To think that once your given something it’s yours?

[Wonderland18]

So my friend was engaged but recently broke up with her fiancé, he has asked for his ring back and she’s a bit upset as it represents a good chunk of her life.

I’m pretty much of the opinion of unless it was handed down from his family and if it was specifically bought for her it’s hers but was wondering if that’s unreasonable?

Should she have to give back something if it was given as a proposal to a marriage that didn’t happen?

Moot point cause she’s agreed to give it back but I’m still curious what others views are on it. Should an engagement ring be treated differently to other gifts of affection?

I think if she ended things then she should give it back.

If he ended it then she could keep it (unless it’s an heirloom).

That’s just my opinion though.

An engagement ring is given in contemplation of a marriage of the marriage doesn't happen the ring gets returned to the giver.
That's what Judge Judy always says anyway!

I think engagement rings are different than other gifts, so many factors, can it result be considered a gift?
One factor, as you say, is when it's a family heirloom.
Another, from the giver's pov, is that it's like offering a contract, and understandably you might want that contract back if its been voided.
I also think your opinion, that it's a gift that once given belongs to the recipient, can also be valid.
Actions depend on the circumstances with this I've!

I gave back a ring from a broken engagement (broken by me). I felt it represented a promise (to get married) that I wasn’t going to keep, so I returned it. I kept all the other “gifts of affection” (and still wear some of them!)

Give it back, why does she want to keep it... she’s not getting married and she broke up with him......

I think traditionally if you end the engagement, you’re meant to give it back.

If the giver ends the engagement, the receiver keeps it.

Legally, unless there was a prior agreement that it would be handed back if the engagement was called off, it is her property and she can keep it.

Morally, it's a bit trickier. Break-ups are hard when there are hurt feelings on each side. On the one hand, rings can be expensive and that could be several months worth of salary. On the other, it would depend what the circumstances of the break up were and the dynamic in the relationship. For example, if she called it off or she met someone else then it would add insult to injury to also keep the ring but if he ended it or he met someone else it would do the same to then ask for it back.

I agree with the posters saying it should be given back. It's a part of the future marriage really. I don't think anyone would want to wear it again anyway, that would be weird and if you're just keeping it to sell it, that's grabby.

I think she's wrong. She's not engaged and she didn't get married.

They ended on good terms I think he was just put out by the expense.

I suppose if it was given as a promise to marry and that wasn’t met it would make sense for it to be like breaking a contract.

I definitely don’t think it’s moral to keep an heirloom cause you don’t plan on being in that family.

So does that differ if you go through with the marriage and the marriage breaks down? Do you keep the rings then?

She isn’t keeping it regardless, they just weren’t happy together no other people involved.

I was just curious on others views

Yeah I agree you give an engagement ring back

if he wants to sell it then he should get it back. difficult question. perhaps they can sell it and split the proceeds

"So does that differ if you go through with the marriage and the marriage breaks down? Do you keep the rings then?"
Yes. You fulfilled the contract of marriage so the rings are yours to keep.

They ended it so he gets it back, I suppose. Had he ended it, she would have been within her rights to keep it.

There is actual law in relation to engagement rings. It belongs to the receiver. But morally it's more complicated.

I read something years ago, an engagement ring is given for a permanent arrangement, ie marriage.

Therefore, once it’s given it belongs to the recipient.

It may well be different in the USA where Judge Judy is based.

Historically the woman wouldn't have had independent means and could have had her reputation tarnished by the ending of the engagement so the ring was a financial asset to her. Not really applicable these days.

I understand it as the ring goes with the person who was broken up with.

She should give it back,

I kept my engagement ring. I said he could keep [something else of equal value that I didn't have space for] and I would keep the ring.

I liked the ring, moved it to the other hand and carried on wearing it.

As PP have said, one of the few times a gift is not permanent is an engagement ring.
It belongs to the giver. The wearer wears it until they marry the giver then it becomes theirs.

You should always give it back should the relationship fail. I believe it's law, it's definitely a thing, it's what's done in England.

Yes you give the ring back if you break up.

@DisplayPurposesOnly I like that, I think it carries a lot of sentiment about a part of your life even if you never worked out. Less about the value and more about the item I guess.

Give it back. Why would she want to remember a broken engagement?

I think she should give it back.

It’s strange to want to keep the ring when the engagement was broken off.