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AIBU?

To think it will be fine for my mum to go to this?

48 replies

SnowyChristmasTree · 28/11/2019 17:49

Ds is in reception. I've just found out today that he's getting his first standing up in assembly award tomorrow. The school only let you know the day before.

I have Fridays off work, so usually I go to anything like this for the dc at the school, however it just so happens that this Friday I have an early appointment to have my hair coloured. I don't get it coloured very often, I can't just cancel and rebook as the hairdresser I go to gets booked up well in advance and I've also paid a deposit.

My mother was taking ds to school for me tomorrow and has kindly agreed to stay for the assembly so that ds has someone there. I'm gutted I won't be there but it's very unfortunate it's clashed and I think it will be ok.

I asked dh to ring me earlier (he's at work) as I was going to ask if his parents would like to go, he didn't get back to me.

He's now screaming down the phone at me how tragic this is and how awful and terrible it is for me to miss ds first award and generally being very dramatic about it all.

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SnowyChristmasTree · 28/11/2019 18:14

Thanks, no he's not usually an asshole, he does have a tendency to catastrophize. He's not screaming in anger he's screaming in and 'it's the end of the world' kind of way. Saying things like "oh my god what are we going to do", asking why the school tell you so last minute, saying I can't possibly miss it it's his first one and it would be terrible, ds will be so upset.

I feel bad as it is so don't need the dramatics.

As for dh, he won't get a day off at short notice. It just so happens that most school stuff happens on a Friday so I'm usually always there. My work also let me swap my day so I tend to get to most things.

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AppleKatie · 28/11/2019 18:17

I’m glad he’s not angry just a bit of an idiot. Tell him to chill out it will seriously be fine.

My mum is taking my son to see FC at the Christmas fair next week because I have to work 🤷‍♀️ I will be at the nativity the week after. That’s life.

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wineisnecessary · 28/11/2019 18:19

@PlanDeRaccordement hair appointments this time of year are like gold dust especially for a colour which can take a couple of hours . It's a reception awards assembly hardly graduating from uni . there will be hundreds over the years .

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PinkyU · 28/11/2019 18:21

Your op made it seem that he was screaming AT you, not in upset and distress, so for that yabu and dramatic yourself.

There’s no chance I’d miss my child’s excitement and pride at receiving an award for a hair appointment, neither would my dp.

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SnowyChristmasTree · 28/11/2019 18:28

Beauty treatments as you put it dont generally come before my dcs achievements. In fact the reason I don't get hair done at the weekend is because I take them to their various football clubs and hobbies.

I have my hair coloured twice a year, it's quite long and takes a long time, the hairdresser works for herself and she books up months in advance. It just so happens I made this appointment ages ago.

As I say I usually sort out all school stuff awards/plays and so on. I'm also the one to take leave when they're sick and my mother helps us a lot too.

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CosmoK · 28/11/2019 18:33

You really don't need to justify yourself op. Your child will be fine and can share the excitement after school. It'll be over in less than a minute and I'm sure it won't be the last time he gets an award.

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BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 28/11/2019 18:37

This is a massive non-event. Your DS will be a-ok whether it’s you, your mum it no one.

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donttellmetwice · 28/11/2019 18:40

Then he can go! Jeez your DS won't even be thinking about it this time next week!

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Afolnerd · 28/11/2019 18:46

I’m missing 2 short notice infant school things over the next week. Granny is going to both and will video them for us. As long as someone is there it’s fine. I think my dd would pick Granny over me anyway!

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Lindy2 · 28/11/2019 18:47

Your plan is just fine.

Go and have your hair done as planned. Your mum will enjoy seeing her grandson in his assembly.

Speak to the school and ask them to give parents more notice of events like this. 1 days notice is far too short.

Speak to your husband and tell him not to be such a melodramatic prat. If he feels it is vitally important a parent is there then he is well aware of the time and location so can attend too.

With just 1 days notice I'm sure there will be plenty of parents who can't be there.

