Change of Venue AIBU ?

[RockinHippy]

Opinions please if IABU for being peed off over the following & think DH should stand his ground on it as well as me?

Friend arranged a Xmas get together in London. Set up group & invited us all to comment on potential areas to meet in as everyone is scattered & not all of us are in London, we aren't. Central area with excellent train connections & cheaper hotels if needed.

A week before the get together friend decides to change venue to right on their doorstep in a far harder to access part of town, think 1 in 3 trains stopping at the station, no underground etc. Citing that they think first venue might be too busy & too young. Also ruled out another venue closer to their home, not great access, but better than the place they've now moved it too. Also apparently also too busy. There are many other pub choices that haven't even been considered, they've just gone fir what is basically their local pub. Thankfully we haven't already booked a hotel as intended in the first area. Hotels in new area are surprisingly expensive & just not affordable

I've let it be known that I'm disappointed as I'd intended to go to the first venue, but new venue is just too much extra faff for me & it's steps agogo, plus dark unlit walk & I'm disabled which I haven't reminded her of as I shouldn't bloody have too cue trying to convince me it's fine, which I've just politely insisted that it isn't & I know both station & new pub well, which I do as I lived near there for years. Other suggestions rejected as "probably too busy"

So I'm not now going. DH is still expected to go, which wouldn't normally bother me, but given the circumstances I don't think he should go as this isn't the first time this sort of thing as happened & I think he needs to make a stand too, rather than just moaning at me that he peed off at the change too & saying nothing as he doesn't like to stand up to this friend as they will likely make a big deal out of it. My opinion on that is, she does this because she gets away with it & therefore needs calling out on it & news his chance as I've set the ball rolling.

AIBU to think he shouldn't go either ??

Tbh I would mention the disability. They have chosen to exclude you by moving from an accessible venue to a non-accessible venue. Twats.

I'd see if the rest of the group are up for keeping it where it was and the person that's moved it can come or not.

But yeah, your DH shouldn't be going without you, if it's down to accessibility issues. He should advocate for you and have your back.

Mention your disability. That might give others the courage to side with you.

Thanks fir the replies everyone, to try & answer a few questions

Is she known to be selfish.... I'd have previously said thoughtless, rather than selfish, usually in the typical, we have kids, they don't type of way, so they'd see nothing wrong with ringing us from a train at nearly midnight to say they are on their way to visit us for an impromptu weekend & tell us to wait up. They then arrive at 3.30 am, having had a spin around town first, are half cut with a complete stranger to us in tow who they also expected us to put up, just no understanding fir the fact that when you have kids, strangers dissing on your sofa isn't on. But yes, she/they do have form, but bar this incident where we were put o the spot, I've no problem speaking up & putting her straightener, which she isn't used to, but takes in good spirit & according to DH respects me more for it.

Why didn't I organise it... bar the date with she picked, it was pretty much an open discussion on where, time etc. I actually suggested the area as I know it has excellent train links for everyone invited, so it made sense, several others agreed, including her. I couldn't suggest a venue as I'm pretty out of touch with which bars are suitable these days as they can change. So she came back with a venue.

Why don't I just remind them I'm disabled- because I shouldn't have to, it's common knowledge that I had to give up my career because of it & DDs disability & she knows I have an additional neck injury atm, which adds to difficulty getting around on my own or at all if too far/too many steps etc etc. Besides, people don't want to hear. You'd be surprised at how many of us get accused of moaning & giving into illness if we do speak up & remind people & I hate attention fir it anyway.

I think DH is thinking better of going now without my saying too much other than I'm disappointed & feel they have been selfish in where they've moved the venue to. We had intended to make a weekend of it, stay in hotel & go meet another group of friends for a Sunday roast the next day, but right across town. It's probably easier to get from home to that venue, than it is from friends house/area & I just nit confident travelling that far on my own right now, so will have to miss both if DH does go on his own.

DH will probably be offered her sofa, they do have a spare room which hasn't been offered, but I'm nit sure if they have a lodger or have already offered it to other friends. She'll be on the phone hassling him to go though, she's already done that within seconds of making the Facebook group, so he's going to have to stand his ground, which he's a bit crap at, at times

Typos agogo, apologies

I live on the outskirts of London. Many of my friends live on the other side (about 1.5 hours journey, if overground train times are worked out in advance as only 2 per hour & everything running smoothly). If I agree to meet friends in CENTRAL london I do get pissed off if it suddenly becomes 'a nice little place' near them. I can get to central in about an hour which is the maximum journey I want to be doing. And with 2 or 3 train changes I feel that's enough. Going to them in S.london adds time and faff. I see your point and YANBU and DH shouldn't feel her has to attend. They've changed the plans and its not convenient at all.

ringing us from a train at nearly midnight to say they are on their way to visit us for an impromptu weekend & tell us to wait up. They then arrive at 3.30 am, having had a spin around town first, are half cut with a complete stranger to us in tow

I would have told them to get to fuck. Cheeky bastards.

The best course of action is to present a united front with your dh and say apologies but the change in venue is a step too far at this time of year with so much else going on, and see them next time.

I actually think he shouldn't go. If she is being disablist in dismissing your concerns then it kind of makes your concerns look insignificant if he ignores them and goes anyway (if that makes sense, I'm not expressing myself very well).

If it was some other kind of discrimination eg going somewhere that was hostile to black or gay people or something and OP was black or bi or whatever then I think people would be saying the OPs partner should make clear their choice is not acceptable and stay at home

I also think it is bad form if your dh goes. Regardless of your disability (which should have been taken into account) the fact that they moved it to a venue local to them is sooo selfish. London is a massive city and if people are coming from different areas central is usually the fair way to go.