Or am I going mad?

[DeadDoorpost]

(Note: I do have PND which does cloud my judgement sometimes, and some distrust of DM anyway)

DM got invited over by me to helpnouy at home today as I've not been very well, DH was meant to be doing something for a job and DS had his birthday on Thursday and she didn't see much of him due to work commitments.

All fine. Not a problem.

But I was in the kitchen sorting some late lunch out for myself as I'd been asleep from 11-3 and I came out to the living room to find DS2 trying to feed DD 10 weeks a yogurt.

Now, I've got no evidence that DM told him to do it, but DS has never shown an interest in feeding DD anything, and I couldn't see any yogurt in DD's mouth, but I've told DM we're not feeding her until she's 6 months as the HV suggests, and she's been quite vocal about being sad and how back when I was younger it was perfectly fine to do so at 3 months.

So AIBU to be annoyed at her, or am I misreading everything because my judgement is clouded? Either way, I really don't feel like I can leave her alone with my children now.

Was your dm supervising them both at the time of the yoghurt feeding?

How old is ds2? He might not try and get the baby when you are there as he knows you don't want him to, but thinks he'll get away with it if you're not. DN who is five tried to give six month old ds a sweetie because she thought he was sad at being left out, luckily I caught her. As for all the wean him at ten weeks on rusks nonsense that so many people seem to spout, just ignore her and if you don't trust that she won't try, she doesn't get to see the children without you present and tell her why.

DS is 2, sorry, should have clarified that.
And yes, DM was supervising them both as I didn't want to have DD near the hobs while I was cooking.

Well, did you ask your mother whether she had told DS to feed the baby?

YABU to be annoyed rather than establishing the facts. But if that is what she did, then YANBU to be annoyed with her.

How old is you DS, could he tell you if your mother asked him to do it? What was her reaction to the incident? X

Yanbu, But saying it’s your HV advice might just sound to your dm like another opinion instead of the official govt guidelines, which you could slow her along with the research as to why it’s not a good idea to feed babies early.
Unless she’s the sort of dm who doesn’t like reason, and just wants to be right/ difficult.

@bridgetreilly I did, and she said she didn't, but tbh I really don't take her at her word for various reasons. She has a history of lying to save herself/cause problems etc and has before told DH that I'm being too fragile over the kids and their feeding. (I'm not, we've only taken on board what health professionals have told us, DS will pretty much eat anything so isn't picky or starving himself.

This is the same woman who has told me before that she couldn't wait for me to have children because then she'd be able to do what she liked with them when I wasn't around. She will quite literally throw a tantrum if she doesn't get her way (so visits are usually supervised anyway)

As the supervising adult she was responsible. Accidents and mistakes happen with the best of intentions but seems her intentions clearly weren't in line with yours

If you don't trust your mother, don't use her for free babysitting.

Hard to know. The yogurt was probably for DS2 and he decided to share it and DM didn’t see anything wrong with the baby having a taste.

So I don’t think DM told DS2 to feed the baby yogurt. I think she was turning a blind eye (unless you just happened at exactly the wrong moment and she noticed when you noticed).

I’d make a note of it. Say “lucky we caught DS2 in time!” To enforce that no solids before six months requirement.

If you happen on other things, such that there is a list of little things like this or any one big thing, then I’d think about not trusting DM. This is too uncertain to make into a big issue.

@PlanDeRaccordement I know, that's why I've asked on here. I'm really unsure of things at time. She's been fine so far with DS and ive not worried about anything, but where we now live closer to DM it's as though everything she wanted to say or do with DS is now happening. She bought some risks and baby rice for DS at one point when he was under 6 months but didn't feed him any.