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AIBU?

Neighbours

20 replies

Neighboursdrivemecrazy · 27/11/2019 00:11

First time poster, never thought I’d be righting something like this on my first thread but here goes... it’s a long one btw!

I live in a block of flats, have done for the last four years. Relatively quiet area, everyone gets on, saids hi to each other etc. I keep myself to myself but am polite, will say hello and so on. I live on the ground floor and there is an elderly couple who live above me in a four bed house (extended into the attic). It is quite a large family as their grand children (I think 5 in total), one of their children and then obviously the grand parents live there. I only know this information because my mum is friendly with one of the grandparents (not close, but occasionally will have a chat outside the flats if they bump into each other).

I do hear them arguing and shouting quite a lot as the flat isn’t soundproof at all as it’s such an old building. I know that one of the grand children is autistic and she went missing for a couple of days a few months back (police involved) so I appreciate they must have a lot to deal with as a family. Anyway... my problem is, ever since I moved in there has been what I can only describe as feminine items dropped into my front and back garden. Things like used sanitary pads (yes you read that right) and cotton swabs. It use to happen quite a lot when I first moved in, I remember after the first two weeks of being here I found 4 used pads in my back garden. Obviously not wanting to leave them there, I put gloves on and disposed of them in the outside bin. This has happened on a few occasions, another time was when I came home from work and found about 10 used cotton swabs in my front garden and a couple of times I’ve opened my front door in the morning to find a pad right outside. There was actually one time I opened my front door and found a smashed fire alarm all across my front garden... very random.

There’s also been a couple of times where I’ve found fag buts in my front garden, I know one of the grand children smokes as I’ve seen him sat outside their front door (which is directly above my front garden) smoking, so I do have a hunch that he’s probably just throwing them into my garden once he’s finished. Over the last two years I would say it’s calmed down, but has still happened occasionally. I’ve noticed over the last couple of weeks it’s started back up again though much more frequently, for example tonight I noticed out of my bedroom window that there was a used pad outside the back door so had to go down and dispose of it.

When I first moved in, I would just dispose of them in the bin but I will admit over the last couple of years I have just been throwing them back over into their garden (their garden is behind mine, really weird lay out) to try and get the point across. I was hoping they may see them in their garden, realise and stop but it just hasn’t worked out that way.

I’ve never said anything to them in the last four years that I’ve been here, as at first I couldn’t actually tell if it was them or not (have never actually witnessed them doing it) and I think that’s why I’ve never confronted them. But to be honest I really don’t know who else it could be. My neighbour on the left side is an elderly lady who I’ve briefly chatted with and my other neighbour is a couple with a young child who I’ve also briefly chatted with, dropped of post when it’s been delivered to the wrong address etc so I really can’t imagine it being one of them doing this.

I’ve noticed that every time the pads are dropped into my back garden their always in the same place and their bathroom window is right above that particular space so that’s what brings me to believe it’s them doing it. I can’t imagine the grand parents would know about it as I’m sure they would be mortified so I can only assume it’s one of the grand children doing it, perhaps as a joke or maybe just out of pure laziness and not wanting to dispose of the items in the bin?

It’s getting to the point now where I’m really fed up. It’s not exactly nice having to dispose other people’s feminine items and I can’t exactly leave them in my garden either, as I don’t really fancy having my other neighbours thinking their mine and that I’m just a dirty cow. It’s also causing me anxiety because I’m constantly having to check both my gardens every night just to make sure there’s nothing there. I appreciate things like rubbish blowing in the wind can’t be helped, but this almost feels deliberate.

I’ve spoken to my mum about it a couple of times and she’s just told me to ignore it but how exactly can I? I’m not the confrontational type and neither is my mum (perhaps why she doesn’t want to deal with it) but I really don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to cause trouble or start a war with my neighbours as I plan to be here for the next few years at least but should I really have to put up with this? Like I said before I appreciate they have a lot going on in their family and that’s perhaps why I’ve never said anything but it’s getting a tad ridiculous now. Perhaps I shouldn’t have let it go on this long but what the hell am I suppose to do now?

Help!!! AIBU?

OP posts:
Neighboursdrivemecrazy · 27/11/2019 00:44

Nobody has any words of wisdom? SadGrin

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Sparklfairy · 27/11/2019 00:53

Someone posted similar a few months back! Cant believe this is a thing! Realistically you have to speak to the grandparents. It's awkward I know but you seem to have tried everything else!

Neighboursdrivemecrazy · 27/11/2019 00:58

Unfortunately it is a real thing and I feel sorry for anyone else who has experienced similar Sad I think your right. I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and speak to them. I think I'm more worried about them taking offence and thinking I've made it up Blush

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ILearnedItFromABook · 27/11/2019 01:03

Seems to be only two choices-- either keep cleaning up someone else's disgusting mess or speak to the grandparents.

And of course YANBU, but I wonder how likely your neighbors will be quick to accept responsibility for the rubbish.

