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Mum ignores my bf of 18 months

4 replies

Samhol10 · 26/11/2019 22:46

Hi. I would like some advice please.

I’m 48 and have been divorced for 6 years. My mum is single and has been for 30 years, as is my elder sister who has never left home. My ex left because they were always with us, interfering and over time he’d had enough. He was abusive to me and our son and I think this was partly why, but no excuse. My son chose not to see him 4 years ago.

18 months ago I met the most loving and caring man I could possibly meet. He doesn’t care about my financial problems or my sons quite severe mental health problems. He’s helped us a lot and treats us brilliantly. His family treat me really well, I get invited everywhere and they accept that my son isn’t ready to meet them yet, the don’t judge us.

My Mum hates my bf though because he once criticised my son for being lazy and swore in front of her on one occasion. Because of what happened in my previous relationship on the advice of family and friends I’ve kept her kept her at arms length as far as spending family time with him goes, she doesn’t acknowledge him when he’s in the same room anyway and if he speaks she is rude.

My mum is very controlling and smothers my 18 year old son, which has hindered his recovery, however she helps out 3 days a week when I’m at work so I don’t want to alienate her but I’m at my wits end.

She doesn’t like anyone, my auntie, my cousins partners, her neighbours, ex family members and some friends and we all feel awkward inviting her anywhere because of how she behaves. Mum has had a heart attack and is not in great health now but I always help her out too.

Me and my son are likely to move in with him and his kids next year and it’s going to create more problems.

We now have Christmas coming up. My BF is spending Christmas Day with me and my son this year but feels bad because I won’t invite my mum and sister (who have spent Christmas every Christmas with us) because mum is so rude to him, he says hell spend the day on his own.

I know if I confront her she’ll be nasty and tell me yet again that I’m being selfish, I get this if I go out or on holiday without my son, but I didn’t go out for the 23 years I was married so I’m now living the life I deserve but always make sure my son is ok and has support if he needs it.

There’s a lot more happened but this is enough to give an overview.

What on earth do I do?

OP posts:

littlepaddypaws · 26/11/2019 23:01

if she has your sister residing with her your dm won't be on her own for christmas, why should you have to choose between her and bf esp as she is so dismissive towards him.
i know it will be hard but take it on the chin and tell her you are spending christmas with bf and your son, she might grump or dry but that's piling guilt on, start living life for you, and the well being of your ds.


littlepaddypaws · 26/11/2019 23:02

*or cry


littlepaddypaws · 27/11/2019 22:40

any more thoughts op ?


SandyY2K · 27/11/2019 22:55

Your mum doesn't sound great, but I can see why this would not impress her.

My Mum hates my bf though because he once criticised my son for being lazy and swore in front of her

He had no right to do that. Its not his place.

Would you like your Ex H's GF to say this to your DS?

It sounds like your mum and sister live a miserable life and would have liked you to never have left home and get married.

Way too much interference in your life.

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