to feel confused / overwhelmed / unhappy?

[nicannie]

I'm sorry there was no way to keep this shorter (if you get bored reading then I apologise), maybe should have posted in 'Pregnancy' but I feel AIBU gets a better response and need some form of honesty here.

I'm currently 25w5 days pregnant, and I'm starting to feel really overwhelmed by the lack of support at work, as well as it effecting my home life. I'm just going to outline a few things below that maybe have triggered it, am I just too hormonal / emotional and taking all this in the worst way or maybe I have some form of pregnancy fatigue or work depression - both of which people have said could be the case. I think I'm just being a drama queen but maybe it's more than that..

• I'm a PA and therefore me and my boss have a close working relationship, since the pregnancy he has distanced himself from me. ie, he doesn't always give me things to do verbally, he will email them through to me whilst I'm sat outside his office. Text rather than phone etc. He think I'm 'really young' to have a baby (I'm 25) and has commented it took him by surprise. He hasn't once asked me how baby is or what gender, maybe just a male thing but I do find it a little odd as all the other managers (male) are interested to know how I'm getting on.

• There are two girls who work as admin in the shared office who aren't any direct link to me or my boss (but work for the same company of course), they have recently been commenting how they would hate to be a PA and how much of a shit job it must be, which has really bothered me as I feel it's intention to get a reaction of some kind from me. They haven't said one word to me about my pregnancy or even acknowledged that I am pregnant. Instead they ignore me like I don't exist and it's gotten worse since I fell pregnant. I've also been told that they bitch about me as soon as I get up and leave the room, I don't quite get why but it's starting to make me feel anxious being around them.

• I travel 30 miles each way to work, some days it can take me 2 hours to get there or back (traffic / accident dependant) and therefore I leave at 6am to get to work, and my boss will occasionally keep me here until after 5/6pm which then stresses me out because then the traffic is heavier and it's such long days (pathetic I know), I should mention I don't get over time and I don't get the time back if I work extra. This annoys me as I dread each day thinking he will keep me late.

• Last week I had a really bad week, I left early a few days due to feeling poorly and I felt so guilty about asking to go home as I felt he thought I was taking the piss. In the end I took a days annual leave on Friday as the thought of coming in was filling me with dread. To then add to my frustrations with work, Sunday at 7am I got a message from my boss asking me to book him a hotel for that evening, and then in the afternoon I got a message saying 'there's a to do list on my desk for you for Monday, don't forget' - I just found it quite rude, no thank you for jumping on and working to book him a hotel on the Sunday. Then usually he would allow me to work from home if he isn't going to be around in the office, instead he told me to come in for a 'to do' list but I get here, his office is locked, and his analyst has text me to say she won't be coming in as he called her this morning to tell her he won't be here?

• Last night I tossed and turned in my sleep (as I do most nights before work the last few months or so) and I kept waking up thinking about this text with the 'to do' list, it genuinely was like it was haunting me and I kept telling myself I was being ridiculous, but no matter what I just couldn't sleep or shake it off.

So essentially, I feel like I'm just being treated like shit since I said I was pregnant. Am I being dramatic? Is my hormones making deals of things I shouldn't be making a deal off?

I can only compare with how my work was and this is completely different. I got paid leave for any docs appointments and sick days related to pregnancy (of which there were many) and was never made to feel bad about it.

Pregnancy is truly exhausting and you need to make sure your priority is you. Can you speak to your HR department about it? Also your boss shouldn’t be commenting on your pregnancy, it’s unprofessional.

Honestly I'd assume they're being knobs about it because
a) your boss knows your maternity replacement won't be as efficient or as knowledgable as you
b) the girls have probably been told they'll need to pick up some of your responsibilities

It's the time to look after yourself now. Don't work outside of your contracted hours.

If you feel unwell, don't go in. They can't discriminate against you for pregnancy related illnesses.

Don't try and rush in after your appointments or arrange them around work. You're legally entitled to attend all appointments regardless of how it affects work.

It's about you and your baby now - work is no longer a priority.

@puds11 I get paid for my sick days and also my docs appointments, I just feel guilty. But he genuinely does make me feel quite bad about it, whether it's intentional or not.

I know, that's what everyone keeps saying and right now I feel like I'm so stressed with it all. Whether it's dramatic or not, that's how it's making me feel. I cry most days on the day home, and can't pin point why. My HR woman has a close relationship as she reports directly into my boss too, and feel anything I tell her she tells him. She mentioned to me he won't understand so do what I had to do feeling wise and take care of myself. Last week I mentioned to her I was quite 'low in mood' so was taking Friday annual leave, I felt that was maybe a bit of shout for help from her and all I got back was 'I hope you feel better soon, maybe call your midwife if you low mood.'

