Has anyone overcome PTSD from sex?

[MonstranceClock]

I have new sexual partner, who has quite bad ptsd from an aggressive relationship where the ex gf was very aggressive sexually. They have now found themselves unable to perform sexually as the anxiety gets so bad.
I’m not sure what I can do to help? We agreed that maybe not building it up during the week with sex talk may help, but at the same time I want partner to feel desired, and not to feel like I’m not interested.
Aibu to ask if there’s any techniques anyone has used to overcome something like this? And if there’s anything I can do help, or anything I might be doing that’s not helping!

Considering this is early days I wouldn’t take too much of this on yourself to change/help with.

I didn’t know this was a “thing”; it sounds a bit wishy-washy from an outsiders perspective (mine at least) and in my view I’m not sure if genuine PTSD would be caused by consensual sex (even if one party was more domineering).

I think that any performance issues could be wholly independent of this as it sounds like a convenient excuse (and puts impetus on you to be accommodating and to some extent help/be blamed if the context you create is not conducive to box-ticking the sensitively framed whims he requires - if you get too excited would he subsequently categorise you as “aggressive” and shut down? Will you ever even be able to relax??).

Do you really want to be treading on eggshells at such an early stage (or at all)? Or being the one trying to pry a partner out of his sexual shell? Or trying to soothe the wounds “caused” by his ex?

If he has psychological problems caused by sex in a previous relationship I think that this is something he needs to address and make peace with BEFORE starting a new relationship and it’s unfair for you to be assigned “Chief Coaxer”. It’s not hugely attractive is it?

Are you sure it's not just a cover story for him being unable to sustain an election?
Sounds like a perfect excuse tbh

Erection
Obviously

@MarilynMorose, if he was in an aggressive relationship where the sex is aggressive then it’s likely the sex wasn’t fully consensual and there were events of coercion or where during the sex things were done which weren’t consented to.

I had a relationship in my early 20s where on paper all sex was consensual, but actually he would make me feel guilty for saying no usually I was consenting just to keep the peace even though I was thinking no in my head. He would often do things he knew I didn’t like during sex, often I’d be in tears during sex and he would just ignore that and carry on. But I never said no or stop and had consented, even if it was following coercion, so in his mind it was fully consensual, but it didn’t really feel that way to me. I ended up very badly effected by it to the point I couldn’t bare anybody to touch me and after we broke up it was several years before I could get into another relationship. I can see how somebody could get PTSD from that kind of relationship even if to an outsider it looked like the sex was always consensual.

Of course it’s a thing, how many posts do we see from women who have suffered from abusive relationships? Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean he’s “wishy washy” or “unattractive”.

@CrazyKittenSmile that sounds similar. His ex would be physically violent if he didn’t have sex with her exactly the way she wanted it.
Everything starts of great, but he gets so worried about me not being happy with what he’s doing that he has a panic attack and has to stop.

Has he had any therapy relating to this? Unfortunately PTSD isn’t generally something which will just go away and get better on its own or that he can power through.

I think he needs to go to his GP and explain he’s having panic attacks and suspects the root is sexual trauma. Medication for the anxiety may help but ideally he needs to access some talking therapy to help him process and work through this.l, otherwise the road is likely to be more long and difficult than it needs to be for either of you.

This isn't your problem to fix. If he's so badly affected that he has panic attacks when you're being intimate then he is not ready for a relationship and needs to get professional treatment. This isn't the kind of thing you can just muddle through.

He's not ready to be intimate with anyone and may never be. Has he had or is he getting any help? It may be that you can accept a sex less relationship for now (or maybe forever) while he works through his issues. Or this may be a deal breaker. But don't put pressure on him. He sounds very unwell.

It’s not completely sexless, sometimes he’s ok. Forplay is fine, it’s just intercourse but not every time.