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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Shared bathroom and who uses it when

20 replies

playaplaya · 02/12/2019 08:27

DD lives in a uni house of 7. There is one broken shower room that the land lord keeps saying he will fix.
They have a room with a bath.

5/7 of them do not take baths and instead use the gym showers or have a bath at night.

DD is a morning washer, as is her flatmate, Tom.

Tom is a scientist who has lecturers or labs that start most days at 9:00am.
DD is a geography student who likes to get in the library for its opening at 9:00am

They live 3 minutes from labs/library.

Tom has made numerous snide comments that he should have the bathroom between 8:00-8:30am because he has things on every day at 9:00am. DD understands this and so makes sure she is out of the bath by 8:10am or, goes in after him.

Yet anytime she is in the bath when he wants to go in she gets a barrage of messages telling her to hurry up. Or to text him when he’s out. I need to go in now. etc Or even huffing loudly outside the door.

Basically he thinks he owns the bathroom in the mornings, and dd can fit around his schedule.

She has hear Tom bitching to other flat mates that she should know he needs to go in then etc.

What I don’t get, is why can’t he eat his breakfast in the 10 mins he is waiting? Dd is mindful and gets out with plenty of time.

OP posts:

Verily1 · 02/12/2019 08:30

Who has baths in the morning?!

Tom sounds like an arse but a lecture is fixed. The library is open all day!

BlueBirdGreenFence · 02/12/2019 08:33

10 minutes is a really big chunk of time in the morning for a student who has to be somewhere early. Can your daughter not just hop into the bath 10 minutes earlier?

OrangeZog · 02/12/2019 08:35

He sounds like a housemate to avoid living with next year! Why does it take him half an hour to have a quick bath and use the bathroom? How long is your DD in there for?

I think the issue is both the time he wants it and the duration of time. His lecture is fixed, so I can understand him feeling under time pressure to be washed and ready but he needs to either get up before your DD or else perhaps they can agree a rota to keep the peace. They also need to get the landlord to fix the shower!

Deux · 02/12/2019 08:41

The simplest solution would be for them to agree time slots the night before and stick to them.

I don’t see why Tom’s time schedule should trump your DD’s. They both need to compromise so that their needs are met.

I’d be wary that this is yet another bloke who expects women to make way for him.

HeddaGarbled · 02/12/2019 08:42

I think she should let Tom have the bathroom for 8.00am, as he has requested, and she’s being passive aggressive staying in there until 8.10am.

chantico · 02/12/2019 08:44

Lecture is fixed time. Hers is preference.

She goes after him sometimes with no difficulty. Why can that not be always?

Iloveacurry · 02/12/2019 08:48

No one needs the bathroom for 30 minutes! Tom’s an idiot.

ColaFreezePop · 02/12/2019 08:49

Tom is an a-hole. He knows he has lectures in the morning so needs to consistently get up at the same time to use the bathroom every single day. This means he gets up at 7.50am and goes in before your DD. If he isn't up and in by say 8.15am then she uses it.

I had to do this while a uni student for a term and in various house shares after that for years. In fact I would swap if for example a house mate had an important event/serious of events like OFSTED. House mates mixture of men and women.

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/12/2019 08:50

He is being an arse. They both have schedules, his isn't any more important than hers. His preferred time is unfair on anyone else who wants to be somewhere at 9 am, hers isn't .

icemelting · 02/12/2019 09:07

She needs to get up earlier. I loved in a shared house at uni and the one person who bathed in the morning got up at 6.30 so as not to interrupt anyone else.

I’m not suggesting that early but she could be done by the time anyone else wants to use it

recrudescence · 02/12/2019 09:19

Why are you involved in this at all?

retiredand · 02/12/2019 09:23

Why should he have to eat breakfast at the time your dd dictates?

Is there a reason he can't have the bathroom from 8-8.30? She can either go in at 7.30 or at 8.30 as her plans are flexible.

If she really is determined to be at the library for 9 as opposed to 9.15 then she takes the 7.30-8 option.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/12/2019 09:41

I've always lived by the rule that whoever needs to be out first can use the bathroom first - it just feels nice, and I appreciate other people doing it for me. So Tom has a lecture at 9am and DD just has a preference for being out, in this case I'd let Tom use the bathroom first.

Having a bath in a student flat seems a bit weird full stop, let alone a morning one - I don't think anyone ever used the shared bath in five years of uni accommodation. Her flatmates may feel she's being a bit antagonistic taking a bath at that time when she doesn't have a set deadline and other flatmates do... but that said DD does have as much right as him to use the bathroom, and if she's happy, I'd let her navigate this by herself.

Alsohuman · 02/12/2019 09:47

She’s being really passive aggressive. She doesn’t have to be out of the door by 9am, he does. He’s asked for the 8.00 to 8.30 bathroom slot, yet she’s insisting on taking ten minutes of it. Did you bring her up to be awkward for the hell of it, OP?

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/12/2019 09:50

Why can't he be in the bathroom from 8:10 to 8:40, that way they both get out in time and no one gets up very early? She is offering a workable compromise, he isn't. Next year's lectures could mean a 9 am start for her too.

Mlou32 · 02/12/2019 10:03

I think the main issue is that the landlord needs to fix the shower. One bath between 7 residents? Does that even meet HMO standards? I'd be seeking advice.

73Sunglasslover · 02/12/2019 10:20

When I used to stay at my sister's occasionally during the week, her OH and I both had baths/ showers (same room and only bathroom) in the morning. We'd agree the night before what time each person would be in there bearing in mind our plans the next day. It was never a problem. Can she and Tom not do that?

SlothMama · 02/12/2019 10:25

The biggest issue for me is that the landlord still hasn't fixed the shower. They need to keep complaining and threaten to report him to the University or to not recommend people rent from them in the future.

churchandstate · 02/12/2019 10:36

Nobody in a shared house with places to be by 9am needs half an hour in the bathroom. Nor is it fair for two housemates out of seven to commandeer the bathroom for an hour between them every day, regardless of whether others usually use it in the evening. There should be a house agreement that 15 minutes is ample in the morning, end of issue.

And the landlord needs to fix the shower as a matter of urgency.

Russell19 · 02/12/2019 13:27

Anyone else think this is ridiculous?

Let your daughter sort it out herself. She is old enough to do this.

She can get an en suite room next year.

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