To not be bothered about having a group of mum friends?

[Talkthirtytome]

I have one almost 3 year old. I take him to the occasional stay and play and have made acquaintances who I will say hello to or have a quick chat if they come into the shop I work in for example or have them as friends on Facebook who will add the odd comment or message.
But a lot of them meet up for coffee etc and they are having a mums night out which I’m kindly invited along to, but I’m just not bothered. I have my best friend who we got pregnant within a month of each other (both with boys) so we’ll do things together once a month or so. But other than that, I only go to the groups for my sons benefit not my own, and I just am not bothered about socialising out of them.
AIBU?

You're not being unreasonable, but might it be nice to expand your group a bit? Id go, you might have a good time. If not you can always leave early

My friend was very similar to you. Her friend moved away for work and her child became very ill, she was very lacking in support during that time - both emotional and practical.

Your child is only three so you may feel different in the future when they’re at school

I'd find that terribly lonely, and a bit isolating for your DS? Don't you do play dates or anything like that? Does he have any little buddies he sees regularly and likes to play with?

I love my mum friends and their DC.

It’s fine, honestly. I’m an introvert and literally have nothing left to give after work (part time) and looking after my daughter. If you’re like me I completely get it. Maybe when you have more time to yourself you’ll feel more able to start up new friendships? It might happen naturally, I wouldn’t worry about it.

Nah, it's fine. I have a couple of friends who are mums and we do play dates but they aren't a group. I have never had a group of "mum friends", can't think of anything worse to be honest.

(I have other friends though I should add, but most of mine don't have children)

I’m a mix of both. I have no new mum friends, only ones of 20 years + who I can say absolutely anything to without judgement. If I don’t want to see them because I’m feeling pissed off, they don’t mind me saying it and I have no worries about mixed messages or people feeling put out or upset about something one of us has said etc

My meetups have dropped off since I went back to work. I'm pretty wiped out after work part-time and looking after DS on the other days. He gets social time at nursery!

That said if I hadn't gone back to work I'd have far more energy and would be craving the company so it depends.

I know it sounds a bit mercenary, but on a practical level, mum friends are actually very useful. They'll pick your children up from school in an emergency, look after them if you're really stuck etc. You don't have to be best mates with them, but going out with them occasionally, as long as you actually do like them, might be beneficial in the long run.

This is the thing, I don’t get lonely at all. DS sees the kids at playgroup but doesn’t really bother with them, he just does his own thing! He’ll play with my friends little boy but he’s actually very independent and seems to be the leader out of the 2 of them to say he hasn’t had a lot to do with other kids!
As others have said though, once he gets to school maybe I’ll feel different. We kind of have a routine on my days off of getting up around 9 and just chilling in our pjs, then we might go for a walk or have a ride out somewhere, then we get back around 3-4 by which time I’m starting dinner and the day is done! Maybe I’m just an introvert as being around people and not being able to be ‘myself’ just drains me!

I'd like mum friends not a group just people who have kids who want to hang with us every now and again

Well you should be able to be yourself around people. In the first school my kids went to I didn't click with any of the other mums. I continued seeing the post natal group mums as my child loved playing with the little group but as they all ended up in different schools that became harder to maintain. When my husband died so did half my social life. We moved eventually to a totally new area and I knew hardly anyone. But luckily this time a couple of mums became really good friends right away. I now have a great group of friends, most of them are other mums from school. It just clicked this time and also because I needed it after losing my husband, so contrary to my normal nature I put myself out there and was proactive. It worked.

I don't have any mum friends (unless my sister counts ). None of my friends have children, and they're all in different countries at the moment anyway. I also feel too anxious/down in myself to make new friends right now (my daughter is 1). I have no idea if that will change at all.

I’m an introvert too. It’s important not to confuse interversion with social laziness. I would go to this meal. How do you know whether you click with anyone unless you spend time with new people? If the people aren’t right for you, then you can always turn down future invitations. Having a good suppport network is important. Or some networking now might help if your children go to the same school in a few years. Group friendships are complicated and this group is still quite new. It might be harder breaking into established group later on.