To think I've done/said something wrong?

[Jarimbert]

I feel like I've been sidelined by my family. To be more accurate, my father's side of the family. One of his sisters and her children and grandchildren live quite a distance away and finances mean I'm only able to travel down to visit once a year, but I still kept in touch by phone and send cards for birthdays and Christmas. I also visit his other sister and her children and grandchildren weekly as they live closer. Neither of them or their children visit me, despite me saying they are welcome to visit at anytime.
Recently, I've noticed that they don't see me as part of their family. My aunt who lives a distance away, came up to visit with her children and grandchildren and, unknown to me, they went out for a birthday meal with my other aunt and her children and grandchildren. A photo was posted on, fb saying the "whole clan together for once."
I can only think that, on one of my visits I've either said or done something wrong. Would it be so unreasonable to think I must be at fault for this?

Is your father still alive?

I don't think it's unusual that your two aunts will have a closer relationship, and not necessarily see you as being in that same dynamic. I think it's probably quite usual not to visit aunts weekly, it's not like it's a parent. It just seems like you have a different idea of how the relationship should be, to host they think it should. I don't think anyone is in the wrong.

@Nextphonewontbesamsung my father passed away last year.

I don't think you are at fault. Maybe consider inviting them for something specific, on a particular day, rather than "any time"?

It sounds very hurtful to you and I think they have been a little thoughtless. Would it be worth telling your aunt that this upset you?

I agree a weekly visit is a lot.

Do you have any other family members?

I am sorry they aren’t as close to you as you would like. But it does sound like your expectations are too high for what they are willing to give.

We have a family member who wants more from us than we can give. He is a distant relation, and we include him in large family gatherings but don’t keep in touch beyond that. He is very bitter that we aren’t closer, but to be honest We just don’t have much in common and our lives are very busy. If he really needed us we would be there, but we can’t commit to weekly visits etc. He is a second cousin of my mothers.

@Dollymixture22 I see my mother's side of the family more often as they live much nearer than my dad's side.
It isn't so much that I didn't know about the birthday meal, but the fact that the photo of them stated it was their "clan" that has upset me. By that, it feels like they are saying I'm not family. I've missed the odd week visiting before due to illness (phoned to say I wouldn't be visiting beforehand), and had a phonecall a couple of days later to see if I would be well enough to visit the following week as I was missed.

If it’s only the clan comment that has upset you then I would let it go - careless drafting.

But it does sound like you do all the running and visiting. When you were ill did they check in on you? Offer to visit?

Do you live alone?

I wouldn't take it personally as they probably mean "clan" as in sisters and their dc/dgc rather than other extended family of which you are included.

Just enjoy the times that you do spend with them and if they've phoned you to say you've been missed when you couldn't see them then believe them, they love you and would probably hate to think they've upset you.