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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why we rarely see cremation scenes on tv or film

19 replies

DownToTheSeaAgain · 28/11/2019 16:53

Just that really. 99% of funeral scenes are around a casket going into the ground when in fact the cremation rate is about 75%.

It's been bugging me.

OP posts:
Lllot5 · 28/11/2019 16:55

Not as dramatic maybe. All relatives standing round in black looking at each other. More scenic.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 28/11/2019 16:57

I've been on a 'Crematorium Tour' as part of bereavement training.

Cremations are unpleasant, not very dignified and don't often happen until a few days (up to 72 hours) after the funeral.

Wouldn't make good telly.

ScreamingValenta · 28/11/2019 16:57

The writers think atmosphere is more important than accuracy.

I agree, it's mildly annoying. I'm in my 40s and I've never been to a burial - it's always been cremations.

icannotremember · 28/11/2019 16:58

Even though most of my family are cremated and had civil services, when I think 'funeral' I automatically picture a church and a burial, goodness knows why.

I think Llot is right, more dramatic effect.

ScreamingValenta · 28/11/2019 16:59

Cremations are unpleasant, not very dignified and don't often happen until a few days (up to 72 hours) after the funeral.

I don't think OP is suggesting films should show the coffin being burnt in a furnace. I think OP means, why don't they show people watching the coffin sliding behind a curtain, rather than being lowered into the grounds.

stucknoue · 28/11/2019 17:02

Graves have more plot potential and are more suitable for filming I suppose, I have seen them though

ShinyGiratina · 28/11/2019 17:03

There's something more intimate about standing at a graveside, rather than sitting in a room while a coffin rolls off and the curtains close.

cheesydoesit · 28/11/2019 17:05

They showed cremations in Happy Valley and Blue Murder... yeah I can only think of two off the top of my head.

They were pretty dramatic scenes though!

DownToTheSeaAgain · 28/11/2019 17:05

Yes the dramatic aspect makes sense but I am sure a good writer could make a cremation dramatic. Maybe they are just all a little bit lazy.

OP posts:
Stupiddriver1 · 28/11/2019 17:08

It’s cheaper to dig a hole in a field or even have a scene in an actual graveyard than build a crematorium set? I guess most actual crems are so busy they can’t have them tied up with filming.

Proseccoinamug · 28/11/2019 17:16

TheLightSideOfTheMoon I went ‘backstage’ at the crem to watch a relative enter the cremator. It happened immediately after the funeral but that could have been because I was present. I did have to notify the crem that I wished to do this.

It had a bit of a warehouse feel to it, like a factory, but it wasn’t undignified. Just matter of fact and a contrast from the emotion of the funeral, it was doing what needed to be done with no ceremony or emotion.

Just thought I’d add that in case anyone whose relatives have been cremated is concerned.

Proseccoinamug · 28/11/2019 17:17

And yes, I think a graveside makes for a more atmospheric scene!

DownToTheSeaAgain · 28/11/2019 17:18

But I am not suggesting you show the cremating itself. Just the service and the coffin slipping down or behind the curtain or whatever.

OP posts:
DonkeyHotty · 28/11/2019 17:20

Also, a lot of programmes such as SW etc will show exhumation scenes, thus reinforcing the idea that burials are more common.

DonkeyHotty · 28/11/2019 17:20

But I know what you mean op.
Graveyards are more ‘beautiful’ places than crematoria.

Outsomnia · 28/11/2019 17:24

I think cremations are very rushed these days. Ten to fifteen minutes for the commital service, then out you go whilst the next departure is waiting at the door to do exactly the same.

However, there is no standing in the elements to see a box go into the ground either. But each to their own.

I agree however, that burial in the ground has a lot of dramatic tendencies somehow. I suppose because it was for hundreds of years the only way.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 28/11/2019 17:25

As others have said, it simply makes better telly. You can have the relatives sobbing and clutching one another, or two warring factions reconciling to throw down the symbolic clods of earth; surprise arrivals can cause an argument with lots of high-drama yelling - maybe a bit of earth-throwing or, if things get particularly dramatic, someone falling into the open grave.

Also, for something like a soap opera, you have the potential for future scenes where a character in crisis goes to their loved one’s grave and talks to them at how they wish they were there and they miss them so much. You lose a bit of dramatic effect if they sit chatting to a pot.

ScreamingValenta · 28/11/2019 17:29

You lose a bit of dramatic effect if they sit chatting to a pot

A lot of cemeteries have mini-plots where ashes can be interred, which include a headstone - people go and tidy them, place flowers etc. just as they would with a grave. FIL's ashes are in one and MIL always refers to it as his 'grave'.

MarSeeAh · 28/11/2019 17:54

Cremations are unpleasant, not very dignified and don't often happen until a few days (up to 72 hours) after the funeral.

I disagree with this. As a parish minister I’ve taken many funerals in different crematoria, and am familiar with the “behind the scenes” bit. There is nothing unpleasant or undignified about cremations and they usually take place immediately or very soon after the service itself. It would be very unusual for there to be any significant delay. I find crematoria to be very calm and peaceful places.

As someone who’s familiar with both burial and cremation, I have no particular preference for either. I suppose if I’m still in this parish when I die I’d like to be buried as the graveyard is at the church, and is very peaceful in a rural location with lovely views - even though I won’t get to enjoy them! I also have a couple of favourite crematoria - also with lovely rural views.

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