AIBU?
Unsure, AIBU?
NCforme · 01/12/2019 02:12
(NC for this)
This is one of those times where I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not!
Husband and I (parents of a young DC) are going through a period of trying to re-stabilise our relationship after a bout of depression and related stresses, and us discussing possibly ending the relationship, though we’ve made the decision to stick with it as it’s still what we both want if we can work through what we need to.
For various reasons, we’re also currently living mostly separately (DC with me) for a temporary period but with no exact end date in sight yet. He stays with us when my sister who we’re staying with is working away, normally a few nights a week.
He has gone out on work Christmas party tonight and was due to be staying with us for next few days. Doesn’t have a key yet so I received a call around 11pm to say party starting to wrap up so should be back soon if that’s still okay as he would still like to stay with us. I said I was up watching a film anyway so that would be fine.
Haven’t heard a thing since. Now I know it’s easy to lose track of time, etc etc, but given the situation we’re currently in, I can’t help but be a bit pissed off. Especially as I’ve received no further contact to say party is still going or any other explanation.
We live in the centre of town, so around a 10 minute walk from party venue, but where he’s currently staying is further away, if that’s relevant. Not sure if he has his key with him.
I know I’m well within my rights to just fuck it and go to bed, but would rather not have to without knowing what time he’s going to turn up and if he’ll knock me awake or will have phone battery to call.
Do I just chalk it up to getting carried away with the merriment/losing track of time and leave him to it, or am I right to be a bit annoyed?
DonKeyshot · 01/12/2019 02:36
I would hazard a guess that as the party wound down some bright spark suggested going elsewhere to have 'one for the road' which, for the weak-willed, can so easily turn into considerably more than one.
After telling you that he'd be 'back soon' I'd be miffed at the absence of any further communication from him, but I would have gone to bed by 1am and let him take his chances as to whether he could rouse me if he fetched up later.
I suggest you call it a night, OP, and leave the question of whether he can rouse you in the lap of the gods.
NCforme · 01/12/2019 02:42
Thanks guys, glad I’m not just being overly grouchy!
Thanks, Muted. He does have form for getting carried away unfortunately, possibly why I’m so irritated on this occasion given the surrounding issues as well.
I did debate leaving a key outside but there’s just nowhere I’d feel safe to do so. And no idea if his phone is alive to tell him I have!
You’re right Don, I probably should’ve gone to bed already! I’m aware I’m quite possibly too considerate of others to the detriment of myself sometimes, something I’m trying but struggling to work on!
DonKeyshot · 01/12/2019 02:47
You're definitely NOT a 'terrible wife', OP.
It seem as if he's acting well within his character, but even if he was acting out of it I wouldn't be rushing to call his friends, hospitals, police etc as the most likely explanation is he's got carried away with festive good cheer and alcohol induced camaraderie in the company of his colleagues.
NCforme · 01/12/2019 02:59
7salmon You might be right, I can certainly see how this will look to others. What would you have done in my situation? Not allow him to stay in the first place with it being the night of the party, tell him when he called that coming here wasn’t an option past a certain time? This is where I struggle with knowing whether I’m being too nice initially or I’m just being considerate and it’s then a case of leavingir down to him to return that consideration or not.
Thanks, Don, I certainly won’t be! I know it will sound like a justification of his behaviour (though it definitely isn’t!) but I do think he has all good intentions and genuinely does just lose all sense of time. I’ve known him to call me twice with a good number of hours in between and think it’s been an hour. But I suppose I feel he should have made more effort this time.
DonKeyshot · 01/12/2019 03:00
Being considerate to, and of, others is a positive quality that I wish more people possessed, but when that consideration is extended to the detriment of your own needs it becomes a mug's game, OP.
He could be partying till dawn or passed out on someone's sofa while you're missing out on your beauty sleep, in which case where's his consideration for you?
NCforme · 01/12/2019 03:06
I think you’ve probably hit the nail on the head there, Don! I often struggle to know where the line is between just being considerate of others and caring for them in the way I wish to be cared for, and making a fool of myself.
And I think that’s exactly why I’m annoyed, I’m sat here doing this and debating what to do, whilst he hasn’t even remembered to update me on what he’s doing, and I’m also arguing with myself over whether he’s plain and simply being a dick, or I’m being too harsh and need to just let it go as one of the hazards of Christmas parties!
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