I feel like I'm letting him down

[NewYoiker]

Aibu? DH wants to go for a 10-15 mile walk for his birthday with some friends from work. Not my choice of birthday activity but fine!

Now I have Crohns and I'm struggling with not shitting myself in my house, and also the fatigue is debilitating. So I'm worried about this because I don't think I can manage 10 miles!

Basically I'm worried about having shit in the wild in front or near his friends from work many many many times on this walk, and it taking me about 6 hours to do the walk.. plus I'm really worried that if I just push myself and force myself to do it my whole body will hurt for weeks and Christmas could be a write off.

I do want to do some exercise though so

AIBU and selfish to say 'go have fun with your friends. I'll go for a small run (5/6k) on a loop round our house that passes our house every 20 mins so I should be ok to use our loo! Then I'll get a train and meet you in the pub?'

Plus I have an ng tube at the moment and when I'm out of breath it makes me retch so i feel nervous about people my husband works with seeing me retch!

YANBU! I'm sure any supportive partner would completely understand and not want you to end up in pain and discomfort.

I don't think it's selfish at all. You have sound reasons for not taking part.

Would your DH make you feel guilty for not doing it? Does he push you to do more than you should be?

You are absolutely not being unreasonable! Do what you can, don't make yourself more ill, and don't feel guilty for having a chronic illness.

@Ponoka7 no he's not pushing me to do too much. I don't think he understands how a chronic illness does affect you but then neither did I until I had one!

He's got to start understanding it, if he wants to include you in his activities.

You're not letting him down. This is how life is for you, at the moment and adjustments have to be made.

Do you want to go on a run OP? Only do the exercise you and your body feel comfortable doing.
If you cannot do it comfortably then don't. Wave him off and meet up at the end,
Why are you thinking of putting yourself through this?

@dreichXmas I do actually want to go for a run, it clears my head nicely (and my bowels too apparently) but maybe I'll just have a bath and relax. I just feel bad I'm not able to do his birthday activity but if he wanted to he could change it. He just doesn't want to so I'll meet them in the pub :)

Don’t worry about it, just meet them in the pub. Look at it this way- if you go, your DH will have to worry about you. If you don’t, he can just relax and enjoy the walk. You are doing him a favour by not going.

Good grief no you should not be doing this

I can't believe you think you are remotely being unreasonable. Of course you're not.

There's no way you should consider with your medical condition.

Let him go with his friends. You and him can so something else to celebrate if he wants to.

Health comes first.