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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to intervene in friendship with older child?

6 replies

Wheredidigowrongggggg · 30/11/2019 12:15

My nearly 10 year old has always sought out older friends. She’s very bright but no more physically or emotionally mature than anyone else her age. In some ways she’s actually quite naive - too trusting. She has a heavily monitored iPod where she can message friends, knowing I will check absolutely everything she writes and receives.

She has a year 7 friend at an activity. She’s 11. That friend has a boyfriend. In some ways it’s very innocent - she’s nervous about a date at McDonald’s today. In others it’s far too advanced for an 11 year old - she told my daughter he’d touched her boobs (bigger than mine apparently, not tricky) and shuddered.

I don’t want my daughter being involved in this. How do I handle it? Most interaction is at this once a week activity. The organisers are hot on safeguarding and could separate them i am sure. But am I right to intervene?

This week she (and another girl my daughters age who should know better) dared my daughter to ‘ask our’ her best male friend. The same age friend has form for nasty behaviour and the way she did it made me think she knew my daughter would look a dick. Daughter told me, and I explained it was a cruel request and she should not to it. It would make her (male) friend feel awkward and probably reject the friendship due to embarrassment. She didn’t do it but I do think this older girl’s premature adult style relationship is creeping into my daughters psyche and I don’t like it. What would you do?

OP posts:
Wheredidigowrongggggg · 30/11/2019 12:16

‘Ask out’

OP posts:
IdiotInDisguise · 30/11/2019 12:21

Erm... I am not sure but I would say that things can differ widely between different friend groups. DS group at the end of primary school were ver interested in this boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. His next group if friends, a year later, when he moved into secondary school were far more interested in kicking a ball.

insanepizza · 30/11/2019 12:23

Is your DD year 5 or 6?

I don't think you can stop the friendship but talk to your DD about different expectations and not to follow requests like asking her best friend out (as you have done).

Wheredidigowrongggggg · 30/11/2019 12:24

She’s year 5.

OP posts:
Wheredidigowrongggggg · 30/11/2019 12:25

My concern is That she is a kicking a ball type, not a bf/gf type. Others differ, I can see that, but might not have the same influence as someone two years older.

OP posts:
insanepizza · 30/11/2019 12:28

My DD (ur 8) is not interested in boys either. Chat to her about how that's ok and it is ok to have different interests / tastes and not want a boyfriend.

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