Salary vs. Flexibility

[Hermione101]

Hi, I would love to know whether salary or flexibility is more important/valuable to moms with school aged children. I’ve been struggling with this and would love to hear what has worked for others.

I am 41 years old, have one DC (3), live in central London, with partner (unmarried). I have a graduate degree, work for a global organisation and make £43k a year. I have amazing flexibility, I can work from home whenever I want, boss is very understanding around child sick days/appointments etc...and my day finishes at 2pm (35hrs/week) so going forward I could pick up DD after school, not have to pay for wrap around care, and still have a professional office job with a very well known company.

The problem is, is that I feel I am underpaid and that I could be doing more with my career. The job doesn’t really offer opportunity for advancement, but I do learn new skills. After speaking with recruiters, I understand that if move into a similar role, but different sector could make about £15-£20k more, but I know I would lose the flexibility and hours.

How important was flexibility to you with young school aged children? Would you work longer hours for more money or take less for the flexibility that enables you to work around school hours and not commute into central London?

I am thinking that when DD is around 7/8, I would then transition to more pay/longer hours job, but think I may have a tougher time shifting career direction due to age (not saying that it can’t be done!).

Any thoughts and experience would be helpful, thank you!

Your partner is lame.
Work out your incomes as a percentage and apply that to childcare - it's not 50:50 when it comes to children.
It should mirror your incomes and private school isn't a pay off - if he wants private then don't use the fact he can afford to pay as a bargaining tool against you

Suggest a civil partnership 😉

I currently do term time only hours, part time.

I have just had a call about a job that mentions working til the job is done and weekends and evenings as required.

I have turned it down. I could have accepted the first bit (as think that's fairly standard anyway) but that PLUS specifying weekends and evenings made me .

So flexibility very much more important to me and my youngest is in their first year of secondary school.

Flexibility was absolutely key when my dc were younger, definitely the most important consideration (assuming you aren't struggling to survive on your salary)

Flexibility for sure. Are you certain though that nowhere else could offer the same or similar? I would be very surprised if that was the case, aside from guaranteeing an understanding boss, flexibility and working from home isn't overly uncommon anymore. Otherwise, is there anywhere in your current company to go? Any internal opportunities, or stepping stones into something else.

I would take the flexibility while at primary school and then potentially move to somewhere else when they go to secondary school. Although it sounds pretty perfect except you want a higher salary.

Would you definitely get that type of increase in salary? Do you have particularly good benefits or anything that would mean a £15k increase is much less in real terms. For me, my pension is too good to leave, so for me half of the 15k increase would be gone. Then to have more travel, more hours, more stress, childcare to worry about, no working at home. It wouldn’t be worth it.
I’ve increased my hours as DC have got older but now work from home half of the time. Which is great as I don’t need to collect them from school but if there’s an inset day I’m around without having to worry about taking time off. And even though DD is at secondary school, they want someone to be around still and there’s lots of exams where DD wants someone to take an interest in whether she’s revising etc. Needy in a different way!

If it’s that big a company, can you find out about moves into other departments? Or how to progress long term to your boss’s job?

He owns the house and pays everything that has to do with the house. He will be paying all of DD private school fees when she starts at age 4. I have never paid anything towards the house, so I save around 45% of salary after tax and pension contributions.

@MsVestibule he could be more appreciative and it does piss me off!

Why aren't you married? Your financial setup baffles me.

But always flexibility. I was headhunted earlier this year and turned them down because I could just tell they'd be arsey about taking time off when kids are sick or things come up. £15k doesn't pay for happy children

I found I needed more flexibility when my DCs went to secondary school. That was when I managed to change jobs to a WFH role. This was almost 20 years ago, and was the best career move I’ve ever made.

I would keep your eye on the jobs pages because it is possible to combine flexibility with a decent wage. Companies are improving with family friendly policies and in my company there are more men taking advantage of them than women - and their careers aren’t suffering.

Agree that you need to keep your eyes open re opportunities but wait until your DD has started school to see how much flexibility you need. The fees for some private schools here include after school care so you may be able to work more hours (if you wanted to).

For me, I chose flexibility (well an employer who knew me and was relaxed about mr leaving early if I needed to, and accommodating various changes to my hours). It was great and benefitted the whole family

My DC are all at secondary school now (well, youngest about to be) and I'm slighly conflicted now. I've been leapfrogged professionally by people who chose their careers, earning 10s of thousands more than me and doing more interesting work. 90% of the time, i think I made the right choices, 10% of the time i wish I'd been more driven about my career.

He is making sure that you don't have any claim if there was a split. I would actually contribute to the utility or something. It comes across like he has protected himself in case of a split.

Flexibility,

Wait until they start school, then you will be thanking your lucky stars you stuff with flexibility, as school age children like to really test how flexible one can be

For me it's always been flexibility.

Depends on how much you need the extra money though.

Owns and pays for the house! So if he leaves you tomorrow for what ever reason, or passes away, you loose your home..that’s not a good set up.