Ps - agree it is unprofessional but I didn't expect anything less to be honest!

@GiveHerHellFromUs I would have agreed with a), but I've came in and found out we have my 'replacement' starting on 9th December, I don't plan to leave until first week of February and that's really bothered me as well because I don't feel like some days I have enough to do never mind sit with another person full time doing the same job for 2 months.
b) someone else said that but they have nothing to do with my boss, or me. They are kind of like, the manager underneath my bosses admins for his 'area' so to speak. So they can't be asked to pick up any my slack or do any the stuff I do.

I know, I keep thinking that. But some days he will say 'leave at 4 today but prepare to stay late tomorrow' or 'prepare for staying late Monday' or something along those lines. It's hard to say no, I feel like I can't.

I do feel unwell, but I'm not sure if it's all in my head mentally, or I genuinely feel low due to back ache, or fatigue/exhaustion etc. Some days I feel like I say I'm 'unwell' just so I have an excuse not to come in, I've never been like this before as I've worked every day since I was 16 full time and I've been here over 2 years and never had a sick day until recently.

I pushed my last midwife app to 4.20pm to avoid any work related issues. But this time I asked for a midday so I could essentially work from home morning and afternoon around the appointment. Apart from 1 midwife app and 2 scans I've had no 'app time' off.

I keep thinking that, but I just doubt he see's it like that. Few weeks back my dog seemed to have a bad back injury, it was a Monday. I told him I'd be in after vets. Vets were quite concerned about him and told me to stay at home and rest him, I phoned to tell him and the response I got was 'fine but you must be here tomorrow I need you here' - but what about my dog? Dogs might not be high priority to him, but in my life, my dogs actually do matter. Again, not every ones cup of tea having a dog, but they are like my mini fur babies too. I felt it was quite insensitive.

I’m sorry you feel this way, OP!

I had HG, so asked to work from home for the first trimester. My boss wasn’t superkeen, but asked me to provide a written GP recommendation for a reasonable adjustment, which got filed with HR and no one pestered me to come in afterwards.
Pregnancy is very legally protected, so read up on your rights and prioritise your physical and mental wellbeing.

Your boss is probably feeling inconvenienced by your pregnancy, and thinks you won’t return after the mat leave. Ignore him, he’s a selfish man.

They're getting your replacement in so early with the intention of them getting up to speed before you go, and in case you need to finish early. It's quite sensible really. Don't take that as a slight - a long handover is a compliment really as it means they know there's a lot to pick up.

You'll be surprised how much shit rolls downhill. They may well have to get involved in your work if your replacement doesn't manage well.

I know what you mean. Quite early in my pregnancy I took 3 days off because I just needed to recharge. Your mental health is as important as your physical health. Don't take the piss but don't force yourself if you can't manage.

Don't worry about the long days because your replacement can cover them starting next week!

My dog is my first baby too but we both know you're taking the mick with that one

@7Worfs I guess they can't argue when it's the GP who has recommended it... maybe I should contact my GP about this and see what they think?

I think I need to do that. I'm really sort of worried that my 'replacement' is starting on 9th Dec as well, it seems so soon considering I don't plan to leave until 1st week in February. I feel I'm being quickly shoved out the door but the maternity pay here is so bad I don't want to go before I feel ready almost.

I think that's true, he maybe does reckon I won't return but I definitely intend to!

@GiveHerHellFromUs I get that, but felt like 4-6 weeks was enough as I don't feel like I have enough to do right now myself never mind have someone sitting with me full time for that length of time, if that makes sense.

I guess, but they have no access and have never done any of the things I have to do before, it's all very P&C the stuff he deals with and they are not very trustworthy, gossipy and he doesn't rate them or get on with either of them, the feelings are mutual as they speak about him in front of me.

Yeah, around the 7 week mark I had a few days off here and there, maybe like 4 but it was more I came in and then had to leave due to feeling really unwell. Then from around 12-20 weeks I've been at work every day never had a day unwell. But now it's just all coming downhill I feel.

Well, that's true. But I read her interview notes and she has university in the evenings from 17:45-21:00 so therefore, can she really cover any long days?

Lol, I wish I was! He was up 6 times in one night pooping blood due to an injection the vets gave him for the pain relief. Think he jerked his back as for 3 days he wouldn't jump, walk or move. Have to use a syringe to even get him to drink!