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leghairdontcare · 28/11/2019 18:48

At least with the update we can downgrade OP's DH from aggressive arsehole to whiny loser.

Hopefully you can raise your son to be more resilient than his dad.

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EvaHarknessRose · 28/11/2019 18:54

Your DH will give ds an anxiety disorder

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mynameisigglepiggle · 28/11/2019 19:18

He will be fine - familiar face is there!
Your DP should think himself lucky our school don't tell you in advance if your little cherub is star of the week. It's happened to me before when I've gone to assembly for weeks - miss one week and miss it!!

To be honest it's a better idea I think then there is no pressure on the parents to be there if they can't x

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PlanDeRaccordement · 29/11/2019 11:44

Cosmo- but of course parents can have other commitments. My point is that I would not prioritise my hair over the first academic award my child gets in their life. Your DH taking his child for immunisations while you get your hair done is a completely different situation. Immunisations are not exactly an achievement an infant has worked hard for or even wants to have done to them.

Wine- yes, there will be more academic achievements but there is only one first. It’s similar to the first day of school, or first ribbon in a competition (academic or sports). Firsts to me are more important.

I’m know I’m the minority view but perhaps it is because I missed several firsts with my eldest child due to work and deeply regret it. I made firsts a higher priority for my other children and it has had happier results for all.

If the OP is asking the question, it is only fair to be honest about my opinion on the subject.

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DeathStare · 29/11/2019 11:49

Your husband needs to get a grip. He is an equal parent. If it's not going to scar your child for life him not being there, it's equally not going to scar your child for life you not being there.

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Trooperslaneagain · 29/11/2019 11:55

FFS. Why is it your job to go and it isn't his?

School organisation does my nut in (in terms of totally last minute e.g we got notification of an in service day last Friday for today - not on IMO and I'm sure they knew about it well before)..... But he's still being a horrible dick.

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messolini9 · 29/11/2019 11:56

He's now screaming down the phone at me how tragic this is and how awful and terrible it is for me to miss ds first award

Errrr ... what?
How awful & terrible it is for DH to miss DS's first award.

Tell DH he has just won his very own award:
"Best Dramatic Double Standard"

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Aderyn19 · 29/11/2019 12:00

Your DS will be fine. So long as someone is there it really doesn't matter if it's gran instead of you.
Women are allowed to do things for themselves sometimes without getting a guilt trip over it. Bloody schools are annoying with their assumption that nobody has anywhere else to be in the day and can just sit by the phone waiting for school to request their presence!

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SunshineAngel · 29/11/2019 12:00

This is so silly. A lot of people would have work, and couldn't just drop it at this short notice, so not all kids would have parents there I'm sure.

I wouldn't cancel your appointment either, given you'd lose money, and it's really hard to get a colour app this close to Christmas!

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GeorgiaGirl52 · 29/11/2019 12:25

When my two oldest were in school I was a teacher in another school. I NEVER got to see them get an award or do an assembly presentation. My parents were there for all of it. They were fine with that and have fond memories of their grandparents -- especially their Popi who celebrated every achievement with ice cream for all!

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CosmoK · 29/11/2019 12:41

My point is that I would not prioritise my hair over the first academic award my child gets i their life

They don't tend to do academic awards in reception. It's far more likely to be for being polite or kind. My reception age DS got some last week for being polite in the lunch queue. We weren't even told about it ....it was only because my friend was there that I found out about it.

My DS knows that we try our best to be there for assemblies etc. but he also knows we work and have other commitments. It doesn't need to be a big deal.

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Subzerohero · 29/11/2019 12:45

The timing is unfortunate. Could you contact the hairdressers and check if there’s any way around it.
Otherwise, could you get the grandparent to record the presentation and make a fuss about it when you see dc?
And like others have said you have a dh problem

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pinkyredrose · 29/11/2019 14:57

My point is that I would not prioritise my hair over the first academic award my child gets in their life Grin seriously?

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