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AIBU?

To wonder what the hell you were thinking?

34 replies

HappyHen4 · 02/12/2019 09:34

Its a long one:

So I have a pal who i've been friends with for 14 or so years. When we were around 19, he got his first girlfriend. They got engaged after two years and it was all very lovely and exciting (big engagement party). They then moved in together and things started to go south a bit. 5 years later then did end up getting married and it was a lovely big wedding, beautiful venue etc. In the background when he was with friends and she wasn't there, he would always be slagging her of saying she was pressuring him to get married, pressuring him to have a baby because its what she wanted within a certain time frame. Whenever I would be with them as a couple, they openly bickered (almost every single time). They were clearly unhappy.
So they bought a house and had a baby. It was all going pretty nicely. A couple of years ago, he told me that she had found out she could not have any more children.

They ended up breaking up (after 12 years together). It was all horribly messy. He was suspecting her of cheating on him. Spoiler: She probably was..) He ended up putting a listening device on some kind in her phone so he could listen to what she did in the car when she went for her 'late night drives'. She had met a new friend and started going to gigs with him, dressing up etc.
So yeah they split up. Both behaved badly. Small child in the middle. He moved back in with his parents (he is now renting a place). Im not sure what she did... I think they sold their house, but I don't know where she moved to. They kept seeing the girl jointly which is good.

He has since tried dating but that hasn't gone brilliantly as he clearly isn't over his ex.

She has just got engaged.. She has been with her new fiancé for a year. There was likely to be some overlap with her and her ex.
AIBU to think that this is:

  1. super quick (to divorce and get engaged within the same year).
  2. harsh to put it all over facebook knowing it would get back to her ex

    I know replies will likely come from all angles as they were clearly so unhappy for so long and dragging out a bad relationship, but still.. there was love there at some point and it all feels so horrible towards him and malicious in a way.
OP posts:
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Daisy7654 · 02/12/2019 10:32

I think you are him and you're writing in disguise as 'a friend'!

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CharityConundrum · 02/12/2019 10:32

She owes him nothing - it sounds like he was pretty awful to her and expected her to just stick it out because he wanted to 'honour his marriage vows' but without actually being pleasant to her. Why shouldn't she enjoy being happy? If she is enjoying causing him pain, isn't that what he was doing by pretending to be in love with her and encouraging her to build a life around him whilst constantly badmouthing her to all their mutual friends? I think that's much worse than what she's doing - at least they aren't together now.

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Jodie77 · 02/12/2019 10:34

So he only wants her now she's gone?

Your friend is an arsehole, sorry

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Paddy1234 · 02/12/2019 10:39

Good on the wife for getting out.
You have written it biased to him and I still feel sorry for her!

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ApacheTomcat · 02/12/2019 10:45

"it all feels so horrible towards him and malicious in a way."

This is the man who slagged his fiancee/wife off at every opportunity to any friends who would listen?

She's no longer in a relationship with him. She no longer has to consider his thoughts and feelings about her private life. His only role in her life now is as the co-parent of their child.

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joyfullittlehippo · 02/12/2019 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zaphodsotherhead · 02/12/2019 11:01

And exactly how is it horrible and malicious towards him? All she's done is leave an unhappy relationship and form another, by the sounds of it, much more positive and happy one.

What would your friend have been happy with - her taking holy orders, becoming a nun and joining a silent closed order?

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Auradal · 02/12/2019 11:05

They both sound pretty awful to be honest. He was slagging her off all the time, even before they got married.

They've divorced. She's moved on. She's got engaged. So what?

Not like it was all over facebook before they got divorced.

None of your business anyway. Why are you so invested in this?
Oh and btw, I think he sounds like a bit of an arsehole so remember this should you have designs on him.

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TheNameGames · 02/12/2019 11:09

Why is this any of your business? Do you fancy him? Or are you trying to get validation and really you’re the ex in your OP?

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