Boyfriend talking about woman at his work

[Caramel78]

Dp and I live together and share an iPad which we both use for Facebook. I went onto mine earlier and realised it was his as he hadn’t logged out. There was a message open to his work colleague from my DP saying “I could look at her ass all day”. The colleague wrote back saying “hahaha” and my DP replied with “she’s so hot”.
I’ve read the rest of the thread and that’s the only mention of stuff like that.
I queried it with him and was pissed off. He eventually admitted it was the accountant at his work who they all have “office banter” together about her being good looking.
I’m quite surprised as my DP is the quiet nerdy type who I thought was a bit more respectful.
Should I just let it go as “office banter”?
I’m feeling very grumpy with him but part of me knows most of us can say silly things to fit in.
Would you be pissed off about this or just let it go? Thanks

And women never do this? I can recall some conversations with other women and heard some among the men.

I’d be upset and a bit annoyed at him, but I can’t say I have never, ever said anything in that vein. And I am happily married.

It shows you how much respect he has for women; none

I have heard plenty of men and women comment on other people in this way. One if the most used phrase by women I hear is he is gorgeous I so would. In reality they wouldn't because they are happily married or in relationships but it doesnt stop the looking or commenting. We have a couple of gay people where I work and they usually join in with the banter its not uncommon to find a male and female discussing the attributes of someone the both find attractive.

Grim, and he’s an idiot to put in in writing too. Sounds a total creep, especially when he’s in a relationship.

@caperberries or maybe your DH told you that because he didn't like the attention you were giving them/they were giving you?

I'd be upset. Messaging someone about it is more than banter to fit in to me.

I'd be pissed off. I know that both men and women can make objectifying comments, but he's stupid to put it in writing (creating evidence.)

If it were me, they would be on the receiving end of my opinions about men's role in improving the culture in the workplace and making it a better place for women to work. I am in a male dominated workplace - by default, the men make the culture, just by being in the majority. He would know that if such a conversation were ever to come up again, I would expect him to be calling other men out on it, not to be the one initiating and continuing the "banter".

But then, anyone I was with would probably already be aware of this, as I have spoken in public about the challenges to women working in tech, as well as talking within the company, so at the very least, I would expect him to have the sense not to leave an evidence trail.

It does matter, and you are right to be fed up with it.

Why do so many people feel the need to point out ‘women also do this’?

It doesn't matter if women also do this. Anyone doing this should be pulled up it. Equality in the workplace shouldn't be in terms of the lowest common denominator. We should be aiming for equality in terms of an expectation to work in a respectful culture.