To not go to my dying Grandmother's bedside
JustACog · 28/11/2019 12:53
My grandmother is in hospital 300 miles away, she's at the end now, heavily sedated and it seems unaware of her surroundings.
I last saw her weekend before last when she was lucid. We had 30 mins to ourselves, talked about my childhood, our memories, my plans for the future. Really did feel like we said goodbye.
I'm now getting lots of pressure from family members to drop everything and be at her bedside for her final hours. I've got 2 young kids, DH works shifts, I'm in FT employment. I could work out arrangements to cover it all but WIBU to just say no I'm not coming. Sounds really selfish as I write it out but I just don't want to go.
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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ThePants999 · 28/11/2019 12:56
YANBU, and not even for your practical reasons. I missed my mum's final hours. That means my final memories of her were happy ones. My dad not only understood, but told me I did the right thing. It's different if they're lucid and you're being there for them, but if they're not aware of their surroundings then IMO it's just pain all round.
1990shopefulftm · 28/11/2019 13:13
you aren't being unreasonable.
I went to the hospital 100 miles away to see my dying grandad yesterday and he was still a bit lucid so i could say goodbye but he's clearly suffering and won't be conscious at all soon for self preservation i've decided i won't go again as I know it ll make the process even harder if I do. i think you've been able to have a wonderful last memory with your grandma so i don't think its selfish not to visit again.
tell your family members that you want that last memory of her to be a good one, they should respect that.
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