Mum guilt - going back to study and work to better our futures

[Firsttimemomma]

DD is 8 months old and my first child. I went back to work part time (2 days and a morning from 8 - 11) in September and have gotten a leadership promotion. Due to my promotion, work are also paying for a post grad course for me which will give me even better opportunities in the future and automatically a higher pay - it does however require a lot of studying (50 + assignments this year!!). If I quit doing it I would have to pay for the entire course which frankly I can't afford as me and OH have found our dream house (5 bedroom, 3 bathroom... Etc) so have put down a big deposit for it. OH is an optometrist and our mortgage relies on both of our incomes (my future pay which my employers have stated I would receive dependent on this course). OH looks after DD 1 and half day and my mum looks after her another day so me and OH get 2 days together with DD. I'm now thinking of leaving DD with a childminder (from 11 - 4) so that I can get my assignments and work done as there is no one else on hand ro look after her. AIBU in wanting to get all this done in order to have our dream house and our future but compromising on giving up that time with my baby to do so. I feel guilty enough with the 2 and half days as I don't want to miss out on anything with my baby but I'm also thinking of all of our futures as this would only be until the end of this academic year.

You say OH not DH so assume you’re not married: full time work is usually advised in your circumstances. It’s good that you got promotion while working PT and have progression opportunities.

Yes, you’ll need childcare - short term investment.

Study to earn more and progress is good, but will be very hard. How long is the course?

My DM worked and studied for 4 years when we were primary age. It was hard on her, her relationship with my DF, and she had limited time with us. It enabled her to get a good job, with good hours, and she got to a high level in it quickly. Her earnings were very important to the family later on, eg when my father was out of work, when she got ill and got an enhanced pension.

Thing is with mum guilt OP,this is it ..its a fact ..if you dont feel mum guilt with this you will feel it about something else!!! It comes with the job title of mum!!!!!!! Children are adaptable your little one will be fine. You are doing something really worthwhile for your family,that is a good thing.How can it be wrong to better your families prospects? Save the mum guilt on this issue there will be heaps more mum guilt to come in the future when you cant do right for doing wrong! For example,not having enough loo rolls for the school project announced on tuedsay for thursdays craft session! Or for not baking 3650000 home made cupcakes beautifully decorated and sprinkled with genuine real life unicorn dustin a kitchen that contains no nuts and made gluten free for the PTA christmas cake bake!!!!!! You name it the mum guilt will come thick and fast later on.Do your course you will be fine.

I think the baby years are the perfect time tbh, I worked 4 days with a long commute while doing a post grad, my kids were 2 and not yet born to 5 and 2 when finished. They have no recollection, and now I'm in a senior job with excellent work life balance where I work very flexibility so have never missed a school event, work around school hours a bit more etc etc. I would find it much harder to do now when they want to spend time with me, and being in a lower down job with school aged kids would have been so much harder. Plus having money pretty good to.....nothing gives quality time and memories like holidays.

And they don't even remember!

Oh and I yes we paid for childcare on the one day I didn't work in my last year so I could crack on with the course quicker. No guilt.

I paid for childcare so I could study but had misgivings about the nursery that I didn’t act on soon enough - I regret it deeply (dd is fine but I remember how cold and detached the workers were). Go for it but start looking for a lovely childminder now! They are out there!

And yes, it is much harder to do later down the line. Do it now, you will not regret it.

Still getting used to the abbreviations, i meant DH. We are married and live together