Fed up that SIL goes on about being poor when she isn't

[thesparrowflieshigh]

Forever saying they can't afford things such as new coats for their dc, then going on about not wanting to use their savings, purchasing designer furniture and sports equipment ad going on numerous holidays. Does my head in, especially when MIL keeps going on about poor SIL

Do you know the old song, 'Oh lord, won't you buy me a mercedes benz, my friends all drive porsches, I must make amends. . .'

When my MIL was going on at me about my 'poor' sil, I tended to find myself quietly singing this to myself, or humming, and quietly smiling to myself.

She seemed to get the point that perhaps I had a differing perception of the situation. . .

Your SIL is being ridiculous.
I go without if my DC need coats etc.
I'm not a martyr as I still have money for other things, I just have my priorities right like the majority of parents.
Your SIL & DMIL need to give their heads a massive wobble!
(I love that MN saying)

The coat thing has pushed me over the edge. She has 2 dc and one has no coat just a hoodie the other has a ripped too small coat that she hates. Coats are just an example of the many things she apparently can't afford. It's kind of almost a brag that she is so poor. But she has recently bought a designer desk and settee from Loaf.com. Been away twice over summer. Live in a very naice house in very niace suburb. Going to see the Killers on tour etc, etc.

YANBU
I’m in a similar situation with my BIL... poor thing can’t afford fuel in his car to visit his mum (my MIL) who is very poorly. But can afford a pedigree puppy and nice Sunday roasts in country pubs.

That is so disgusting!! Talk about priorities the wrong way round.

That’s neglect. Ss won’t be interested. I would have to say something to MIL like new coats are much cheaper than x or y that she has chosen to buy instead.

Perhaps she's up to her neck in credit card debt?

Not wanting to defend her, just suggesting that the lifestyle you see people enjoying doesn't necessarily reflect their income. Although I agree her priorities sound skewed.

SIL could have bought the coats on the credit card at the same time as everything else. If it is credit card debt.
It's no excuse.
Unless her DH is being financially abusive?

I don't understand this, there's no excuse not to get your child a coat. there's plenty of cheap but fashionable ones on the high street which would be less that a lunch out or a bottle of nice wine. besides the fact there's second hand options if she's that skint. my dd1's coat cost £2.99 from a charity shop and is waterproof, and keeps her warm. and once both dds have outgrown their clothes I sell on ready for the next growth spurt!!

Give her the addresses of her nearest Charity Shops

She's being neglectful towards her dc by prioritising luxuries over essentials. Can you drop an anonymous note to the school so that they're aware? An acquaintance does similar, getting expensive extensions &, then begging food off friends to feed her kids. Not good behaviour and very emotionally neglectful towards her kids.

I agree, priorities all completely wrong. Very sad for the dc!

Also, costs aren’t that much! Tell her to try somewhere like decathlon - they deliver!

I ended up promising her my dc's old coats that I normally keep for messy playing. This is purely for the sake of the dc as I am so annoyed with her 'playing' poor.

Do you not think it's a deliberate tactic for you to handover all your DC hand me downs?

Just be careful that she'll expect you to bail her out every time. It's a practised scam with people like that, they plead poverty knowing they'll get some poor mug bailing them out. It's an entitled mindset so you need to call her out on it every time. Ask her how much her sofa, hair do, furniture cost everytime she cries poverty.

@RandomMess yes possibly. She is often given stuff by people. She was even given a car once

Remind your MIL about the new sofa holidays etc the next time she goes on about 'poor sil'
Is also be telling her its the poor kids that are suffering

Like pp posters have pointed out coats don't have to cost the earth. Last coat DD had was from H&M & cost £30. Waterproof & with a detachable hood.
This years coat is a Primark padded jacket which was £15.
Mind you she's also had an Adidas jacket out of me too this year plus enough hoodies to start her own shop.
Ah the joy of teenagers 😊