Need to vent!

[PopYourMincePieInTheBin]

DH and I have three DC’s; a nearly 3 year old, a nearly 2 year old and a 2 month old.

I’m a SAHM. DH works full time, leaving the house at 6am and coming home around 5:30pm. Because of our two eldest DC’s bedtime, DH only spends an hour or so with them Monday through to Friday, but after half an hour of being with them and dealing with their entirely normal toddler behaviour, DH is stressed to the max and has no patience with them whatsoever. I know that coming home to a screaming household after a long day at work is no fun, but it’s the reality of our life with three kids and he should suck it up.

We’ve just had what could best be described as a ‘mini argument’.

DH was trying to get DC2 to go over to him so that he could start getting him ready for bed. DC2, being a normal not-quite-2 year old wanted to do anything but go and see Daddy to get wiped down and changed. DH now visibly angry/annoyed loudly says (wasn’t quite a shout) ‘ffs, he NEVER listens! Get here now kid!!!’.

I told him that DC2 is just being a typical small child and that he needs to sort out his patience levels. I deal with 3 DC’s under 3 all day long on my own, on top of all the housework, breastfeeding, and getting his and the DC’s dinner ready the moment he walks through the door. I said that even after everything I go through and put up with all day long, I STILL have more patience with the DC’s come the end of the day, than he does after he’s spent bloody half an hour with them!

He basically told me to shut up, followed by saying that seeing as I’m the one at home with them all day, I should work on ‘teaching them how to behave’. I lost my cool at that, and told him he needs to be as forgiving of DC2’s behaviour as he was/is with DC1 (his golden child), and that if he thinks he can do a better job of raising our children the ‘correct’ way, then he can stay home and deal with them 24/7 like I do.

He didn’t respond, and we’ve not spoken since. He’s in a huff and I’m frankly, really fucking pissed off that he’s blaming perfectly normal, toddler behaviour on my apparent ‘lack of parenting’.

AIBU to think he was out of line here?!

Ooooh, that would be a flying fruitbowl moment for me. And I'd quite possibly not be aiming - which is precisely when I'm guaranteed to hit my non-target.

I'm sitting here stewing now, wondering whether that comment was a 'heat of the moment' type thing that I should just forget. But it's really got my back up. Surely even in the midst of rage, you don't make digs at your partners parenting skills when she's giving all she damn well bloody can, every single day raising three DC's under 3!!

I'd be worried about DC1 being golden child and DC2 being the black sheep.

There are enough posts on here to illustrate that it sets children up for a lifetime of misery and, to be frank, is abusive behaviour.

I think you need to take a long hard look at things op.

DH admitted a while ago that he initially struggled to bond with DC2, and that it was 'much easier' bonding with DC1. Apparently he feels bonded with him now, but when I think back to when DC1 was DC2's age, DC1 was cut a lot more slack!

Well, if you're going to make digs about someone's parenting skills (clearly liking to live dangerously), you should make pretty bloody sure you're practically perfect in every way when it comes to parenting skills. He clearly isn't.

Maybe he needs more practice. . .

Tell him to give his head a punch wobble and think seriously about how to make it up to you and how he is going to improve his relationship with all 3 DC.
YANBU he is so far out of line he'll need to catch a plane to get back on track.

Meant to add

3 under 3? Hats off to you - I've 3 too, bigger gaps though and its so bloody hard at times. Sounds like you're doing great. I hope your DH comes to his senses & apologises.

He did end up apologising, but it hurt me nonetheless. I do all I can at home with the DC's, so to have my parenting questioned - whether it was a fleeting remark or not - still cut pretty deep.

Oh well, tomorrow's a new day!