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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to swapping gifts this year?..

19 replies

loreleigilmore28 · 30/11/2019 23:36

So I'm 9 months pregnant, due next week, and started mat leave (and so mat pay) two weeks ago. In a crappy bit of timing, DH lost his job a month ago and is doing some low paid temp work on a zero hours contract. We are managing, and I'm sure he'll find something better soon... but we are having to tighten our belts for the next few months which is fine... its just meant we've cut back a lot...

Anyway I have two close friends who both have two children under 5 (I have a 4 year old too). We usually buy gifts for each others kids. I've messaged them both separately to say would they mind if we skipped swapping presents this year as money is a concern for us. I thought about this before I said something, they both have really large families and the kids will definitely NOT be short of gifts this year...

Anyway it's gone down like a lead balloon and both seem miffed by it. AIBU? I do think I'd understand if they said it to me...

OP posts:
SometimesMaybe · 30/11/2019 23:38

What have they said to make you think that? If you were my friend, in your current situation I would be angry if you gave me anything’

Original poster
loreleigilmore28 · 30/11/2019 23:48

Friend 1 said about how she'd done her xmas shopping weeks ago (i.e. 'I've already got your daughter something') and Friend 2 referred to the fact we're going away in January, something which was bought and paid for before the current situation.
I suppose I'm just disappointed, I'm not moaning for looking for sympathy from them because like I said, I'm sure it won't be for long... I just wanted them to be okay with this

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 30/11/2019 23:52

Friend 1 is not a real friend is she is annoyed she's bought a gift for your child and won't receive one back. You don't give to receive. I've already bought for my friend's son. If she told me now she couldn't afford to buy for mine, I'd be telling her to save her money for something more important.

I'm on maternity leave/pay now and she'd do the same for me.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/11/2019 23:53

Given the circs, they're being really unreasonable. Do you do birthday presents? Can you suggest F1 keeps it for her birthday and obviosiyl the point to F2 Is it's all paid for so pointless cancelling now!

Cherrysoup · 30/11/2019 23:55

Ask Friend 1 to keep/re-gift the thing she’s already bought. I’d message them again and just tell them you’re broke. If they’re decent friends, then they should definitely understand.

Purpletigers · 30/11/2019 23:56

Good friends would understand .

JingsMahBucket · 01/12/2019 00:20

Are they fully aware of how stretched you are?

LissJas · 01/12/2019 11:48

That's awful of them. So grabby! If my friend approached me like you did to them I would feel incredibly grateful that they felt they could be that open with me, I'd say of course, no problem about the presents and ask if there's anything I can do to make the situation easier.

TheRightHonerable · 01/12/2019 11:55

Generally I’d say it’s a bit short notice to put gift requests/preferences in after mid November. I finished my gift shopping a couple of weeks ago and I think I’m busy households who are cost conscious December is avoided like the plague as prices are often much higher.

However, given your circumstances and DH losing his job I’d 100% understand if I were your friend ❤️ You didn’t expect this after all.

It’s only family members who suddenly announce they’re now vegan or only want vouchers for X shop on 1st December who irritate me 😬

Confusedbeetle · 01/12/2019 11:59

They will get over it

LolaSmiles · 01/12/2019 12:06

Whilst I generally think present requests/ arrangements should be sorted before mid November (because some people are bizarrely organised and efficient), in your situation I think your friends are being a bit childish over your situation.

Drum2018 · 01/12/2019 12:13

Regardless of whether they give your kids something just tell them you are not in a position to reciprocate this year. Tough shit if they are miffed. And make no apologies for it. They now know you won't be buying their kids anything so it's up to them if they want to give something to your kids or not.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/12/2019 12:15

It’s a shame you’ve brought it up so late, but they’re mean not to shrug it off.

Icecreamsoda99 · 01/12/2019 12:21

Friend 1 can return the gift and buy something extra for her children if they are going to miss out on the gifts from you, Friend 2 is an arse for throwing your holiday in your face! Neither are supportive in the slightest but I would just leave it and not say anything else.

Kokeshi123 · 01/12/2019 12:21

I understand that super organized people may get their shopping done really early, but can they not give the gift to someone else? She is BU.

Chloemol · 01/12/2019 12:30

You don’t buy gifts to get gifts back. Friend 1 should have just said ok, then either given the present anyway, or used it at another time, or taken it back. Friend 2 is an idiot, she should know everything already been paid for

Seems you have a choice, text them back and say sorry they can’t be more supportive, oor go to pound,and, but a bar of choc, or plastic tat, wrap it and give that to the kids.

Youseethethingis · 01/12/2019 12:45

OP If I was one of your friends, I’d be embarrassed that you even felt you had to say this. What a pair of grasping, selfish, hard hearted idiots they are!

User342109097569098 · 01/12/2019 12:57

So weird that they have not been nice about it! How good friends are they really?

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