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to ask what you think about this situation that my colleague is going mad about?

50 replies

BanKittenHeels · 28/11/2019 15:33

I haven’t heard the end of this for the last few weeks, so had to ask your opinions.

My colleague, let’s call her D, was married for around 12 years and split up with her husband 3-4 years ago. They have three children aged 5-10.

Her DH (an ex colleague of mine) has since married the OW (also an ex colleague of mine) and now they have a baby on the way.

They were all at some big family event or another and D over heard her exDH and OW talking about names with a family member.
D immediately pulled exDH to the side to say how the names are completely unacceptable and inappropriate, as they don’t go with their children’s names and that he should take into account their names before picking the names for his new baby.

FWIW she told me some of the names they were discussing and they were all flower names and whilst not necessarily something I’d choose, they all seemed fine to me. D prefers traditional names and all of her children have names Kate and William and the Queen have chosen (plus floral middle names).

She kept going on and on about sending him a list of names that she thought would work, to the point another colleague took her phone off her during our last shift together. Grin
But she sent the email anyway.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 28/11/2019 15:35

Oh bless her. She needs to detach.

keepingbees · 28/11/2019 15:35

She sounds batshit tbh. And jealous. Absolutely nothing to do with her what they name the new baby.

tabulahrasa · 28/11/2019 15:36

Is she generally... rational?

Because that’s really odd tbh.

KidLorneRoll · 28/11/2019 15:36

Yeah, she's batshit crazy.

isseywith4vampirecats · 28/11/2019 15:36

She is being very unreasonable fair enough if it was her that was pregnant but no way is this any of her business, my grandaughter is pregnant with a boy due january and i absolutely hate the names she has picked but i havent said a single word as its her and her partners choice of name not mine

CripsSandwiches · 28/11/2019 15:37

YANBU. Clearly D is still deeply hurt/angry by the break up and particularly the other woman and is projecting her feelings spuriously onto baby names. I do sympathise with her as it sounds difficult having to listen to the new happy couple discuss baby names but unless they're choosing something completely outrageous (e.g. the same name as one of their existing DC) then she has no right to complain.

APerkyPumpkin · 28/11/2019 15:37

Does she have control issues?

HowlsMovingBungalow · 28/11/2019 15:38


crustycrab · 28/11/2019 15:40

Sounds like she lost all control first time when he had an affair, and is now losing more control that she won't be the only "mother of his children".

She needs to see that she now has no control whatsoever over him.

DeathStare · 28/11/2019 15:40

She doesn't get any say whatsoever in what her exDH and his new wife call the baby.

And if she isn't careful she is going to create so much tension that they are going to struggle to have any sort of positive relationship. And that is going to impact on their children.

I think she probably needs some counselling to help her detatch.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 28/11/2019 15:41

Very odd. But how awful a situation for her to be in, listening to her ex husband discussing names for the child he is having with the other woman.

Disfordarkchocolate · 28/11/2019 15:42

I'd burst out laughing if I got that email, and then maybe be worried my X wife had gone mad. It's none of her business.

BanKittenHeels · 28/11/2019 15:43

She is generally, as my grandmother says “complete with functioning hinges” but she is clearly still (understandably) upset by their betrayal and focusing her upset on the name.

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Disfordarkchocolate · 28/11/2019 15:45

Is there someone close enough to her to suggest this is a step too far and while she can be as angry as she likes (and I would be) this will impact on her children if she doesn't manage it better.

BanKittenHeels · 28/11/2019 15:54

We have all spoken to her at length about it at work (and some of us have worked with her for a considerable time and are friends not just colleagues) but she won’t get it in to her head that she is fine to be upset but this is the wrong outlet.

I also sadly, think she doesn’t trust any of us as much because it was a colleague who “ran off with” her husband.

I wish we could get it into her head. I’d be very sad for her if this some how impacted her children and their relationship with their new sibling, because I think I’m the long run she would regret that too.
She just can’t see that she is unreasonable and we have tried so, so much to have her see any way other than her own.

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Stegosaurus1990 · 28/11/2019 15:56

This is the sort of thing you think and never sat out loud. It’s really quite sad.

PooWillyBumBum · 28/11/2019 16:03

Oh wow, batshit. The sad thing is it's likely that OW and exDH will be laughing about this with friends and family.

PianoTuner567 · 28/11/2019 16:07

I feel quite sorry for her, to be honest. How painful this must all be.

steff13 · 28/11/2019 16:07

There are probably a lot of things he should have taken into account regarding his children before doing any of this. But the name of the new baby isn't one of them.

Flimflamfloogety · 28/11/2019 16:13

Aw bless her, I feel quite bad for her. Does she have any family members that could have a chat with her as she's clearly struggling?

Shortfeet · 28/11/2019 16:16

I think people who make are concerned about their own children’s names “going together “ are a bit mad anyway .
I’ve only come across it on mumsnet.
Never mind worrying about your ex’s name choices

Bluntness100 · 28/11/2019 16:17

Oh dear, she's in a very bad place, of course she can't name their child, that's bonkers.

She's obviously finding the pregnancy difficult, and maybe needs some counselling to understand that as much as this is her kids half sibling it is not her child and she needs to emotionally detach now.

WaxOnFeckOff · 28/11/2019 16:47

Soooo, if she was having a new baby with a new husband, how amenable would she be to her ex-dh telling her what she was allowed to call her baby?

Names within a traditional family unit don't have to go together never mind in an extended family.

I do understand that it might feel like the final nail in the coffin but it's really none of her business. Maybe her DH didn't really like the style of names she liked or maybe he's just changed his mind or been introduced to a different style by his new wife?

AllYouGoodGoodPeople · 28/11/2019 17:29

I think the only situation where it would be slightly verging on acceptable to comment on the name choices for your child's new half sibling, is if the common parent wished to use the same or a very similar name for the second child as was used for the first child. At which point you say "Having two sons called David is stupid, you idiot"

Giving him a list of suitable names is sad, and I do feel for her but it's just not on to comment - to her exDH anyway. She can slag him off to everyone else.

BanKittenHeels · 28/11/2019 17:41

I feel so bad for her and can’t get her to see she is being unreasonable. She thinks we are siding with him because we know him too.

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