To not change the date of the scan

[Sneezingmybrainsout]

Currently 14 weeks pregnant with DC2. Received a letter confirming 20 week scan will be on 3rd January at 4pm.

DH can not attend the scan due to work. He hasn’t actually asked for or booked time off and has just said oh I probably won’t get time off.

He wanted to go to the previous 2 scans, one at 7 weeks and the other at 12. I had to rearrange the 12 week one to fit in with his work.

AIBU to not rearrange? I don’t mind going alone. It’s an important scan and I’ll probably find out the baby’s sex when I get there. He never missed anything for DC1.

AIBU?

Tell him he should ask his work if he can get time off for it first. If not then I'd rearrange if possible but if it's not possible then go by yourself or a friend or relative.

It’s not easy to rearrange scans so he needs to check if he can get it off first

He can try and get it off first- if you’re happy going alone he has to make the effort to be there.

Ask him to ask work- but why are you happy not to have him there? It’s the anomaly scan it’s an important scan.

Thanks all. I really don’t mind going alone. Other than attending the scans he doesn’t really seem very interested or excited about having another baby and I’ve already facilitated him going to the 12 week scan.

It’s up to you, but I discovered that DC2 was not well (I don’t want to share details, sorry) at my 20week scan. I’m glad I didn’t have to cope alone.

All the best for a healthy pregnancy.

I think yabu, he is the father and if you're concerned he's not shown interest in the baby, surely excluding him form this will hardy make him more inclined to be involved will
It?
Secondly the 20week scan can reveal health issues (it happened to me) and dh being there to support me, and listen as doctors explained what was happening / what the implications were was incredibly important for both me, my son and dh.

Thing is OP, these scans are medical examinations. They are not a chance for you to see your baby waving at you. Any number of things can and do go wrong and will be picked up on these scans. Obviously majority of the time everything is perfectly ok.
What would happen if something was to be wrong? would you be ok to deal with that alone?

Your comment about DH not being interested/excited in this DC is interesting - is he having second thoughts?

I totally get the importance of the scan.

I had a miscarriage last pregnancy and had the scan which confirmed no heart beat alone. I then dealt with the aftermath alone as he was working away.

I went to all dc3’s scans alone because of dh’s work, but we payed for private ones before on dates he could make (like 3 days before the nhs one) so he could be there if all wasn’t well. Is that an option?

Seeing as you rearranged an earlier scan why can’t he even ask at work or book time off, or is he one of those men who is incapable of doing life admin?

The 20 week scan is really time sensitive, you might find that even if you try to rearrange that he “probably won’t get the time off” no matter when they offer you as it will have to be that week at some point.

I went to my latest 20 week scan alone. It was half term and we didn’t have childcare for the eldest so DH stayed at home.

Get him to try and book the time off.

I understand the need to rearrange if the patient can't attend but it just seems a bit of a ballache to have to do it so the partner can attend (I know there is a system and the appointment wont get wasted etc)

That said my self employed DP was at all of mine 12w and 20w scans even if it had to mean missing a days work (middle of the day appointment and it didn't even occur to me to try and change it??)

How do you know that he could attend a rearranged scan?

Surely he should just check first if he can have the time off?

I attended my 20 week scan alone and concerns were raised requiring further immediate investigations.

My DH was working, but his colleague brought him to the hospital after the initial news. The hour I waited alone was honestly one of the most awful experiences of my life.

I’d ensure you were accompanied, if not by your husband then by a friend or relative.

Ok. Yet again seemingly simple issue is actually a bigger one.

Has he tried to get to these scans particularly the miscarriage one. Absolute sympathy for you having to do that alone. And all the more important that he should do everything he can to get there for this scan

You shouldn’t rearrange scans. Hospitals are often not friendly to it given it’s a legal requirement to let you off work to attend, so limited reasons you can’t make it. tell him that’s nice and if he doesn’t ask he certainly won’t get the time off and you will know how much he cares, and see if he reacts? Or is the relationship worse than that?

It would annoy me that he didn't even ask work. It would annoy me enough that I wouldn't feel too inclined to go to the hassle of trying to rearrange the scan so no, I don't think you'd be unreasonable OP!

Tell him if he wants to go to the scan he needs to ask work for time off, and THEN if his boss says no you can look at potentially trying to change the time of the scan. Lazy fecker.