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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed my mums constantly presence on Facebook..

56 replies

Bee1511 · 30/11/2019 15:33

Please don’t re-post anywhere else.

My mum is glued to her phone and Facebook which is her choice ofc.

I don’t post much other than the odd photo, status update or funny quote or something. I don’t post every day. Immediately after posting something she’s all over it which really isn’t the issue. But it’s her getting involved with absolutely everything.

Once I woke up to about 200 Facebook notifications. She had gone through several years worth of posts and photos from 2008 and liked them all.

For instance, I posted a photo of my daughter. One of the school run mums commented on it. Somebody my mum doesn’t even know and she’s liking and replying to her comment like she’s her best mate. This happens every time I post something and it’s starting to pee me off. Like let me breathe please... let me have my own friends.

My mum has always been over bearing in every single way possible and it’s impossible to talk about.

Like I said I don’t put much on much in social media to be honest. Is it any wonder?

Aibu to be annoyed by this? Or am I just being precious?

It’s just she won’t let me have my own friends or life without interfering and getting involved in everything.

OP posts:
MistyCloud · 30/11/2019 17:46

@Bee1511

YANBU.

I really dislike this very thing about facebook... The fact that work colleagues, friends, ex colleagues, extended family, penpals, mums of your kids friends, (and your kids friends,) and anyone and everyone who is on your 'friends' list get to all communicate and comment on every fecking thing.

In real life (and pre social media,) my work colleagues would not have even crossed paths with my aunt, or my cousin, or my DCs friend's mothers, or my DH, and yet now they can all communicate and speak, and it's odd.

So I actually stopped using facebook about 6 months back. I still have it active (to communicate with family/friends who live 100s of miles away,) but I have my privacy settings set very high, so no-one can see my 'friends' list or who is on it. All they can see is any mutual friends.

A mum who is constantly posting on her adult DD's facebook and trying to communicate with everyone on her friends list, is being OTT. If I were you I would stick her on your restricted list, so she sees no more than anyone who is not on your friends list. And do the same with your siblings if they will tell her what you post

OR as a pp said, deactivate facebook for a few months.

Coffeecoffeecoughcough · 30/11/2019 17:50

YANBU.

My mum was like this and was a big factor in why I came off Facebook. It got very annoying.

It was also false as she does it to my siblings and cousins to make herself look more caring than she actually is.

saraclara · 30/11/2019 18:02

Restrict her access, and make your posts only visible to friends, and not friends of friends. Then she won't see anything of yours appear on your siblings' pages either.

Cherrysoup · 30/11/2019 18:12

Take her off your friends’ list.

sonjadog · 30/11/2019 18:24

This is exactly the reason why I refuse to be my Mum´s facebook friend. She would be unbearable.

If I were you, I would put her on a restricted list. I have one that excludes the madder of my relatives, so that I don't have to read their insane opinions.

virginpinkmartini · 30/11/2019 18:29

Ugh. My mum isn't as bad as yours but she will write shit like 'my beautiful baby, I'm so proud' (I'm 26) and it will be on a photo of me just at work or something mundane. She doesn't think that my colleagues and stuff will see it. It's always 'My' this, and 'my' that, yet she never expresses she's proud of me to my face. I cringe when I get a notification from her. So YANBU

LimeRedBanana · 30/11/2019 18:41

The solution to so many of these problems usually boils down to: use social media less.

But people seem to find that impossible.

So - given you don't want to limit or end your social media use, and you can't talk to your Mum about it, the best you can really hope for is to continue to be annoyed by it.

By the way, you can continue to:

  • go on social media
  • use it as a news and information source
  • see what other people are up to...

... but not actually post on it yourself.

Again though, this seems to be something many people find impossible to do.

Beseen19 · 30/11/2019 18:50

Oh man my dad is awful on fb. He tags me in everything, everytime we go out for lunch he has a photo and 'funny' comment and tags us at the restaurant. There is a setting you can put on which controls what you can be tagged in and what shows up on your timeline which I have set up. He travels a lot and posts every single flight (as in 4 times a week) as if anyone cares, never mind the security risk. He also didn't speak to me for a week because I didnt want to share my latest pregnancy on fb and he wanted to share it with all his 'friends'.

You have my every sympathy!

Havaina · 30/11/2019 18:52

You need to change your settings for your mum and siblings so that don't see eveything.

NotPennysBoat · 30/11/2019 18:54

You can restrict individual posts to "all friend except ...". I may have occasionally used this when I'm facebooking during the work day and don't want my colleagues to see!

ysmaem · 30/11/2019 19:10

Change your privacy settings on your post so she cant see your posts.

Sofast · 30/11/2019 19:37

My mum is just like this, she drives me mad shes so ott. Shes added lots of my friends shes only met once and likes all their stuff and comments on everything I post.

I cant restrict her, when I was first emotionally pressured into accepting her friend request I had her restricted but she picked up on it and kept emotionally blackmailing me. I rarely post because I fons her sp suffocating but I cant say anything anymore because the emotional drama is too much

Raspberrytruffle · 30/11/2019 19:45

Can we swap mums please? Il happily have her annoy me ? My mum only calls if she wants something which stings abit

ForalltheSaints · 30/11/2019 20:17

Why are you on Facebook at all?

wictional · 30/11/2019 21:05

Another one here suggesting making it so that everyone can see your stuff except her. I had to do it to an aunty of mine who posted on absolutely every post I made/was tagged in/liked. The silence is bliss, and she doesn’t realise because it’s not as obvious as blocking/unfriending.

Schoolchoicesucks · 30/11/2019 22:52

My stepmother does this. It's one of the reasons I rarely post any more.
I did wonder if you were my step sister, but I think she enjoys the constant attention tbh.

Can you set your default posts so that it's friends except her? And remember every so often to post something she can see & comment on?

Schoolchoicesucks · 30/11/2019 22:53

Meant to ask whether your mum also criticises others for constantly being on facebook/phones/kids on tablets? While doing the exact same thing?

CookPassBabtridge · 01/12/2019 08:41

My mum does this.. she comments on the post seconds after I put it on, she must have notifications set up for when I post something and comes through to her phone! It's cute in a way but I can say that as we get on. If we didn't I would hate it.

CookPassBabtridge · 01/12/2019 08:42

My mum does this.. she comments on the post seconds after I put it on, she must have notifications set up for when I post something and comes through to her phone! It's cute in a way but I can say that as we get on. If we didn't I would hate it.

roiseandjim · 01/12/2019 08:45

My mum does this and I've added her into some diet groups that I'm in and have now taken myself out of the group cos she's so overbearing with it

zemblanity · 01/12/2019 09:40

My sister does this. She's also added all of my friends as friends of Facebook and then searched for them and followed them on Instagram. Even friends she only met once at my wedding Confused

Not much I can do about it either. I came off Facebook but she stills sees anything I do if my friends post a photo that I'm in etc.

I loathe social media.

EleanorReally · 01/12/2019 09:45

does it matter?

CodenameVillanelle · 01/12/2019 09:49

I really hate it when people post things like 'why are you on Facebook at all' or 'just delete Facebook' for goodness sake some people like Facebook and they want to use it, you aren't morally superior if you don't!

OP I suggest you make a fakebook and add your friends on there for real stuff then just post family things on this one for your mum and siblings.

Nonnymum · 01/12/2019 09:52

Remember this when your children are grown up. That is if Facebook or something similar still exists! Tbh I it sounds as though she has a need to connect with you publicly. Are you close in real life.?

Her0utdoors · 01/12/2019 10:39

I made Facebook friends with my physio therapist's business page and got a friend request from her dad. No.