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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be mythed at this twattish decision making?

24 replies

Poutytrout · 01/12/2019 11:36

Background: We live about 4 hours from London. DH travelled outside the country to fulfill some family commitments. He was away for 2.5 weeks although the commitment itself was a one day affair. It was a 7 ish hour fight each way and he wanted to support his immediate family after the 'event'. That's all cool and fair.
He come back from this trip, kids are desperate to see their dad, I am desperate to see him too. We have all missed him. This is unusual for our family. My hats off to Services family on how they do this all the time. 👏👏
So he has now returned to the country 3 days ago but has decided to stay an extra 3 days because there is a prayer meeting he will like to attend. This was not discussed with me, he told me that was what he was doing.
DD wants her dad - not a big deal; if she has waited for all this time, she can wait for a few extra days I suppose.
But I am still very annoyed that he will think that is an okay thing to do. I believe one can pray anywhere so location isn't important.
Also I was told the meeting finished last night around 6 pm so he could have got on the trains and got home at 11ish. Or failing that, get on first train back this morning which meant he could spend half a day with the family before a hectic week begins. He leaves London later this afternoon. We are both very busy people with full time jobs because we need the cash. This makes every weekend golden.
I am very annoyed that he thought this was an okay thing to do but then I am also thinking AIBU in thinking extending your 'holiday' by 3 extra days when you have a young family is not on?
As a mum, that choice will not even be contemplated?
I have gone a short weekends away etc but always do the barest minimum days away etc but if I was away for 2 weeks and I had the choice to get home, I would get home ASAP.

OP posts:

fascinated · 01/12/2019 11:38

I agree. Poor you.

Binglebong · 01/12/2019 12:09

Agreed, that's pretty shit. Have a chat with him this evening, after the kids are in bed. Tell him the impact this has had, that you've not been able to do anything without kids in three weeks, that you've had all the responsibility, that he is missed. That it makes his family feel second best. And that something like that needs to be discussed, not unilaterally decided.

Good luck.

Original poster

Poutytrout · 01/12/2019 12:25

Thank you Bingle. I just needed to know I was not being unreasonable at being cheesed off. Thank you.

OP posts:

MitziK · 01/12/2019 12:42

Are we talking about a wedding (if, so, a happy occasion, YANBU) or a funeral (if so, maybe the prayers are very important to him, YABslightlyU)?

Jaxhog · 01/12/2019 12:58

YANBU at all. What if YOU had had a other plans? Very selfish.

bridgetreilly · 01/12/2019 12:58

Mythed?

Original poster

Poutytrout · 01/12/2019 13:02

Thank you Mitzik. I am in agreement with prayer being important for him though no matter the situation. Its such a personal thing but also sure it can be said anywhere. He's goes for a prayer meeting every Tuesday morning at 6 am and church every Sunday. And meets with his mates once a fortnight. Wakes up at 5am every day to pray too. I never wake up with a DH by my side. Happy for the prayers. I don't even complain about it.
Would you think the location of the prayers is relevant?

OP posts:

Theimpossiblegirl · 01/12/2019 13:03

@bridgetreilly
Helpful much?

bridgetreilly · 01/12/2019 13:07

@Theimpossiblegirl
Genuinely no idea what OP was trying to say.

Icecreamsoda99 · 01/12/2019 13:09

I take it your don't go to church with him? If you do I'd be having a word with the priest to ask for advice, he should be putting his family first and a good priest should be able to point this out to him.

BuffaloCauliflower · 01/12/2019 13:14

@bridgetreilly she means miffed

Spitsandspots · 01/12/2019 13:14

Mythed. a true and genuine loss of words and or understanding about an action, place, event or even a name. 'mythed' is a kin to baffled, baffed and snookered

bridgetreilly

DisplayPurposesOnly · 01/12/2019 13:23

Interesting selective quoting there, @spitsandspots. Are you in politics?

The quote goes onto say "... mythed should be added to the oxford dictionary because its sooo necessary".

definithing.com/mythed/

HollowTalk · 01/12/2019 13:26

I think he can pray as much as he likes, but if he's praying at times that makes other people unhappy, then his prayers are null and void.

He sounds very selfish to me.

dubmumof2 · 01/12/2019 13:37

Even if you don't wish to bring the prayer service into it - the first question for me would be why was he not coming home immediately afterwards instead of delaying until this afternoon? That on its own is odd in the circumstances?

MitziK · 01/12/2019 13:39

Why might the location be important? Maybe it's a particular Church, a particular speaker/preacher, a number of people he knows well/other relatives/speakers of his native tongue if English isn't his first language?

Maybe he has questions about his faith since the event that are serious enough that he wanted to question/explore away from his Home Church in case he would be met with righteous anger and potential ostracism if he raised them at his normal meetings?

If you were prepared to say his home country and what denomination/flavour of Christianity is involved, I might be able to hazard a more specific guess (or know it's way out of my knowledge base), but those are the most obvious reasons I can think of.

timeisnotaline · 01/12/2019 13:43

Whatever the reasons , even if they are important, it’s not ok for him to make this decision for his family without acknowledging this is what he’s done.

Original poster

Poutytrout · 01/12/2019 13:52

Thank you everyone. I am reading all comments and grateful for them. I am less emotional now so hopefully by the time he gets home, I can have a sensible grown up conversation rather than what was going to be an angry outburst.

OP posts:

thenightsky · 01/12/2019 13:53

Three whole days just to say prayers?

AcrossthePond55 · 01/12/2019 14:17

I wouldn't have minded if the 3 days had been on the agenda from the start. Faith & fellowship is very important and if my DH wanted to take part of an event I'd be fine with it. Especially if he was just coming back from a stressful or distressing family situation.

But having it sprung on me at the last minute when I was expecting him home would irk me. And if by chance he didn't know about it ahead of time, having him tell me he's staying rather than discussing it with me to see if I had plans or needed him home sooner wouldn't make me very happy.

dreichXmas · 01/12/2019 14:27

I wouldn't be very impressed by any faith that included leaving your partner to parent alone for long periods so you could focus on fellowship.

Maybe you should develop a similar faith OP?

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 01/12/2019 14:28

I've never heard it as 'mythed' before. I thought it was an error!

Every days a school day.

SeditionSue · 01/12/2019 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 01/12/2019 16:57

Oh, I'd didnt realise it was from the urban dictionary 😂😂😂

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