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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lying dd

17 replies

Lyingdd · 01/12/2019 18:43

Please tell me how to deal with this.
My dd Is 16 at work at the moment and want to know how to confront her on another lie I have found out from a friend of hers.
The 2 girls where hanging out I'll n town during summer and where supposed to be seeing 2 boys that where friends.
I met her friend today and asked her why my dd and the boy broke up and she said she never heard off this boy . I was so embarrassed I said ah it must be someone else.
This is the 2nd time she has lied about who she has been dating. She knows I don't disapprove off whoever she wants to see and she has been out with people from different cultures and I accept everyones choice. I just can't understand why she has to lie This has been going on since August.
Never see him photoshoped photos.
She is with a different boy now but I don't know if he is real either or just in her imagination.
How do I tell her I know she was lying her friend was looking for a bag returned so I cant keep her out of it. I asked the friend if they fell out and she said no she is just busy with her new job.

OP posts:

MyNewBearTotoro · 01/12/2019 18:47

Why do you think she is lying to you? Do you think she was dating a different boy she wants to hide from you or do you think she’s single but feels for some reason she ‘should’ have a boyfriend and so is making one up?

Thingsdogetbetter · 01/12/2019 18:53

Could she be dating girls, but not ready to come out?

Original poster

Lyingdd · 01/12/2019 19:24

I really dont know the answer to the above

My dh collected her last night at 9pm and dd2 was with him and she said she was with a boy.
I told her in the past I have no problem with her been gay. I just need to know who she is with for safety reasons.
This is the second time she has lied about boys she was seeing and with a different boy does It make it more exciting to her me not knowing.
She never posts any photos with bfs on social media just says it's not her to post up photos but she knows I look so that probably why.
I probably ask too many questions that is why she hides the truth.
She says I ruin her happiness wanting to see the person she is meeting.
I don't care who she meets as long as it's the truth.
I gave out to her last night for letting her phone run out of charge and changing plans so I don't want another argument.

OP posts:

RedPanda2 · 01/12/2019 19:28

I thought most teenagers lied to their parents??

Original poster

Lyingdd · 01/12/2019 19:41

@redpanda I have no experience that's why I'm asking for advice
I think truth is better for safety.

OP posts:

Armadillostoes · 01/12/2019 19:55

OP-It sounds like she is lying because she feels that you are controlling and asking too many questions. Maybe you should back off a bit, let her decide what to tell you and when.

Also, the comment about having had no problems with her dating people from other cultures is strange. For most people that would be a given, why might she have expected a negative reaction to that?

Original poster

Lyingdd · 01/12/2019 20:01

I'm looking advice on what to say not criticism on what I said. I just didn't want to waste posters time saying maybe its someone from a different culture.
@arm please don't be starting an argument on my thread start your own if you want to argue with someone.

OP posts:

Brimful · 01/12/2019 20:05

I agree with @Armadillostoes - back off and let her come to you with what she's happy for you to know.

Original poster

Lyingdd · 01/12/2019 20:14

So just let my dd go out and not know who she with is that really the best advice.

OP posts:

Armadillostoes · 01/12/2019 20:15

OP I don't understand why on Earth you are getting at? I suggested that you give your DD a bit of space and asked whether she had experienced anything which might make her fear disapproval for dating someone from a different culture.

Quite frankly if you are as paranoid and aggressive as this in real life it is pretty obvious why you DD would lie to you!

slashlover · 01/12/2019 20:22

She's 16, if you've never met the boy anyway then why would safety be affected?

I probably ask too many questions that is why she hides the truth.

You're going to push her away.

MyNewBearTotoro · 01/12/2019 20:23

To be honest at 16 I think you do need to step back and accept you can’t manage every friendship and know exactly who she is with all of the times. My parents definitely didn’t know all of my friends at that age.

I think it’s reasonable to know where she’s going and whether she’s going on her own, with one friend or a group but I don’t think you can expect to know lots of details for every single friend.

Considering she’s lying to you about who she is with anyway I think to step back and try and stay out of things and give the space for her to come to you is good advice.

churchandstate · 01/12/2019 20:26

How to deal with this: back the hell off. She’s not going to tell you the truth until she trusts you.

wishingforapositiveyear · 01/12/2019 20:31

She might just be a private person and not want to share details of her love life with her Mum!

gobbynorthernbird · 01/12/2019 20:36

Did it cross your mind that the friend might be lying, rather than your DD?

RedskyToNight · 01/12/2019 20:36

I think you need to think about what you want to know and why you want to know it. Knowing where she is and what time she will be home (and potentially how she will get home) is reasonable from a safety point of view. Knowing all the ins and outs of exactly who she is with is not necessary - she's lying because she doesn't want to tell you. Respect that.

GreenTulips · 01/12/2019 20:40

I would never ask DDs friends anything like you asked! That’s really odd.

We stick to mutual subjects and I don’t get involved in friendships or boys or even girls

Let her lead her own life

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