08

I think you should thank them for the feed back on your anxiety and then give them some feedback on what is and is not an appropriate subject for feedback.

CrumpetyTea · 03/12/2019 03:35

I do think the agent is right to give you feedback as to why the school doesn't want you back- it's part of their job. Would you rather they filtered it more? told you something generic - eg you didn't fit? Its not nice that its for a personal reason. I don't think its a character assassination though - he has from the sounds of it focused on actions/things you did (however inadvertently).

mathanxiety · 03/12/2019 06:04

Thing is the guy from agency wasn't rude, he said he had something sensitive to discuss with me and asked me if I have any odd quirks because the school were 'concerned' about it. Then he asked me if I have anxiety which I do, he said this wouldn't make them stop using me. But also told me to be mindful of it in future.

This is not the same as calling you 'odd' or 'a weirdo'.

You said yourself that you know you're a bit quirky and eccentric.

I suspect he told you what the feedback was so that you could try to control the mannerisms in future. I agree with CrumpetyTea's thoughts here.

You may be particularly sensitive to those specific criticisms, but I would not complain at all to the school, or to the agency.

Without a formal diagnosis of anxiety or autism you are leaving yourself open to unfair criticism, so if you have a suspicion, I would be inclined to try to get an assessment. A diagnosis brings with it certain protections. You could also get some help controlling anxiety or mannerisms that might be distracting in a classroom if you got a diagnosis.

Students in some schools will make the life of a teacher who talks to herself or has a twitch quite hard. It can be distracting from the lesson and result in less than optimal classroom flow.

Hepsibar · 03/12/2019 06:35

The school may have been asked for any feedback and so they gave something. I would suggest if you do go back to the school to question feedback, you approach it very professionally and objectively ... as schools do have communication with each other. I do think the fact that you cant help something isnt really an issue if it is something that adversely affects the service you are delivering ... but what you mention doesnt seem to be this.

With regard to the agency, I think a similar approach would be useful.

OhTheRoses · 03/12/2019 06:44

I agree with Hepsibar. It was unkind and and it upset you.

What concerns me more, for you, is whether you are getting optimum support and treatment for your anxiety. Could this be the catalyst to press for some therapy, possible some or more effective medication and even for a diagnosis which may well underpin the quality of cli ical care you get in future.

Good luck OP and sorry you had to go through this.

User342109097569098 · 03/12/2019 06:53

100% complain. I’d go board of governors.

FredaFrogspawn · 03/12/2019 06:53

I’m afraid I agree it’s not for the agency to filter feedback. Equally, you don’t have to accept the feedback- now you know where not to work. It sounds like stupid, pointless feedback as it didn’t relate to how you taught, how professional you were - time keeping etc - or how friendly you were. Well fuck that school, they lost you.

I would still prefer honesty from the agency, which they did give you. I wouldn’t blame them.

Interestedwoman · 03/12/2019 07:37

How grim. :( That could make you even more anxious about going in to places. Please keep telling yourself, as you are, that every other place has been fine with you.

Then you could think of things you could do to improve your anxiety. Try medication, or go back to your doctor if you're on meds and say you've had this happen. They could try something new, or up the dose. There are dozens of meds they can try. Same goes for therapy- try something new.

It would be well worth you getting a formal diagnosis of ASD. That way, schools would be even less likely to do this as they'd make allowances.

Hugs and best wishes xxxxx

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 03/12/2019 07:42

Most areas don’t have the funds to pay for an adult ASD diagnosis and if they do, the wait lists are long - 24 months here.

Original poster

ManonBlackbeak · 03/12/2019 07:53

I’ve had treatment for my anxiety in the past and have been pretty well lately, however it flares up when I’m tired or stressed which I have been this past week or so.

It doesn’t affect my ability to do my job, and I don’t really understand the relevance of it. I can’t help but think the school must be a really unkind and unpleasant place if they think that it’s acceptable to give ‘feedback’ like that.

OP posts:

ravensoaponarope · 03/12/2019 08:48

I'm on the autistic spectrum and worked in a school for many years in a voluntary capacity. A few years into it, the teacher I worked with told me that the SENCO had warned her "Keep an eye on that one, there;s something not right about her."

Longfacenow · 03/12/2019 08:54

I think you need to be clear exactly what feedback you got, no paraphrasing because you're upset, before you complain.

I think the consultant was right to be more direct about it in case you could, but appreciate you are saying you can't, do something to address the feedback. I would hate to be told vague platitudes to save my feelings instead of a (kind and professional) clue as to how I'm coming across.

RockinHippy · 03/12/2019 09:36

Wow, just how fecking unprofessional is that agency. I'm gobsmacked that they told you that. You are well rid

Ghostontoast · 03/12/2019 10:11

I would hazard a guess that this school has “staff retention problems”!

Don’t let the bastards get you down!

Original poster

ManonBlackbeak · 03/12/2019 12:23

Wow raven that is terrible. And from a senco as well.

I’ve now been given work with my original agency, the thing is though I’ve spent all morning doubting myself because of this. I can’t ever imagine saying those kind of comments about someone. In all the years I’ve been doing this job I’ve never had remarks made like this, in fact I don’t think I’ve ever had negative feedback.

OP posts:

LolaDabestest · 03/12/2019 12:26

I find the other staff weirder that they even mentioned the stuff fuck them.

Original poster

ManonBlackbeak · 03/12/2019 12:32

Well yes and that, Lola. Who even says stuff like that about someone they don’t even know.

OP posts:

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