Ayemama · 27/11/2019 01:04

Yuck! This honestly sounds awful, you really do need to talk to the grandparents and see what they say but I can see why you will find it awkward.
Hopefully they will be very apologetic and talk to whoever is doing it and get them to stop!

Neighboursdrivemecrazy · 27/11/2019 01:17

That's exactly my issue, that they may deny it just out of sheer embarrassment and it could possibly become very awkward.

I have taken pictures to show them but as I can't actually prove who the items belong to, it seems pretty pointless.

I was hoping my mum would speak to them about it, as she has spoken to them a lot more since I've lived here and she is generally much better at explaining things (I tend to get very nervous and jumble up all my words). Apart from the odd hello I've hardly ever spoken to them.

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Shesalittlemadam · 27/11/2019 01:27

Any way of setting up an outdoor camera? I know it's a costly length to go to but it's the only way of obtaining actual proof.
If the camera is an option, I'd wait to get footage before mentioning it. Then when they deny it you can immediately press play on your phone and say "Well excuse me, but...."

squeekums · 27/11/2019 01:29

Ewww just gross, nasty.
Id be setting up cameras to catch whoever it is in the act cos like you say its hard to prove whos pad it is and leaves them a window to deny

Video footage is not so easy to deny.

squeekums · 27/11/2019 01:29

@Shesalittlemadam lol wise words

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 27/11/2019 01:43

Im wondering if it is the child with ASD ? If so there are a few reasons why she may do that .

Neighboursdrivemecrazy · 27/11/2019 01:46

I like the camera idea, will have a look into prices.

I was thinking that also @IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls but admittedly I don't have any experience with children with additional needs so I wouldn't know what the reasons may be, if in fact she is the one doing it.

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AllyBamma · 27/11/2019 01:59

Of course you should say something to them, this is absolutely disgusting and I can’t believe you’ve put up with it for so long! And I’m sorry but having a grandchild with special needs is not an excuse to just do whatever you want. Get a cheap camera to get proof and let them know this will not be tolerated. The person responsible is continuing to do it because as yet there’s been no consequence to their behaviour

Neighboursdrivemecrazy · 27/11/2019 09:57

So as well as the pad that was outside my garden last night, I've now just found one stuck to a pipe right outside my bathroom window which is directly underneath their bathroom! Angry I've also found pad wrappers so whoever is doing it is obviously just changing their dirty pad and throwing it out the window Angry I couldn't even reach to get it so practically had to dangle myself out of the window to get it..... why do I have to put up with this

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TheReluctantCountess · 27/11/2019 10:18

Collect a few of them, and the wrappers, in a carrier bag, and show them to the grandparents, saying they are coming from their bathroom window. Chances are they will recognise the wrappers and deal with it.
I appreciate it is an awkward one, but it’s the only solution.

BeeN77 · 27/11/2019 10:45

Gobsmacked! There is no reason on this earth, that a person, clearly older than 11, doesn't know and won't roll up their used pad, in the plastic wrapper they come in and dispose of it in the bathroom dustbin or walk to where there is a dustbin. Foul!

This is actually a potential health hazard and good gracious, you shouldn't have to be cleaning up someone else soiled pads. You can call in the council (not that I have any faith in council's ability to do anything, if mine is anything to go by). But if you complain of a possible health hazard; as it can be seen as hazardous fly tipping and they should be responsible to talk to all the neighbours; so there is no finger pointing.

Busybeebeebee · 27/11/2019 10:50

I would be straight round there asking them where the hell their manners are!

justilou1 · 27/11/2019 10:59

Gross! Not to mention a potential source of infection. I would have the conversation that it is beyond time to nail the bathroom window shut and if you find any more crap in your garden, I would be getting GP’s over to clean it up. (And every other piece of trash from now on.)

MrsMaiselsMuff · 27/11/2019 11:00

I wonder if there is a shame/ embarrassment issue and the child doesn't have anywhere to dispose of the items in the bathroom. Not everyone has a bathroom bin! That still shouldn't make it your problem, but might give you an insight into why it is happening.

Speak to the grandma. After the initial embarrassment she'll be grateful that you let them know.

Neighboursdrivemecrazy · 27/11/2019 17:35

Just to update you all - my mum went up to speak to them this afternoon and the grandma was very apologetic.

She said that they've had a lot going on with social services and that she has to to lock everything away in cupboards etc.

She's said that if it happens again then please will I go up and tell her as she will come down and get it. Ideally I would hope she would lock the window or something as obviously I don't want to be having to go up there every time it happens and for the family to be trap-sing through my flat to get it but I appreciate she's trying to do her best.

Hopefully she will monitor it more closely now... thanks for the advice guys x

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Neighboursdrivemecrazy · 27/11/2019 18:21

A few minutes after I last posted, the grandma brought the children down to apologise to me. I had no idea what to say as she said she was horrified and so embarrassed. I felt so sorry for her as she obviously has a lot to deal with but hopefully the sheer embarrassment of it will make the children think again before doing that x

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