To feel my home ownership dream is jeopardised

[ChristmasbloodyChristmas]

I've lived in rented accommodation since the breakdown of my first marriage almost 10 years ago. I'm now remarried. I've worked hard all of my life and feel that owning your own home (albeit via a mortgage) is important.

I'm saving hard but with house prices at around £200k for a starter home, it's going to be a long time before I have enough for a deposit.

My AIBU - my husband and I have separate finances as he has to support his ex-wife financially until a set time in the future (long story that makes my teeth itch). Their children are adults (20 and 18), he earns £35k a year but has to pay her £600 per month. This is by court order and includes the child maintenance for the youngest until he finishes full time education, although the spousal maintenance will continue until the youngest is 25!! I'll never know why he agreed to it. AIBU to feel he's jeopardised our future home ownership? Sorry this is a wee bit rambley.

Oh and if anyone has any ideas about how to save or buy a home without a huge deposit, please let me know!

How much was he earning when maintenance was agreed?

Ultimately it was your choice to get involved with someone with this financial set up.

@73Sunglasslover the decision over whether or not she was a SAHM had nothing to do with me, so I'm not sure why you're saying I had any say in the decision!

I've re-read what I wrote and can't see where it says that. I definitely didn't mean to say you had anything to do with the decision.

*@73Sunglasslover**

It could look as though you're determined to blame the man for this woman's incredible laziness.

I'm sure you're not, of course, but just saying it could read that way.*

I'm definitely not saying that and there is nothing about being a SAHM mum when the children are little which justifies working part-time when they are adults. I'm just talking about the principle of whether a SAHP should continue to get some recompense for the impact this will have had on their career - even if was 'only' a career in retail. She may have been the manager of a store now rather than working on the tills, for example, if she'd not had a long career break.

This is just one factor which needs to be considered, but I don't think we do SAH mums (or dads now we are seeing increasing number of them) any favours when we discount this variable.

Ultimately what matters is what the court decides and it may be best for the OPs partner to take it there now if he and his ex can't agree on the amount and duration of him contributing.

I met DH when he was in the early stages of his divorce. It went on for a very long time as she stalled and stalled. When I met him he had no agreement in place to pay spousal maintenance, so no I didn't choose to be with a man supporting his ex-wife financially. I knew he had children and, of course, would fully support and expect him to pay child maintenance but that is very different to spousal maintenance.

If he was a very high earner and she had been used to a life with the benefit of that high wage, then although I don't agree with it, I could see the argument. This wasn't the case here, he's a moderate earner and she could easily have returned to work. Quite simply she refused to divorce him unless he agreed to this.

Returning to the courts is an option, but nothing fundamental has changed, other than the fact he's now divorced. He's not earning less, she's not remarried, so there's little point.