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To not speak to my friend ever again

9 replies

Offtobedigo · 26/11/2019 23:58

Me and friend have known each other a very long since school so about 15 years.
She was my best friend and I helped her through a very hard time in the past and gave her the courage to seek help and go to the police about the situation.
Skip to now and about last year I told my friend a very personal thing about dh and myself that we wanted to keep very private but as id been there for her I wanted her to be there for me and have her support.
I recently found out she had told somebody I know very well and they mentioned she had told them last year. I’m devastated and have asked but she’s adamant she hasn’t but I know she is lieing.
I can’t believe she would gossip like she has done about something so personal.
I don’t trust her anymore and tbh the friendship is stained. Aibu to not want to speak to her again?

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 27/11/2019 00:01

I think that if she was really a good friend your gut would tell you to believe her. Clearly you don't so, trust your gut.

Is it the only thing she has done that gas been 'off' over the years? Or has she been a jerk in other ways?


Countryescape · 27/11/2019 01:48

Well if you know for sure that it was her then fair call.


alexdgr8 · 27/11/2019 02:07

walk away from this person, but also let it be a lesson, that you broke your husband's trust by speaking about this to anyone except perhaps a professional therapist or medic.
maintain the privacy of your marriage, and thereby respect yourself and your husband, and so grow in your relationship. boundaries are important. you have learned a hard lesson. good luck.


Angelw · 27/11/2019 02:51

This happened to me with a friend I had known for Over 15 years ( since school). I thought she was a close friend but did exactly what your so called friend has done. It’s been nearly 4 years now and I have no regrets. I think it happened to alert me that they were not a genuine friend. I have Not spoken to them since. Take this as a valuable lesson and move on to friends who will validate you. Trust your instincts on this one , Good luck.


notangelinajolie · 27/11/2019 03:15

This happened to me and although we didn't fall out over it, it was always in my mind and as the years went by we slowly drifted apart. You could walk away or fall out over it or you could just let your friendship fizzle out. Whichever way - I think you will not be friends in the same way again.


StoppinBy · 27/11/2019 03:26

@alexdgr8 - your reply is ridiculous. Many people share problems with their best friends, myself included, a problem shared is a problem halved and all that jazz.

I couldn't have gotten through a lot of things without my closest friends, a professional only gets to know what you tell them, your friend sees you and your partner as a whole and can be an invaluable sounding board.


sobeyondthehills · 27/11/2019 03:41

@StoppinBy surely it depends on the problem, which has not been shared

And that is no way to add added froth


DonKeyshot · 27/11/2019 03:41

It's very difficult to advise without knowing what you confided in your friend.

Was it something that she may have perceived as being so onerous that she needed a confidante/sounding board?

In any event, the third party appears to be discreet and, while they may be one too many for you, it doesn't sound as if your 'secret' has become common gossip.

Is it possible that your dh has confided in the 'somebody' you know very well, or in their spouse?


GiveHerHellFromUs · 27/11/2019 04:09

I also think it depends what you told her. Is it something that seems big to you but might seem like a non-issue to her?

If she's the only person who could have told other friend, she's a bit shitty for lying.

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